Jan 14, 2011 - 10:27 pm
I lost my soul mate today. He passed relatively quickly and was not in pain, which was an answer to prayer. I asked God to take him quickly if there was no hope of a liver transplant. Right now I'm in a state of shock. Even though we knew this was a probable outcome, I never thought I'd find myself 500 miles from home, staying in the Fisher House, unable to get him into quality hospice care, and unable to make him comfortable in his own bed at home.
Life with cancer is full of surprises, I guess.
The next few days will be spent trying to make arrangements. My MIL will be going home on Sunday (mixed feelings)and I will stay in Richmond until cremation, then I'll bring him home to Florida myself. We will have a small memorial service in Jacksonville, and then I will bring his remains to Nebraska so he can be buried with his family.Those were his wishes. I plan on taking some much needed time off of work to just rest and regroup.
Most of the day he was laboring to breath and had his eyes closed. The only thing he said to me this morning was "I don't want to do this anymore", and I knew he was ready. But when his breathing began to slow, and I knew his time was at an end, He opened his eyes, looked directly into my eyes, and breathed his last. Then he closed his eyes and went to heaven.
I wonder if I will wake up tomorrow and this will all be a bad dream.