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How about a new "situation" ???

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

OK here it is. I have been so lonely for male companionship lately. All of my female family and my girlfriends all have husbands, boyfriends, whatever. My daughter is in a great relationship now, so we hardly do things together. I went on a website, for friends and dating. Filled out the forms, put up a pic...I don't even know why I did this either, but probably just curious.....and ended up with a few men responding. Most wanted a relationship and I expressly posted that I wanted a man for friendship only!!!! Just someone to do things with (and maybe feel good about myself again) One man wrote and we have so much in common. Love to snow ski, was born and raised in the same state as I, and now we live in Mi., etc etc. He would like to meet for coffee or a drink next week, and I am pretty much game for it. Am I crazy? Being ungrateful? Selfish? Loose? I was thinking I was just sad and lonely and missing a male's conversation and attention, but want absolutely nothing physical! HELP?

Gayle

ktlcs's picture
ktlcs
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

Go ahead and do what feels right for you. Meeting some one for coffee or a drink does not make you any of the things you are thinking. You may make a new friend, you may find this is not what you want right now, in any event you will never know until you try

Kathy

hope0310's picture
hope0310
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

No.....normal!! I so go for it, like Kathy said, you wont know unless you try!! Do morning coffee or something, there is no commitment with that. Do not do an evening or anything, have an out!!

hope0310's picture
hope0310
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

sorry....duplicate post!

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Gayle,
I know exactly what you mean. Eating alone sucks and you are not crazy for wanting male companionship. When my hubby died, a guy i had graduated with and we were friends with , sent a sympathy card cause he saw Tom's death notice in the paper. His wife died 4 years ago and I knew her also. Anyhow he said if I ever needed to talk< I should e-mail him. So I did and one morning we met for coffee and he knew exactly how I felt. We"ve been e-mailing every day and he calls once a week. And we've gone out to dinner quite a few times. It was hard at first cause I felt like I was cheating. I feel the same as you and want nothing physical either. But it's so nice having someone to do things with. So good luck, start with coffee and see how it goes. Keep me posted! "Carole"

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I agree with the others. Go for it. Who knows where it might lead. Just having some companionship is good. I'm happy with either female or male companionship. I would love to travel more, but I need a travel companion. This alone stuff is hard. I'm getting better at it. I, too, am not interested in a physical relationship right now. I'm sure that can change, too. Enjoy your coffee. Fay

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Double post

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Gayle, my love, has only been gone a month and a half. We did so much together. Just started thinking the other day how sad I may feel to go through this life with no one to travel with, have a dinner out with. Discuss current events with. I am blessed to be surrounded by loving family and friends, and have even gone out with them a couple of times. 30 yrs. is a long time to have shared a life with someone. I,too, do not wish for a "deep" relationship at this time, but I feel I will wish for companionship at some point.

Thank you for sharing your feelings. It made me realize that what I'm beginning to feel is normal, and nothing wrong with it. I so hope you do go out for coffee! And I hope that you have a nice time!

Lucy

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

You ladies are the best! I am so glad that what I am feeling must be normal and that I am not different from everybody else. I may as well give it a try and see what happens, and I always have an out...he says he wants nothing more that female friendship too and if he is honest, then maybe we will be friends. I hope so! Thank you all for your support and I will let you know how it goes.

Love ya, and bless you, Gayle

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Gayle,
I think it's funny that we all think the same! It's just hard like you said not having a male companion, especially after being married so long. Tom & I would've had our 47th anniversary on Feb 8th. I always said I'd never want to have to go through dating again, but ya never know till it happens right? As long as the guys aren't "horny" we're safe!!!!!!!
Not everyone knows that I'm seeing someone, but all the ones that do think it's great! My daughter thinks it's great, but my 2 sons don't say much so not sure how they feel.
Anyhow, good luck, start out slow & make him know what you want-------- No SEX!!! If he trys anything say "OOps, sorry forgot to shave my legs!" Ha ha!
Take care and keep us posted!!! Carole

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

Carole,
I like that hairy legs as a deterent!
Becky

junklady's picture
junklady
Posts: 88
Joined: Aug 2009

Amazing that this subject has been brought up. I feel the same the same way, wanting a man to do things with, just friendship, nothing more. I had a date before Christmas, a glass of wine and some dinner. To tell you the truth, it felt very awkward, like a teenager. I went home and said "No, I can't do this". It's hard to be with someone new, when you are used to being with the love of your life for many years. I have the guilt feeling going on, like Dale is watching me. No one will ever measure up to the man I loved. I've been spoiled and well taken care of for many years. I can't see it happening. However, I do have a gay man friend teaching me how to shoot pool, I know know I'm safe. Had a long time friend of Dale's and mine over for dinner the other night. He's alone too, and we had a wonderful conversation without any strings attached. I'm going on vacation for a week soon, of course by myself. Oh well, I'm trying to move forward. Only time will help. This is nice to know that we are not alone in thinking the way we do. Take care.

