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Best friend is going to die

shamstarrr
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2011

My best friend is going to die of cancer, given less than 3 months. Not sure what Im going to do, shes such a good girl and has everything going for her. If she dies I may kill myself, shes so young and doesnt deserve it... its just not right.. any comfort? if not dont respond

AnneCan
Posts: 3693
Joined: Oct 2009

I am not sure what kind of cancer your friend has, or if she is undergoing treatment, but can tell you that these forums are filled people "given" X months and living much longer. I personally know someone who was "given" 3 months to live over 20 years ago. She is a true inspiration to me.

You may need someone neutral to talk to about your feelings. In my mind killing yourself would not help anything + would cause grief to all that love you.

Take it one day at a time + one treatment (if your friend is undergoing treatment) at a time.

I lost my best friend to melanoma 17 years. It was a bleak period in my life, except I was 7 months pregnant when my friend passed. My baby was born ~ 2 months later + we gave her my friend's name as her middle name. She is a wonderful reminder of my friend. I think of my friend daily, sometimes wondering what she would think of current technologies, etc. My friend had 2 scholarships created in her name + I spearheaded a fundraiser in her name to add funds to one of the funds. There are ways to honour your friend now, big + small.

I hope I provided at least a little comfort. Take good care of yourself.

Cindy Bear
Posts: 564
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry to hear this.. it's not fair and cancer sucks and yes sometimes life can suck.. but I think your friend would be very sad to hear you talk that way. She will want you to go on, to be strong. I lost my mother to uterine cancer almost 2 yrs ago, my FIL suddenly to a heart attack this year, along with my BIL to esoph cancer. I have felt angry, desolate, and yes after my mother passed, I felt that maybe I didn't want to go anymore. But I slowly pushed through. I was very angry for a long time and though that anger isn't good or healthy, it was a survival mechanism for me then. Slowly , I am letting go of that anger and it does get better and easier. SO please, if you have to feel something, get angry not sad.
Hugs, Cindy

sarge57's picture
sarge57
Posts: 50
Joined: Nov 2010

Losing a friend is not easy I too am losing my best friend to this disease, she is also my wife, probably no more than 3 months left could be weeks who knows. Losing a close relative or friend the very last thing they would want would be for you take your life as well. Hang in there it's not easy try and reach out to the support which is offered in coping with the disease and losing a loved one.

Be Strong and take one day at a time

All best wishes and prayers for you both
John

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi John,
I'm sorry to hear about your wife, but I can relate to how you feel. It's very hard to have to deal with this but so many of us on here have gone through it. I lost my husband, my "best friend" last March from Lung cancer. It's awful watching someone we love go through this suffering. Especially when he was hardly sick in our 46 years of marriage. But just cherish every day you have with your wife & keep telling her how much you love her.
Take care! "CArole"

sarge57's picture
sarge57
Posts: 50
Joined: Nov 2010

Thanks CArole

Sometimes I find this sight very helpful other times very depressing so many people fighting this disease. We have not been together as long you and your husband were we are both 53, last July we got back from Myrtle Beach and she got sick a month later, 3 weeks after she first sick diagnosed with stage 4 cervical. You are soo right day in day out watching them suffer in pain and seeing them slip away from you day by day.

How are you coping these days without him, I think coming home to an empty house every night is the most distressing thing for me. I try and spend as much time with her as I can and do tell her I love, that usually makes her cry though.

Thanks for listening
John

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

John,
I sat and cried here tonite cause I just read that Pennymac's husband lost his fight. He's been fighting it for awhile and it's been so hard on Penny. Don't know if you've read any of her posts.
Anyhow you asked how I'm coping these days without my hubby? Well he died last March and I started seeing a counselor ( one on one) in April. I had been seeing her every other week, and then went to once a month. Well I'm happy to say that I went to her yesterday and said "I think I can handle this now, so don't think I have to come here anymore". So we'll see what happens. But she said I can call her if I ever need to talk. I'm also on Zoloft which has helped alot, but should be off that in another month. So please, when something does happen to your wife don't hesitate to get help!!
You're right it is lonely coming home to an empty house. I always have the TV or radio on for company. But I'm taking it one day at a time. Also have 3 kids and grandkids who keep me busy. And thank God for friends & this site. We are like a family here and all grieve together when someone is lost.
Gosh, sorry for rambling on. Take care John! Keep telling her how much you love her. Tom & I cried alot after his diagnosis, but always told each other how we felt.
"Carole"

sarge57's picture
sarge57
Posts: 50
Joined: Nov 2010

Carol, I see how Pennymac lost her husband and his battle. I have been following her rollercoaster ride, she and I have a little correspodance back and forth with each other.
You are right about getting help I have been already, I see the social worker at the cancer clinic 2-3 times a month. She has helped with another view of things and ways to deal with various situations. Once I loose I plan on continuing to see her at least for a while. I have been taking ativan when I wake up in the middle of the night and cant get back to sleep, it helps when needed.

I can only imagine how hard it must be coming home to no one, my Dad died last February and that is part my Mom struggles with almost a year later, they were married 54 years. Unfortunately we were not able to give her the support she needed, but she has been great to us and especially my wife (Tracy).

The two of cried when she was diagnosed last August and for me know I pray every day that the Lord will take her, she is not getting better I just want the pain to go away and it is just so hard to watch and not be able to do anything for her. Last night I was up
her from 12:30 -6:00 rubbing her back as it was sore, she has finally gone to sleep. This site has been a help for me as so many are going through similar situations.

Thanks for listening Carol and stay strong

All the best
John

kingcole42005's picture
kingcole42005
Posts: 177
Joined: Oct 2010

Killing yourself is not the answer and will only make things worse. Think about everyone that loves you and how much they will be hurt. I bet if you told her that it would hurt her too to know how much pain her dying is going to cause you. You need help, pronto. Get out your computer and look up a good doctor and make an appointment. You need grief counseling. I know she's not gone but a counselor can help you help her in her time of need. She needs you, so you need to pull it together and be their for her until her time here is done. You can be a such a comfort to her in her most desperate time of need. She needs as much love around her as she can get.

MCKMNL
Posts: 40
Joined: Jan 2011

your pain is so real and very much validated sweetie, but please do not talk abouth hurting yourself. My dad was just dx'd with cancer, and I am a daddies girl, my pain is just as strong as yours,but I am not ready to leave this earth. I just wanna say I have seen first hand someone get the 3 months to live, he went on for another 10 YRS!!! Hiss name is Geoge, and he was my neighbor. He gives me great hope that I can have my dad for another 10 ys ( he is y hope, and inspiation for this damn disease ). Keep coming here, keep talking, let it all out, cy, scream, yell. All of us can relate to the pain you are feeling. Sending you loads of love and hugs. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!!!

Missy

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