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Just lost a good friend way too young

Ray2010
Posts: 7
Joined: Dec 2010

Hi All,

On Monday 12/6 I lost a friend to cancer. He was only 35. He was diagnosed with stage 4 in is liver and it had spread to his lungs by the time it was discovered. He only lived a few months after being diagnosed.

Right now I feel like I am just in shock and have no idea what to do or how to feel. We were roommates after college and we moved on with our lives, but we remained friends. We talked a couple times a year, and met up for dinner on our birthday's and the holidays.

When you are this young I guess you never think of dying. I feel so awful right now. As I begin to start a family I can't help but think of all the things he will not see or do and it makes me feel even worse. I also worry about his wife, as she too is very young and I know he was her whole life.

How do we offer support without making her feel worse too? I know they were planning on starting a family as well and hand big plans for their future. Would I be out of place to suggest grief counseling?

I sympathize with all here who have lost a loved one. This is by far the worst thing in the world.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Ray, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. You're right he was way too young. Life is not fair sometimes. I lost my husband in March and don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for family & friends. So if you want to support his wife, call her and let her know that you're there if she needs to talk.
The holidays are going to be rough for me & everyone else who has lost a loved one this year. But we have to be strong as they would want us to be. Take care! "Carole"

Ray2010
Posts: 7
Joined: Dec 2010

Thank you Carole!

I am very sorry for your loss as well. I can only imagine how tough the Holidays are for you. We were going to do exactly what you suggested. I will mention to her your advice to stay strong as he would have wanted her to be.

Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

Ray

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1627
Joined: Aug 2009

I, too, am sorry you lost your friend at such a young age. You are very kind to think of the wife. If you are close enough to her, I would encourage you to mention grief counseling. She can decide for herself if it is something she wants, but she may not have thought of it. We all need to grieve in our own way and time, but friends and family are very important. Too often people are afraid that they might say the wrong thing so they don't say anything. That often times hurts more than saying the wrong thing. Just let her know you are there to help. You are grieving as well. Friends are hard to lose. When I lost my husband, I know that many of his friends grieved for him. Those who wrote me notes or called have a special place in my grieving process. They will never know how very much they helped me. It has been over a year, and I still get calls from a couple of them who live in another state regularly. That means a great deal to me. Fay

Ray2010
Posts: 7
Joined: Dec 2010

We know her well and will suggest grief counseling. I also wanted to let her know abut this site and discussion board. Just knowing that so many others are going through the same thing really helps me, and hopefully it can help her as well.

I like the idea of phone calls and trips for dinner when she feels up to it (she only lives about an hour away).

I'm just afraid that seeing us will just make her start missing him more as we all used to hang out often. As long as we don't make her feel worse I am available for whatever she needs.

I am sorry for you loss as well, and thank you again for your thoughts,

Ray

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Ray,
Why not suggest to your friends wife to come on this site. It's been such a big comfort to me talking to other wives who have lost their spouse. Also tell her if she needs to, to go see a counselor. I've been seeing one since April and also am taking an anti-depressant which has really helped alot to.
Hope she asks for help if she needs it. Good luck & take care! 'Carole'

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