What Do I DO

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cwilder
cwilder Member Posts: 6
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hello all, my siter was told in September that she has stage 2b or 3a lung cancer. she has now completed her second round of chemo and goes for another cat scan on the 8th and if things have not change I am afraid that she is going t give up. What can I say or do to help her with her results? Her husband keeps saying that he does not know what to say or do for her, and I am in the same boat. We talk but she trys to remain stong and not show that she is scared and she is worried that our mother can't handle much more. I do not know what she wants and I don't think she does either. Can anyone there give me any suggestions.

Thanks

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  • Mrsbourceforce
    Mrsbourceforce Member Posts: 19 Member
    #2
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    Sorry
    I'm sorry for you and your sister. Unfortunately there are no good answers to your questions. We have no choice but to deal with things the best we can.. Even just minute to minute. She probably doesn't know what she needs.. All you can do is be there and be an advocate for her. Good luck
  • rankind
    rankind Member Posts: 36
    #3
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    pray
    Come to terms with whatever is going to happen and know that it is not the Chemo or any treatment that will save her. It is in Gods hands and he will guide all of you on the walk. My brother has Metastatic Pancreatic Cancer and they have just stopped all treatment. I have to believe that even without treatment he still has time ahead and the opportunity to ready himself for whatever is ahead of him. I know how you feel I am so scared and I hate seeing my mom and dad this worried and I know they are dying inside. Actually I think your sister will come to terms with the future better than you will. I hope this helps and really my family and I are out there floundering as everyone else is. Hospice has come in and they are so very comforting and they really just take over and you really do feel safer with them there. I will pray for you and your family
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #4
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    maybe there is nothing you should say
    Maybe saying something to your sister is not what she needs right now: maybe she needs you to just listen or be there for her. She knows there is not a thing you can say or do to make this right and she doesn't expect you to.

    Let her know how much you love her, that you are there for her whatever her decisions may be and that you will be there to take care of your mother.

    This is not easy for any of you - please be gentle with yourselves.
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #5
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    this is a hard thing
    sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. I'm having all the hard conversations with my husband - funeral, what's next, what do you want to do, how do you want to approach this, etc. I don't want these conversations, but I have learned to treat this like warfare or a chess match. See all the options, plan for everything, and pick the one you want.

    Above all, this is her decision to make. Whatever she decides, make peace with it. And have the hard conversations. It gives her input and control over something, when so much has been out of control for all of you and her.

    I'm not telling you to stop hoping. Chess match - plan for everything, pick the move you want.

    It's better to be the boy scout (be prepared) than to not be, I guess. It's made me feel better.

    Love and hugs,
    April
  • cwilder
    cwilder Member Posts: 6
    #6
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    Thank all of your. I will
    Thank all of your. I will try
  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #7
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    mswijiknyc said:

    this is a hard thing
    sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. I'm having all the hard conversations with my husband - funeral, what's next, what do you want to do, how do you want to approach this, etc. I don't want these conversations, but I have learned to treat this like warfare or a chess match. See all the options, plan for everything, and pick the one you want.

    Above all, this is her decision to make. Whatever she decides, make peace with it. And have the hard conversations. It gives her input and control over something, when so much has been out of control for all of you and her.

    I'm not telling you to stop hoping. Chess match - plan for everything, pick the move you want.

    It's better to be the boy scout (be prepared) than to not be, I guess. It's made me feel better.

    Love and hugs,
    April

    Hard conversations
    Mike and I have been having these discussions since my mom went through this last year. Both of us were able to clarify our end of life issues, but I never thought we'd be putting them into place so soon. During one of his hospitalizations a couple of weeks ago we completed the end of life paperwork, and he talked to me about his right to refuse treatment options. The doctor told us tonight that he is in acute liver failure, and Mike has begun refusing some of the treatments; he also requested a DNR status. I told him I'd support what ever decision he wanted to make, even if it was for him to tell me that he's tired of fighting. My heart is breaking though. I didn't realize, April, that your husband has gotten so sick. My thoughts are with you.
    Penny
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    #8
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    cwilder said:

    Thank all of your. I will
    Thank all of your. I will try

    Others have said it
    Just be there. Hold her hand, do the things that she likes. Let her know you are there, you will not leave her no matter what, you will endure.
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #9
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    Pennymac02 said:

    Hard conversations
    Mike and I have been having these discussions since my mom went through this last year. Both of us were able to clarify our end of life issues, but I never thought we'd be putting them into place so soon. During one of his hospitalizations a couple of weeks ago we completed the end of life paperwork, and he talked to me about his right to refuse treatment options. The doctor told us tonight that he is in acute liver failure, and Mike has begun refusing some of the treatments; he also requested a DNR status. I told him I'd support what ever decision he wanted to make, even if it was for him to tell me that he's tired of fighting. My heart is breaking though. I didn't realize, April, that your husband has gotten so sick. My thoughts are with you.
    Penny

    thanks Penny
    As 9/11 cancers go, they strike hard and fast and do not give up. I'm trying to decide how to handle this emotionally, but each day I'm scared to leave my house. I'm scared to leave because I don't know what I will come home to.

    I'm being the boy scout my brain needs me to be, but my heart is the little girl who is still scared of thunderstorms.

    Dear God, let me get through today. . . .

    April
  • mukamom
    mukamom Member Posts: 402
    #10
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    ms.sunshine said:

    Others have said it
    Just be there. Hold her hand, do the things that she likes. Let her know you are there, you will not leave her no matter what, you will endure.

    I'm sorry
    about your sister's dx. Different people react differently to a cancer diagnosis and she may have not had the time to adjust to it. Who is her caregiver?? It is important to learn all about her cancer, prognosis, treatment options, and even alternatives and be able to discuss these with her doctors. Maybe a therapist just to help with her coping. Attitude, attitude, attitude--mind, body and spirit (I stole that from Kerry S on the colorectal board thx Kerry!)

    Cancer is not the death sentence it used to be...but it still SUCKS

    Angela

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