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When is the time?

jenene
Posts: 40
Joined: Oct 2010

4 months ago I led the perfect life. Then we found out my 37 year old husband had stomach cancer. From there the downward spiral began. We have a 4 year old daughter who has watched her dad go from 175lbs to just 123lbs. We keep trying chemo but of course nothing is working and cancer just keeps spreading. We went in for an endoscope monday and they said his cancer is pushing against his stomach so much that he can't seem to eat. The doctor told us don't worry about eating as much as drinking. My husband used to love to eat and cook. Now it is a struggle to take just a few bites of food and hope that it isn't puked right back up. I know his time on this earth is drawing to an end, we all do. How will I cope? Will my daughter even know who her wonderful dad was? I don't want to watch him suffer anymore. It just breaks my heart every day to see him like this. How will I know the time is right? Will he die in his sleep? I am so lost I don't know what to do. I wish I could just rewind my life and not have to endure this anymore.

sduhrkop
Posts: 6
Joined: Feb 2011

Jenene..You are not alone in your thoughts. You will be able to cope with all of this because of your love for your husband and your daughter. It is a terrible thing to have to watch them suffer through, but you would not want to be anywhere else when he needed you the most. My life took a similar turn about two months ago when my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. We also are trying the chemo and don't know if it will help or not. I have watched him lose about 25 pounds in two months, and just wonder if it will stop. Try to keep positive thoughts and my prayers go out to you.

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Jenene, I am so very sorry that you and your husband (and daughter) are having to go through this. I know exactly how you feel as my husband Mike passed away from stomach cancer 1/23/11 after putting up a valiant fight for 7 months. Mike also went from 186 down to 123 pounds as he battled the beast with grace, strength and humor. Is your husband able to get around? Is he able to talk much? If he is, I would suggest you take as much video with sound that you can while he is still good. I wish I had more recordings of Mike.

Lean on your family and friends, they will help sustain you during this time. Take care of yourself as you are no good to your daughter and husband if you get sick. Spend as much time as you can with your husband and tell him you love him; you will be glad you did. And never, never lose hope as long as he is alive!!!! My prayers and thoughts are with you.

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

The only thing I would add is do your very best to be in the now. I know it's a rough thing, and doubly so with a baby girl who kinda gets it but really doesn't.

On Monday, we all thought it was the last. So I did the best thing I knew how: I busted his chops all over the place. My husband being the stubborn Irishman he is he's still here and still making life VERY interesting.

When it comes to this, no one can say when, or where exactly, or how. So make it yours and in the words of Frank Sinatra "I did it my way."

If you have any questions, comments, or rants please don't hesitate to let it out. That's what we are all here for :)

April

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

You know what might be a wonderful Valentine's Day gift for your daughter? Hallmark (and probably others) have recordable stories. How nice it would be for your husband to record one for his daughter to always have.

Hugs, Jenene. I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this. As April says, come back here and let us know how things are going. We know this is tough.

jenene
Posts: 40
Joined: Oct 2010

My husband did 2 recordable stories for Natalie at Christmas. I will cherish those forever. Hopefully she won't ever forget about him. Thanks for everyone's thoughts. Cancer is a lifechanging beast.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1629
Joined: Aug 2009

None of us know the right time or can foresee the moment of our dying. My husband died while I was out of the room. My sons think he wanted it that way. We'll never really know. The hospice nurse told me that it could be hours or days the last time she came. She didn't think the end would come so quickly, though. He had been fighting cancer for six years and was just tired. The pain seemed to be controlled. I think he just decided it was time. Like others have said try to be with you husband as much as you can. Say I love you often. Help your daughter through this time. Ask Hospice about children services. There are several programs out there for children whose parents have or had cancer. You daughter will know and remember your husband through you. Come here when you need support. Sadly, many of us have been through this. We understand just how hard it is. Hugs, Fay

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Jenene,
You are in my heart and in my prayers. There are no definite dates or times. But what you can do is make every day count. We were older, but we have a 2yr old granddaughter and my heart breaks to think that she won't remember her "Grampy"!
I posted a thread on Caregivers, titled" A delicate subject", see if it may give you some information that you are seeking.

Lucy

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