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OMG I feel so insensitive now!!

lizzie17
Posts: 528
Joined: Nov 2009

Tonight at a restaurant, my long-time friend of 20 years, broke down and cried and cried!
He is always so logical, almost stoic, and rarely laughs. Everything is methodical, scientific.
I had no idea that me discussing my BC situation had such an effect on him. Honestly, I didn't know he even cared that much. What triggered this was that I was planning--- if the results of my MRI were bad...what I would say at work. I guess it scares him when I "plan" but I think "plannning" helps me cope. A real eye-opener for me tonight, and a lesson learned.

carkris's picture
carkris
Posts: 4523
Joined: Aug 2009

I find when I finally cry it is such a release. Hopefully this was the same for him. this disease affects everyone around us. Sometimes I look at my husband and feel so sad for what I have put him through. Hugs to you!

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5395
Joined: Oct 2010

For a man wow....maybe since the bottle things up...so much...

why do YOU feel insensitive? For talking about your BC?

Sounds like great caring friend...

Findingout
Posts: 132
Joined: Dec 2010

Wow, it does sound like he really cares, and his stoicism is just "skin deep" (as is often the case!) But I don't know why you feel guilty. I hope it doesn't interfere with your friendship. Can you talk to him about that?

Anyway, it IS hard on people. I found an online article on how to be a friend and/or mate to someone who has cancer. I think it was on one of the major cancer websites. I emailed it to my ex-mate and ever since it's been easier when I do see him. I think it can be awkward, people don't know what to say or do, so they buckle up...
I hope you're doing okay.

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7879
Joined: Aug 2005

It keeps me calm...and makes me feel like I have control, when everything around me is out of control....

Hugs, Kathi

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

I am like Kathi as I don't fly by the seat of my pants. Planning and thinking ahead has always helped me to cope and to better live my life.

I think many don't know what to say or even tell us their feelings while they see us going thru what we do.

But, as you saw, sometimes it just comes out.

You take care of yourself,

Sue :)

lizzie17
Posts: 528
Joined: Nov 2009

that is it....planning offers control when everything seems out of control.
thanks for that thought!

pbrndm5
Posts: 83
Joined: Dec 2010

My best friend just told me she cried like a baby at work---worried about me, our friendship,and all the things we do together. I guess I didn't realize how this effects those around us. Everyone copes differently.

For me, I agree planning is good-makes me feel like I'm in control of something. My daughter is the same--very methodical. She is my rock, comes upwith questions etc, that I would never think of.

My husband always says it will be OK..sometimes it !@!#!#$ me off, because we don't know it will be OK. He is very supportive of anything I choose to do.

My son, once he came to terms with me having cancer, tells me to listen to the doctors and go do whatever it is I need to do. He's getting married in July and one of my biggest worries is being well for his wedding. He tells me not to worry, just get well.

I guess I'm lucky to have so many people who love and support me.

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