Cyndi

junklady's picture
junklady
Posts: 88
Joined: Aug 2009

Tell the men you don't shave your legs during snow tire season. That will give them something to think about.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I have told friends I want to be a cougar. I want a young, healthy one. One that can take care of me. Of course, there's no guarantee that will work, but I can dream. I just attended a women's spiritual retreat. It is amazing how many of us are alone either by choice, divorce, or death. That wasn't true of all there, but many. We were reminded of our sisterhood, our strenghth and courage to try new things. We were also reminded of the need for humor in our lives. This board is made up of both strong men and women. We are not just survivors. We are thriving. Fay

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

I consider this particular thread a sign of hope! And I sign that we are alive and that it is ok to feel again! Thank you all!

Lucy

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Junklady
So happy to see you posting. Thanks for the laughs and the smiles. Good for you, glad to see that you are doing your best to move on. Do you really think our loved ones would want us not to? Don't you think they are making new friends up in heaven, just waiting for us to come join them? Just friends, no commitments. You have a great vacation and do your best to have a good time, Dale would want you to! Hugs to you and thank you for your humor and inspiration. Keep in touch.
Tina in Va

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

Well ladies, we are, after all, human beings with LOTS of feelings. I am just going to keep an open mind and make myself have control of the situation, then go from there! At least I will have tried it and discover whether I am ready or not!

Thanks all!!!! Gayle

skipper85's picture
skipper85
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

It's always best to meet online friends in a public place and have a couple friends or your daughter be at the same place (only not with you) so they can make sure this guy is not just some psycho. I know I sound paranoid but we are all in a very vulnerable place right now. Oh and it wouldn't hurt to get the # off his license plate if anyone can do that for you too.

Yeah - I know you think I'm crazy but you've got to be careful the first few times you meet with a person you know nothing about.

Have fun but be careful - and don't let him know where you live for a while. Just meet in public places.

Good luck.

Skipper

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

No, I dont think you are crazy....very astute and giving me some good information that I havent necessarily thought of. So thank you very much skipper..it just may save me!!!
Bless you, GAyle

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hey Gayle, just wondering if you met that guy for coffee or not??? You'll probably feel like I did like you're cheating but it's just nice having a guy to talk to right??
Keep me posted on what's going on!
All you others who said you feel the same way about just wanting someone to be friends with, let us know if anything exciting has happened with you?
"Carole"

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

Well, we had a day set, then my father in another state got sick and is in the hospital, so I am with him through his PT/PT/Rehab in hopes for him to go back home. I will be here another week, then back home. So hopefully this guy is still interested and maybe make another date. So, for now, my life sucks because I miss my friends and family at home...Dad lives in NC where I grew up, but there is nothing for me here anymore, except Dad and it is all about him...he could care less about anyone else and it hurts that he hasnt even asked me how I have been doing. All he cares about it himself, so i cannot wait for my brother to take over when I go home...brother in yet another state too! Thanks for asking...you care more about me than my own father!!!!

Gayle

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Gayle,
gosh so sorry to hear about your dad getting sick now. Hope it's not serious. You sure didn't need that now. Course things don't happen at a convenient time as we all know.
I'm feeling sorry for myself today and have shed a few tears. Yesterday was the first time I had to go to a funeral without Tom by my side. My daughter came with me though. It was for Tom's 54 year old niece who died from pancreatic cancer. His stupid brother never even asked how I'm doing. All he thinks about is himself!
Well, hope that guy gives you a call again. did you tell him you had to go out of town? You could always call him too and say "I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep in touch!
Where in NC did you grow up? My daughter worked at Pitt County Memorial Hospital in Greenville for 3 years. I loved NC!! "Carole"

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

Born and raised in Winston-Salem, left NC in my 20's and did some traveling and ended up in Michigan after meeting my love in Texas. He was laid off from GM at the time and was down there working. We traveled like gypsies for a while, he got called back to his job and I went with him and have been here ever since. It is my home now....there is really nothing left for me in NC anymore.

debbieg5's picture
debbieg5
Posts: 168
Joined: Nov 2010

Not sure how long ago you were in Greenville. I know it has changed drastically since I was there. I'm an ECU Pirate alumni. Loved my days in Greenville.
debbie

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Hope your dad is better soon. Life keeps throwing us curves, doesn't it. Fay

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