Feb 20, 2011 - 11:23 pm
I think that today was the start of our nasty downward spiral of death. I woke to my husband telling me he thought he has pneumonia again. Mucus/bile everywhere (clothing,bed floor). Hospice came, no pneumonia but did do a little fluids. She said this mucus is the dying process. His body is unable to move the secretions being made so he is coughing/gagging them up. All day long I got to see him talking gibberish. Not sure if it is the drugs, just started Morphine Friday, or the death coming. He is so weak that he tripped over the dog today and smacked right into the wall. He didn't want help up so I got to watch him sturggle to right himself. I don't blame him, what 38 year old man would. Now I sit hear listening to him wheeze and cough in bed knowing that I can do nothing about it. More drugs and lots of love. The hospital bed comes tomorrow. Hopefully I won't wake up to too much of a mess tomorrow. I know I will have a long night thinking about him. I wanted this to be quick. I want his pain and suffering to stop. Is that too much to ask. No one should have to go through this. Sorry for my rambling. It has been a long day and just needed to vent.