Feb 01, 2011 - 7:56 am
I've made it through 8tx of FOLFIRI and Avastin. Not quite as hard on me as FOLFOX, but I've had a pretty rough time with this cocktail too. I'm surprised to realize I've gotten through 8 already. The whole experience is different when not trying to sprint to a finish line. It actually seems to go faster...
My last PET was after 4tx and it showed my 3 nodes shrinking a lot, and with a lot less activity. I'm expecting tomorrow's scan to show no active disease. If the results are different than that, I'll deal with it then. They will be what they will be. Just like the last one, I have no scanxiety. I left for Mexico before getting the results of the last one, and didn't find out for 2 weeks. I could have called to get them, but figured they would be the same whether I got them while on my trip, or waited till I came back. So I preferred to have a cancer vacation - avoid thinking about it, and work on getting strength back in my body and soul. I've come a long way - my early scans I had the scanxiety.
The results of this scan will influence how long of a chemo break I take the end of March for my stepson's wedding, so I am really hoping they are clear. I've got a one-week break for a vacation with extended family after my next tx on Thursday. Then I'll be back for two more tx before the wedding. My onc wants me to get 12tx of the current cocktail and then go on maintenance. But I will only have 11 in before the wedding. I might stop at 11 instead of 12. And while taking an extended trip, work on regaining my strength, and think about if I agree with chemo for life, or just want to monitor very close and go back on it if/when signs of cancer return. How would I even know if maybe FOLFIRI and Avastin were the cure for me? FOLFOX almost did it, but not completely. And maybe no chemo can get me completely clear. But who would want to be on chemo for life if they didn't really need to be? An otherwise healthy person would have their life shortened by chemo for no reason...
I'll have results rather quickly this time - Thursday morning before chemo. My parents are suffering scanxiety. They wanted to know exactly what time my scans are. I explained that it doesn't matter - I won't have results till Thursday. They haven't seemed this anxious before, but I reassured them I'm not worried, and I will let them know what I hear on Thursday.
I have a tiny bit of anxiety going, but it has nothing to do with my results. I have two problems. One is I am a bit worried about the IV. Pretty petty thing to worry about, but last time their tech that started my IV blew out my vein. I had a huge (large grape-size) lump in the vein in my left elbow for a few days. That is my best vein for labs, and the techs at my oncologist haven't ever caused trouble like that. I couldn't use that vein for months. I'm back to using it again now. I'm wondering if I should make them use my hand or my right elbow instead? I'm right-handed and normally don't like anyone messing with that arm or hand if I can avoid it.
My other issue is I've hit my days of back spasms again starting yesterday. I can't take my muscle relaxer and drive. I may ask my daughter to drive me even though I planned to drive myself. Otherwise if the spasms get bad, I don't think I can possibly lay still for the scan. I didn't get them too bad last cycle, so I didn't even take the pills. The cycle before I only had to take them twice and it all calmed down again. I didn't take anything yesterday, but it is getting worse, and I'm afraid lying on my back in that uncomfortable position of arms above head might set it off worse.
Once I get through the two hours at the scanners, I'll be fine again. I never worried about all this for any scan before - but they hadn't messed up a vein before, and I wasn't getting the back spasms before... Off to drink my water - looking forward to lunch today after the scan!