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Can't stop crying

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 595
Joined: Jun 2010

The week after I got my diagnosis in May, my dear friend and fellow board member of a local non profit was also diagnosed. I have NMZ NHL Stage iv. He had SMZ NHL. We called ourselves the Lymphoma twins and we emailed and talked constantly about how we would beat this together. He needed to get back on his bike next summer and I need to kayak.

I just got a phone call that Ralph passed last night. I am in shcok. Last week when I saw him he said it was still the watchful waiting game and then eventually Rituxan. His wife told me last week he has had terrible diarrhea and so we had a long talk about that because I'm battling C-Diff right now. I also told her all about you and she was going to check out the sight for herself. The only thing I know is that his liver gave out after a high fever. No other details yet. I am in shock.

So my lymphoma family, I don't know what else to say. I am so sad. I hate cancer.

Love,
Donna

Thanks for listening.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

First I want to say how sorry I am to hear about your friend. Sounds like when it got to the liver it went downhill fast from there. I am so sorry.

I am a 23 year survivor of NHL myself and saw others who had bone marrow transplants like I did, way back then, not make it through treatments and here I am 23 years later.

It will be a shock for awhile as to your friends sudden passing and that is completely normal so do grieve that but remember you are fighting NHL yourself too. Everyone is different as to how they handle treatments and the cancers themselves so please try and focus on your treatments and in your recovery too at this point.

It's hard I know.

Yes by all means encourage his wife to come to the site for support. There is a good caregivers group here as well as this one.

I wish you all the best with your treatments and remember cancer can be cured today, I was, and you can be too. Fight on and try to use the memory of your friends strength battling his cancer to make your fight even stronger. I am sure he would want you to do just that.

Blessings,

Bluerose

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3173
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Donna,
I'm so very sorry you lost your friend. We have a very close dear friend battling colorectal cancer and it isn't looking good for him. The thought of loosing him is almost more than we can bear. His father died last summer very suddenly and he was also very dear to us. I understand completely what you are feeling and my heart goes out to you. Hearing this today about your friend makes me realize how much more time I need to be spending with Simon, our friend. Stay strong Donna, we all re-act differently with our cancer treatments...what doesn't work for one, doesn't mean it won't work for another. You are in my prayers dear. Love..Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Donna,
This is one of those situations where words are never enough. I don't know what to say except I am so sorry for your loss. We are all different in how we handle this disease. Just have positive wishes for all.(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Donna,
This is one of those situations where words are never enough. I don't know what to say except I am so sorry for your loss. We are all different in how we handle this disease. Just have positive wishes for all.(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

I'm so sorry Donna. I know how hard it is to absorb the loss of a friend, especially one with the same type of cancer we have. It's almost impossible to separate ourselves.
My heart truly goes out to you honey. You are in my prayers and thoughts.

Beth

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 595
Joined: Jun 2010

Thanks all. I am totally wiped out tonight, not only because I have this nasty infection, but from crying. Thank you for all the kind words of encouragement. I do agree that I (we) need to keep fighting the good fight with all we've got in memory of Ralph. It is what he would have wanted no doubt. I feel so grateful for all of you.

Love,
Donna

NMZL Stage iv 05/10

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

My thoughts are with you. Sorry for your loss. Ralph was lucky to have you as his friend so may your memories bring the strength in you to live on.

Liz

tcvine's picture
tcvine
Posts: 174
Joined: Aug 2010

Donna,
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Ralph. It is always sad and alarming when we hear of someone who did not survive.
But you have to get on with your survival. It is impressive that you seek to get back to your kayaking. I hope you push for that.
Now that I'm in remission, I have been working to get back to rowing. I have used an indoor rower for part of my exercising for many years. And since there are online clubs that keep various rowing statistics by age group, I am able to gauge how bad it really is. It can be a good incentive. Starting back now, it is clear that I have a very long way to go - but it is goal. I hope that your kayaking can be that for you.
Stay the fight, Donna. We are all for you.

Tom (DLBCL-Stage 4-7/10-Remission)

vinny59's picture
vinny59
Posts: 1030
Joined: Nov 2006

That's so very sad, there is nothing to say, cancer does suck...... take care Donna, Vinny

JoanieP's picture
JoanieP
Posts: 573
Joined: Mar 2010

Donna
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through with the loss of your friend. It seems like on this journey we see such contrasts of HOPE and DESPAIR. May God wrap his loving arms around you in this most difficult time.

miss maggie
Posts: 929
Joined: Mar 2010

Donna, I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. Just remember each dx is different. But, as I understand it, he had no treatment at all? My thoughts are with you and your pain.

Maggie

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 595
Joined: Jun 2010

Thank you all so much for your love and support. You are all always there for me and I love you all.

I go for an oncologist appt on Tuesday. I know many of us have appts coming up. Praying we all do well and that many hear the "R" word!!

Love,
Donna

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