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I know this is totally lame but....

taleena's picture
taleena
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

Next Wednesday I get to go in for my wonderful round... blood work, mamogram, bone scan, bone density test, lab work, meeting with my onco, and my wonderful ever 28 day injection of Zoladex... I get to be at the cancer center from 11 o'clock until 4:00.. not the way I enjoy spending my day, as I'm sure many of you can relate... and many of you know much better than I.

The problem is, the nearer I get to Wednesday the more anxious I become... not the meeting with my onco, or the bone scan, or bone density test, or blood work or even the injection... what's eating at me is the mamogram... I feel like I'm on pins and needles... how pathetic is that???

I would much rather cower in the corner, or go in for everything but that. Am I the only one who feels like a complete fearful child when it comes to having a mamogram??? I didn't feel this apprehensive last time... but the further I get out from dx, (May 2009) the more frightend and apprehensive I become, and the angrier I get with myself for feeling so much like a whimp! Specially when I consider what so many others of our "family" are going through and dealing with...

Okay, now make me feel better, and tell me that I'm not the only one that feels this way, I promise I will only peek around that corner and not tell anyone, it can be our "little secrete"

Hugs,

~T

pinkflutterby's picture
pinkflutterby
Posts: 615
Joined: Jun 2009

I totally relate to your fears, those uneffected ones wont but for most of us thats how the beast (trying to think of a better word) was discovered. I have not had another one since my dx'd date and when/if I do I would too be fearful. Just remember we all go to these things together so be sure to shave your pits!!!

It is funny how one of the less painful tests scare us the most.

Will be thinking of you!!

xoxo

taleena's picture
taleena
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

Shave...as in like, with a razor... oh my...yes, I guess I'd better, wouldn't want anyone to see the forest...lol too funny!! Thanks it's nice to know I'm not alone.... but can someone else do the pancake thing??? lol

Hugs,

~T

aisling8's picture
aisling8
Posts: 1321
Joined: Feb 2010

My appointment is this coming Monday, mammogram, both sides. Only the affected side was done six months ago and it's been a year since the "good" one's been checked.

I'd had a mammo May of '09 then another in January '10 and that's when they found the cancer -- seven months later so makes me wonder what "nasties" may have grown in a year.

I'm getting crankier by the day:). It's fear, of course.

I think this is all normal.

xoxo
Victoria

taleena's picture
taleena
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

Awe thanks Victoria, and I will be thinking of you on Monday... funny what something as simple as this can make strong women like us shutter!

Hugs,

~T

MAJW
Posts: 2515
Joined: May 2009

We all know that apprehension...something you said really stuck a cord with me... "THE FURTHER OUT FROM TREATMENT ...the more scared.."
I am feeling the same anxiety...I finished all treatment in Nov. 2009...I'm triple negative so I had the only treatment available for that..lumpectomy, chemo, radiation...I keep telling myself the longer it's been the better...but...at the same time, some days, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop! I do a pretty good job pushing those thoughts aside but it's hard....Some of it, I think has to do with the precious women on this board fighting
beast yet again... Don't know what the answer is though..I guess we just keep plugging along, wishing, hoping and praying we "won't be the one"....

Hope this helps, knowing you're not alone with these thoughts!
Hugs,
Nancy

joannstar
Posts: 354
Joined: Nov 2010

I just finished Chemo (Stage 1C, triple negative, 2 lumpectomies) and my surgeon wanted a new baseline mammo which I had on 1/14. I received the letter in the mail last Thursday saying all was good and they'd see me in 6 months. However, at my post chemo meeting with my onc on 1/25, he did a blood test and he called last night to say that my tumor markers were elevated and I needed a PET scan and maybe a bone scan.
So I feel like the other shoe has dropped. Boy I was feeling pretty good until that phone call and now I'm really scared. I can't imagine why when I had a clear PET in 9/10 and have gone through 6 rounds of chemo and am now ready to start rads which have to be postponed.
I have an appointment on Monday for the PET scan. I'm not sure how I'll make it through the weekend...good drugs I guess.
Hugs to us all.
JoAnn

TraciInLA's picture
TraciInLA
Posts: 1862
Joined: Jul 2009

I was diagnosed 16 days before you were, and my surgery was 2 days after yours....so we're on about the same Anxiety Timetable, and I can tell you with no shame that I am a sleepless, blubbering, trembling WRECK for days before my 6-month mammograms.

I see my oncologist and have blood work done every 3 months, and don't get anxious at all about that -- I think the mammogram, and even the mammography center itself, cause so much anxiety for me because I was diagnosed from my very first mammogram, so, for me, that place might as well have the words, "Come and Get Your Cancer Here" painted on the front door.

So it's NOT just you! And I'm sorry to say I have no good advice for how to deal with the anxiety -- though a pint of Ben & Jerry's the night before (plus another pint waiting in the freezer to celebrate the good news when you get home) does help a little.

:-) Traci

cruf
Posts: 931
Joined: Oct 2000

Taleena, I'm 10 years out and I become more anxious every year.I actually sit in the room waiting for my turn and I shake then after the x-ray is done, I usually get tearful waiting for the results! So glad they tell me while I'm there. I should be happy that I'm so far out ,and I am, but I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop! I didn't go thru as much as you have so I don't know why I feel this way! Just know that you are not alone!!! Good luck! HUGS!!! Cathy

CR1954's picture
CR1954
Posts: 1392
Joined: Jul 2008

LOL! T, I don't blame you and I tend to become pretty darn anxious myself. I had a mastectomy, but have had "issues" with the remaining breast, so I am always nervous about it. My mammo usually leads to an ultrasound and on a couple of occasions, an MRI.

