Feb 23, 2011 - 2:41 am
I had my right kidney removed soon after a tumor was accidentally found during a spinal MRI. I had just had surgery on my shoulder prior to all this. In the hospital I felt very brave and confident and it was genuine. Now that I'm at home covered in strips, I'm on a strange and lonely roller coaster. I have a supportive and large group of family/friends, but I don't have the words to tell them what I'm feeling. I stroke the incision site often, and I can't explain why. In my head I swing from being grateful for catching the cancer so early, yet feel like a cancer "faker" because I didn't need chemotherapy. I know about the stages of grief, and I'm sure all these hidden, sad, and confused thoughts are part of that. I'm really just posting here because I had to tell someone who has personal understanding. My life is the same, but different...I feel changed,slightly cut off. I just want someone to understand...almost when I can't understand myself.