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A 'girls' week at the gym ... a look into my life, hahahaha

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8255
Joined: Aug 2009

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

.... This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.
His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asssssshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that ***** Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

missrenee's picture
missrenee
Posts: 2137
Joined: Apr 2010

That Christo does sound like a real a-hole!

I've been going to the gym for years (I'm not a gym rat though) and can honestly say I've never used a trainer. I like to go at my own pace--not some 20-year-old's! And hey--if I feel like dogging it some days, I dog it. Since I've changed my attitude on a lot of things--I put that into the "life is too short" category.

Think I'll go have a chocolate cookie!

Hugs, Renee

rainbow4
Posts: 137
Joined: Aug 2009

I'm also definitely not a gym rat - I do work out 2-3 times a week for about an hour, but I'm not going to get paranoid about it. Let's all do what we can for our health, without punishing our bodies too much - and let's hear it for chocolate cookies!!
-rainbow4

natly15's picture
natly15
Posts: 1930
Joined: Sep 2009

Just had 4 hershey dark chocolate kisses and yes I'll be at the gym tomorrow bright and early, but I'm not meeting with Christo that &^%$#(_+@# maniacal trainer!!!!! LOL

carkris's picture
carkris
Posts: 4523
Joined: Aug 2009

OMG made my day hysterical!

Marsha Mulvey
Posts: 597
Joined: May 2010

Laughed my a$$ off! Think I'll have a bowl of ice cream to celebrate with you that your week is over. (With chocolate syrup)
Marsha

susie09's picture
susie09
Posts: 2933
Joined: Jul 2009

Vicki Sam, this is hilarious!

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

Funny Vicki Sam! Thanks!

Hugs, Jan

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

Funny Vicki Sam! Thanks!

Hugs, Jan

SusanEliz's picture
SusanEliz
Posts: 46
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi VickiSam,

Thanks so much for posting this- it's hysterical. I'm definitely going to share this with the women in my office- many of us have just joined weigh****chers, but none of us feel up to working out yet, haha!

Best regards,

Susan

jessiesmom1's picture
jessiesmom1
Posts: 711
Joined: Jun 2010

Oh my goodness! That was the funniest post I have read in a while. Definitely brought a smile to my face on an otherwise bad day. I go to PT 3x/week and an exercise class at the Y 2x/week. I feel about both the physical therapist and the exercise class instructor the same way you feel about Christo. Glad I am not the only one.

fauxma's picture
fauxma
Posts: 3533
Joined: Dec 2008

That was hilarious.
thanks for sharing.

DebbyM's picture
DebbyM
Posts: 3294
Joined: Oct 2009

ROFLMAO!

sbmly53
Posts: 1470
Joined: Jan 2010

The electrician is here and asked me what was so funny. I tried to explain, but men just don't get this very well.

Big hugs,

Sue

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

OMG! This is so funny!

lynn1950's picture
lynn1950
Posts: 2573
Joined: Jun 2008

RMAOL

sparkle1
Posts: 222
Joined: Jun 2010

Thanks for the laugh. Leaving work with a smile.
Sparkle

Bella Luna's picture
Bella Luna
Posts: 1571
Joined: Aug 2009

This gave me a good laugh! You have a great sense of humor. Thanks for the laugh.
BL

Noel's picture
Noel
Posts: 3101
Joined: Apr 2009

What a story! Love to read what you write Vicki Sam! And, it is true! LOL

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 3956
Joined: Oct 2009

I had a trainer once and she was clueless. I insisted that I was more interested in getting healthy than looking like I was 20 and she just didn't get it at all. She was much more interested in the body beautiful and I did not like her (my female Christo).

Now I am back to doing my own thing: 15-20 min eliptical and then another 20 min of various weight machines. But many times I only go 1-2 X week; I need to be better. Sigh....

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8255
Joined: Aug 2009

my gym's programs! I can't physical do it .. so like you, C.C. I am now doing my own thing .. at the gym.

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