I worry about every test, everytime now. My friend is Xanax, as tests are approaching. That's just the way it is for me. And I take help where I can get it.

Hang in there and if all else fails, try some Jack Daniels!

Love ya!
CR

taleena's picture
taleena
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

Thanks ladies... Nancy, I can only imagine (although not completely) being triple negative waiting for the shoe to drop... we have had quite a few members receive news of recurrance, and it breaks my heart... even some who were hormone receptor positive... I will keep pushing along....

JoAnn... I am so sorry that you have to go through the weekend waiting...sometimes I would really like to just smack a few doctors over the head... Here should be a new rule... if you call a patient with news of concern, and want to see them then you MUST give them an appointment within 24 hours.... don't you all agree???? Sometimes I just think people are clueless including doctors sometimes! My positive thoughts, prayers and hopes with be with you as well on Monday!.....

Traci... I am on the same schedule as you with the appointment to see my onco and blood work, every 3 months, then, every 12 months mamogram, bone scan, bone density test every 12 mo I don't get the bone scan though, because I just had one in August.... oh well... Then I get the every 28 day booster..lol I can't imagine being dx'd the first time through the mamogram process.. you poor thing... sometimes life just isn't fair is it? Now, Ben & Jerry's... that's my favorite... your right better get to the store this weekend and stock up... Let's see I need at least a few different flavors ... any suggestions??? Chocolate Brownie Chunk... yum!

Cathy, are you telling me it will get better with time???? No, I didn't think so...lol Isn't that what we tell people just to make them feel better??? Ummm.... I guess it's just something that we all have to deal with... no more the ignorant bliss of just "routine" physicals for us is there??? But knowing I am not the only one who gets queezy does make me feel better! Thanks

See CR I told you right from the get go...LAME!!! They left markers (2) after the additional two biopsies I had AFTER the lumpectomy, and the two times I've had a mamogram I received a letter in the mail a few days later telling me that I had an "abnormal" result and to contact my doctor as soon as possible to discuss results... I'm like .. yeah okay..sure... one of these days I could pop someone... yes sir... right in the kisser!! If I had to go on Xanax to calm my nerves, they wouldn't be able to get me there... that stuff sends me right into outter space... seriously it knocks me out cold, has me flying around with the Aliens!!!! Now on the other hand, Jack Daniels might make a good friend...lol... how do you think it would go with ice cream???

Love ya back!

~T

TraciInLA's picture
TraciInLA
Posts: 1862
Joined: Jul 2009

PHISH FOOD.

Chocolate ice cream with caramel swirls and marshmallow swirls, with little chocolate fish sprinkled throughout. Best PMS cure EVER, with an accepted off-label use for pre-mammography anxiety. Get thee to a store, T. Many of the other Ben & Jerry's flavors are great, but -- serious times call for Phish Food.

Traci

natly15's picture
natly15
Posts: 1934
Joined: Sep 2009

Next Tuesday I get me mammo and ultra sound follow-up just to make sure what they saw in August is indeed scar tissue. . Cousin Traci Phish Food or Chubby Hubby is the way to go. Taleena I dont think Jack complements either flavors but you could certainly pour some kahlua or tia maria over them and then do a Jack. Just a suggestion. I'm hoping we all get good reports. hope you all heard me GOOD REPORTS!!!!!!

aisling8's picture
aisling8
Posts: 1321
Joined: Feb 2010

If I get scared enough, I might try a "pint" of something else, if you know what I mean...

Well, a sip or two. (Don't got no Xanax.)

We all know I'm just talking tough and don't really carry a flask. Right?

xoxo
Victoria

sbmly53
Posts: 1484
Joined: Jan 2010

A little hyperventilation, palpitations. I'm sure my BP skyrockets. And very teary. And only at mammo time. A survivor I met at my last mammo told me it will get better with time, and, she said that would be somewhere after the 2 year mark.

Anxiously awaiting....

Sue

Jean 0609's picture
Jean 0609
Posts: 2365
Joined: Jun 2010

It's only natural. I got a post card from my breast surgeon today to schedule a check-up and a mammogram. This will be my first mammogram since my surgeries. I go for mine next Friday, 2/11/11.

No you are not a whimp. Sending you a big cyber hug.

xoxo,
Jean

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5504
Joined: Oct 2010

HI T-

so sorry you get worked up and nervous...you are not the odd duck out I AM FOR SURE. I even said to my husband I THINK something is wrong with me..

I do not freat over any tests at all. I just had issue last weekend..went in MON without an appt to dr he did misc tests and biopsies-and never really thought about it until he called....

So think of your are more normal then me...IF THERE IS a "NORMAL"

so vent away...and I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF i am the ONLY one...like I am!

see we all think we are different-we are but there is NO right or NO wrong with cancer in my opinion

Denise W

sea60's picture
sea60
Posts: 2601
Joined: May 2010

I would venture to say, that most all of us shudder at the thought of having to have a test. As I always tell my Sister, "I would be so happy if I NEVER had to step foot into a doctor's office again!"

I don't think I'm too far off by saying this whole experience traumatizing you. I mean, this is an ugly, painful battle.

What really helps me is God's word. I have to focus on it. It comforts me in the days leading up to a test and the waiting afterwards.

I pray all will go well.

Hugs,

Sylvia

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

I am in my 16th year since dx. Over these years, I've been on forums such as this one since 1997. There are women who develop a new primary in the other breast. There are women who develop a recurrence in the other breast.

These women are in the minority.

Many, many women never have cancer in the remaining breast. I stop fearing a mammogram after my 3rd year from dx.

Hope this helps.

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