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Penny.....

hope0310's picture
hope0310
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

Always on my mind luv...I am sure that is the same for many people here.

Hope you are holding your own in these difficult days, please do not hesitate to reach out to us, your family, friends, anyone and everyone. People want to help, want and need to feel needed. We have all been in some parts of your shoes, if not all and know how important the support is. I also know how easy it is to brush off the help and think "I can do this...no big deal, I don't need help". Not sure why any of us do that, but I guess it is human nature to try and deal on our own.

Please keep us posted, we all love and support you...

Be good to yourself!
Elysia

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Thanks so much. It's been a couple of brutal days. This morning I was back at the VA in Richmond finalizing autopsy requests and then spent the afternoon at the funeral home. As I cried on my way out to the car, I was overcome with an absolute obsession to get home. So I made the ten hour trip in 8.5hrs--three bathroom and gas stops later and I walked into my house. I am relieved! I am also unable to sleep. But at least I have insomnia in my own place, and a very happy kitty on my lap who is actually allowing me to pet her without biting me.

My house feels empty. Its too quiet. I've rampaged thru Mike office; don't know what I was looking for exactly, but now it looks like a bomb went off in it. First order of the day tomorrow is cleaning. Everything is coated with a layer of dust and cat hair.

I'm rambling, I know, but all I could think of all day was to get here. Now I don't know what to do.
Penny

Noellesmom
Posts: 1291
Joined: Aug 2010

Welcome home, Penny.

Hugs.

debbieg5's picture
debbieg5
Posts: 168
Joined: Nov 2010

Penny, I feel your pain and sorrow. Even though I have kids at the house, it still feels empty; especially when I go into our bedroom/bathroom/closet. I start looking at all the medications that are still on the bathroom counter and the clothes in the closet and it all starts rushing back that he is no longer here. I still have not been able to touch his side of the bed. the newspaper, his glasses and other things are still lying there just as they were before he got out of the bed. I tried to start doing some cleaning and paperwork but find that I can't focus very well. I guess that will get better with time.
I pray that you have the strength to get through the next week or so with all the planning. In the mean time, see if you can get scrip for Atavan or something similar. It has really helped me in the sleeping department.
Debbie

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Debbie,
Don't rush to get rid of his clothes. Tom will be gone a year in March and I have got rid of some stuff, but still have quite a bit left. My grandson who is 14 has taken some of his jeans & shirts, so when I see him in those, I feel good but also sad. As for the meds that he was on, I took those to our local police station. So you could check to see if there's someplace that you could take those. I also have the last shirt that he wore on his side of the bed. It's kind of comforting. Take care & keep in touch! "Carole"

debbieg5's picture
debbieg5
Posts: 168
Joined: Nov 2010

Carole....a friend at the funeral gave me an intersting idea. Take various pieces of his clothing and cut into squares and have small quilts made from them for each of the kids and myself. I thought that was a super idea. a lady at our church that just lost her husband during the summer is a seamstress. She is going to help me work on that down the road.
debbie

hope0310's picture
hope0310
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

We are doing the same thing Debbie~~a friend of mine told me she wished she had done that with her mothers things, so we are!!

Another friend made a "tie" quilt from the ties.

My stepdad loved the idea, b/c there were some clothes of moms that meant alot to him, but obviously he was not going to be wearing them, so the blanket was a fantastic idea~

Hugs to all!!
Elysia

debbieg5's picture
debbieg5
Posts: 168
Joined: Nov 2010

I like the tie idea too. When I went to pick out a tie for the funeral, i realized how many he had and wondered what i could do with them all.
Let me know how the quilt thing goes and if you have any pointers for which materials work best, etc.
debbie

skipper85's picture
skipper85
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

My neighbor made teddy bears from her husband's old flannel shirts. The kids really loved them.

Skipper

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

You're right, Debbie. No cleaning or moving of anything is going on in this house; not today, anyway. A wonderful friend just dropped off a sackful of groceries and some beautiful tulips to brighten my spirit. I have a doctors appointment to refill my antidepressants, and will ask about some meds to help with sleep, but I have to be very careful since I'm in recovery and am in a stressful situation. I am going to a 12 step meeting tonight.

SPending the afternoon in my PJs and being gentle with myself is the order of the day.
Penny

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Penny,
Glad to hear that you're back home. I know what you mean about the house seeming empty. The first thing I do when I walk in is to turn the tv or stereo on. Can't stand the quiet. If I had mice, I'd probably be able to hear them fart!!!
Do you work? I don't, but try to go shopping or out to lunch with friends. And also every morning I go down to our coffee shop. We have quite a huge group there who are like family, so that helps alot. At least there's some time that I actually have people to talk to.
Try to keep busy, cause that helps.
Hope you stay in touch! Take care of yourself now & try to relax. After these stressful times it's sometimes hard to do that though I know. "Carole"

DrMary's picture
DrMary
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2010

We had one that we rescued from the streets of Cairo as a kitten - she never seemed to understand that biting us when we were petting her was not going to do anything but make us dump her off our laps. Each time, she'd glare at us as if it were all OUR fault.

Still, she could tell when someone was sad and was amazingly gentle - when one of us was down, she'd sit in my lap or Doug's lap and let us pet her for a while (or even nap with her). I miss her still. We thought of trying to find another animal to keep Doug company while he was recovering (she died 2 years ago) but our hearts were not in it. Also, we've always just taken in whomever shows up at our door (like she did) and no one has lately. Perhaps when we really need someone again. . .

In any case, I'm glad you have someone there - take good care of each other.

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