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I want to apologize

areomech's picture
areomech
Posts: 33
Joined: Sep 2010

Hello to all,
I want to apologize to you guys and gals for not showing continuous suport on this board. I just finish my treatments yesterday. The treatments really draged me in to this darkness I can't shake. My emotions are all over the board. I am putting my wife through hell and it's not fair to her. I am hoping with the end of the treatment I can start seeing the light. Thanks for listening.
Mike

sweetblood22's picture
sweetblood22
Posts: 3230
Joined: Jan 2010

Don't apologize! We have all been there. Treatment can be brutal and really wear you down. Just be aware of possible clinical depression that may creep up in you at this stage of the game. This can be the roughest part of the road in this journey and a lot of us really struggled physically and emotionally after treatment when our side effects peaked. Just a heads up. Your docs can help you with meds if it happens.

We are hear for you and will listen whenever you need to vent. Venting helps you feel better. I know for a while there I was so depressed and cranky I didn't post because I had like nothing nice to say and I didn't want to be a serious negative nelly cause I was feeling down right nasty.

Wishing you and your wife well.

Hugs

Sweet

delnative's picture
delnative
Posts: 452
Joined: Aug 2009

Good Lord, dude, you've just been through a brutal experience both physically and emotionally.
No apologies necessary. We've all been there. It sucks, but it gets better.
So will you.

--Jim in Delaware

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8052
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Mike, no need to apologize for anything, we all deal in a manner that get's us through it.

Like Sweet mentioned, just be aware and seek additional professional help if needed. One thing that people tend to become discouraged about. Is the fact (if you had radiation especially) that the next 4 - 5 weeks are pretty tough also. You are still still cooking basically from the rads.

But, the main thing is that you made it through. Now given a little time to get it out of your system. Once you've gone a few weeks from now, you'll start feeling a little better. It's not quick, actually it's knid of slow. But it is the turn around, the point that you know you are getting well again.

Best wishes coming your way, and visit whenever you feel like it.
John

Hal61's picture
Hal61
Posts: 656
Joined: Dec 2009

Hi Mike, I've apologized to several people through my treatment and recovery, so I know how you feel, but certainly nobody hear needs any apology. The people I apologized to in person said they understood, so do we. I'm eight months out and still have my down days and up days, but better days are increasing, and so will yours. I'm sure the one that catches the most hell from you is yourself, so give yourself a break. As mentioned, you've still got some tough days so come here and tell us how cancer sucks when you feel like it.

best, Hal

mixleader
Posts: 267
Joined: Oct 2010

Hi, Mike. I absolutely agree that you have no reason whatsoever to apologize to any of us. All of we survivors understand the hell that this can put us through. We also understand how if makes our emotions go crazy. I wish for you all the best and by all means, don't be afraid to rant or whatever here.

Roger

BrianKrashpad's picture
BrianKrashpad
Posts: 188
Joined: Jan 2011

Dude, real life takes precedence! No apology necessary.

Best of luck and if things get rougher, see if you need professional help for depression. Prayers and mojo.

Be well!

adventurebob's picture
adventurebob
Posts: 690
Joined: Jun 2010

Hey Mike,
Nice to hear you're done with treatment. Not so nice about the darkness. Let the light on in now. Humor, love, exercise, animals, nature, but especially humor. So good to have you back here. Go easy.

Bob

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5604
Joined: Apr 2009

Sounds normal to me, Yep I did the same thing put my poor wife Caregiver who was with me through all my treatments through living hell. But you know what it makes me just love her all the more to know she never gave up on me when I was giving up on everything else.

Glad to hear the good news that you are finish treatment, take care my friend
Hondo

kingcole42005's picture
kingcole42005
Posts: 177
Joined: Oct 2010

I'm on my last 4 treatments and I find myself being really nasty to the ones I love the most. I'm having terrible side effects and I don't know why I'm treating them that way. Particularly my husband. I do apologize to him and he understands, but it's hard on all of us. Take care and good luck to you. I'm sorry your having such a hard time. Take care, Shelly

Pam M's picture
Pam M
Posts: 2194
Joined: Nov 2009

Like the others - know that there's no need to apologize - glad you're back with us. Sorry you've been dealing with so much.

rozaroo
Posts: 667
Joined: Apr 2010

Getting through treatment sucked the life right out of me & I am sure most of us. I couldn't
go on the computer as it made me physically ill. I was nasty to my hubby & my daughter who would drive 4 hour's to come & help out when needed & she had a young family & buisness at
home. They understood as my personality was never like that. I shut everyone out including
some family member's etc. I guess we have our reason's & personally I did not wish for anyone to see me in such rough condition. We all get through it & you will also. There is no
reason to apologize whatsoever. My cancer treatment centre has a phsycologist & councellor's
on site & they helped me through quite a few issues. If the help is there then please take it. Depression comes & go's but each day is getting better. It is great to have you back & I
wish you well with your recovery.
Hang in there
Roz

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

Unlike the others, I accept your apology (for what, I do not know), and hope that your wife will too. Others have given you the facts about what this disease does to us both physically and emotionally so I won't repeat their eloquent words. Suffice it that I know how it feels to sense that an apology is necessary, and how good it is to have it accepted.

I wish you the best. Your journey through this is not over by any stretch, but recognizing that your behaviour has not been on its best behaviour is a big step in moving forward, even if we all acknowledge that there are perfectly legitimate reasons for the diversion from your normally lovely self :).

Best wishes as well to your wife and all of your loved ones!

Take care,

Joe

Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1580
Joined: May 2009

You have no reason to apologize to us, your wife maybe, LOL, but not us. I'm sure most of us have stayed away from the discussion boards at one time or another for our own reasons. I'm 15 months post treatment and I still have times when I stay away from CSN because emotionally I'm not always strong enough to read some of the posts.

You will now start seeing the light at the end of the "treatment tunnel" but please don't try to rush anything. Recovering takes a while and you will have your ups and downs. Just be patient, with yourself and your wife. I know, I know, easier said than done :)

Relax and rest, you will start feeling better each week.

Stay well,
Glenna

Noellesmom
Posts: 1270
Joined: Aug 2010

Hope your wife is on the caregivers site reading the posts and posting when she wants to. It is a great support for her.

Give your wife a hug.

Onward and upward now, aeromech.

ratface's picture
ratface
Posts: 1230
Joined: Aug 2009

Hi Mike, you will soon start feeling abandoned and alone now that you are not being treated by a cadre of doctors on a daily basis so we hope to see more of you here.

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

Mike
No need to apologize to us but it is accepted. We have all been thru what your going thru and feel pretty much the same as you. I would try to use this thought, if you are feeling frustrated come here and vent. Being frustrated with your number one caregiver is not good for either of you. Reverse your roles, would you want your wife to be frustrated at you if you were doing everything you can and have no idea how it feels. Focus on a nice eye contact with wife and visit those here where they have so much experience.

Feel free to contact me direct if it is easier than this site.

Be strong, Be Thankful
John

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