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i called Hospice :(

cher8871
Posts: 64
Joined: May 2010

i called hospice over the weekend for dad. his chemo is not working and it's making him feel like hell. i asked him if he wanted to stop for a while and see if maybe he can feel better. he said yes, and they have been wonderful. one reason that made me feel it was the right thing to do was, when the primary nurse walked upon the porch, she was a lady i babysat for when i was a teenager!! hadn't seen her in 20 years.....she was fantastic. nonetheless, dad still feels like crap. the dizziness seems worse and his food intake is just about none....he just picks at stuff. now he'll eat chocolate pudding and stuff like that, but just one pudding cup. yesterday he had one of those and half of a bottle of glucerna. he keeps asking me why he feels so bad. how do you explain to someone with brain mets, that can't remember anything short term, that they are dying and it's just all a part of the process? without losing my own mind, that is. i feel so bad for him and i feel really sorry for myself at times. wow, if my mind would slow down, i might be able to get off of this freaking rollercoaster. the doc told me i had a mood disorder...i looked at him and said, no sh!t dumbass. my mind rambles just like this post does......

cheri :(

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

docs can be real dumbasses can't they? what an Einstein moment - "you have a mood disorder." No s*** sherlock! how'd you figure that one?!

Lots of hugs hun. I'm close to calling hospice as well, but not sure if it will be for pallative or just general so I can try and go back to work. Depends on a lot.

You're in my thoughts. And don't worry about rambling. It makes sense.

April

cher8871
Posts: 64
Joined: May 2010

you guys will be in my thoughts and prayers!!

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

You're not alone. After almost two years of roller coasters, mom's demise is picking up speed. The oncologist yesterday pretty much said good luck see ya, in a nice way, so now us fam have little to do but please her as much as we can and wait for the other shoe to drop.

1Teresa
Posts: 68
Joined: Dec 2010

today I had to call 911 and mom went to the ER. Her friggin dr didnt want to admit her but the ER dr wanted to. Her stupid friggin quack of a dr has given up on her!! The nearest cancer specialist is a 2 hour drive from here and mom is too weak and sick and in pain to make the trip!! I hate her dr for not seeing the signs when she was going to him and complaining about her symptoms!!!! They said that her bone mets tumors are "all over her back" and she has a large one in her rib cage and several in her hips and pelvis and broken ribs!!! She has a colonoscopy with another dr schedualed Dec. 21 but heck if I know what for since her md dr has written her off!!! The people in the ER were very sympathetic and upset that her dr wouldnt agree to admit her (she has a touch of pnemonia now). I wonder how her dr would feel if HE had mets to the bones with tumors and broken ribs and a touch of pnemonia on top of it? Vomiting and coughing will brake ribs or her back in this case!! They told me to take her to his office and bug him, but of course I cant haul my mom around with her in so much pain. Maybe hospice can help, I dont know..... Ive heard that hospice is a death sentence though...... but then again, maybe that is where we are I just dont know. Merry Christmas!

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

hospice can be for pallative, but can also be for general stuff too, especially if the patient has pain issues or other conditions which might need round the clock monitoring.

Me I'm terrified to leave hubby alone for more than a couple hours at a time. Tell you what, you look into it and I'll look into it and see what happens :)

cher8871
Posts: 64
Joined: May 2010

honestly, it was a relief once i made the phone call and they all came out to meet dad. one of his biggest things has always been that he does not want to go back to the hospital EVER again. with hospice, you call them first instead of 911. he likes that so i like it too! it's just so difficult with my dad because his brain mets make his cognition, shaky at best. we watched the bucket list last week and he looked at me, when they told jack nicholson that he had a year max to live, and asked if anyone had ever given him a time frame. i was flabbergasted, because we talked about it pretty extensively when the onco first told him the avg time frame for his type of cancer was a year from diagnosis. i was honest and told him....it seemed to knock the wind out of him a little. i hate cancer!!!!! and i also think with the BILLIONS of dollars spent on research, it's ridiculous that they don't have a cure.......

merry christmas guys!

my thoughts and prayers are with you all!!!

skipper85's picture
skipper85
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

I'm hoping hospice will be at least several months away for my husband but I don't know. His back pain (from the cancer pressing on a nerve)is getting worse. The meds don't seem to work that well anymore. Guess they'll have to up the dose or give him something else. I'm hoping the new chemo he starts in January will shrink the tumors but he doesn't eat enough so he's still losing weight. He's down to about 106 now. I know once he starts the chemo he will stop eating again and maybe stop drinking the Ensure altogether. With the results of his last CT scan I know hospice is in his future - just not sure how soon. Some days I think it will be very soon and other days I think well maybe he will make it another year or so. I think that is really reaching though.

This rollercoaster is exhausting. I take Prozac. It's holding me together - maybe a little too good. I also have Klonapin for when I'm super anxious but I try to only take it at night. It helps with the weird dreams I've been having. Last night I dreamt Anaconda snakes were chasing me and some other people. I woke up more tired than when I went to bed. I get a lot of strange dreams lately - must be the stress.

Hope you guys have a non-eventful, peaceful Merry Christmas. Let's hope for some miracles in 2011.

Skipper

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