Jan 11, 2011 - 8:58 pm
My 42 year old husband, lost his fight October 13th 2010, diagnosed on march 13th 07. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get off the roller coaster. My husband was in the hospital at the end of June '10 for procedure. The doctors sent him home 10 days later July 2nd, with hospice saying, "there is nothing more we can do for you". That day is the day I know he gave up. He never wanted to go out for a walk with me or take a drive for no reason. He slept during the day, stayed up all night long. When it got to the point he was fading away, he realized it was to late and told me he wasted so much time.
There were days at the end that my husband would leave the house unlocked, walk 5 blocks for a news paper and walk back. Not thinking about what he was doing. He would put glass bowls on the stove top because he could not remember how to use the microwave. At some point I had to put my husband in a nursing home. I was so afraid for him.
My daughter, his step wanted to come home from college to help me but I never wanted to burden her. My husband didn't want her to see him like he was (always caring about others).
I know it takes time. Its now just over 3 months. I sat home crying on Thanksgiving, Christmas too. I can't talk to my family about my feelings. I don't think they understand. I haven't heard from his family since the funeral. Somedays are good, most days are not.
I miss him so much and I don't know what to do, or how to deal with the hurt in my heart. I've been to counseling a couple of times but always felt worse when I left.
Thank you for listening (reading), Amy