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My mums spirit

Chickidy27
Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi..My mom was diagnosed in March with stage 1 rectum cancer.She had a mass so she received radiation and chemo everyday for 2 months.The doctors were so positive they could fix it. Then a few months later around June she started with this cough...make a long horrible story short they found many huge masses in her lungs,pelvic area..and said there was no more they could do.no she wasnt a smoker either.So she died on October 29th the day before my little sisters 18th bday.for the past three nights I feel like my 2 little kids crawl in bed with me then i open my eyes and they arent there.Do you think Im dreaming or could it be my mum hugging me? Im so mad about this.Im cranky,miserable,I try to be happy for my kids and sometimes I can but then I just dont care or something..cant help it.I dont have anyone I can talk to. The worst part is I had to move to another state before she died..I visited her twice since august well once when she was still alive.But the worst is my dad and my sis are all the way in Florida(in my mums home she died in)and Im here in Massachusetts.Everyday I wake up and my chest feels so heavy.I try to think positive and thankful foy mt 2 little healthy ones but Im not happy and I feel guilty but Im pissed.Help me someone please..

Marcia527's picture
Marcia527
Posts: 2734
Joined: Jul 2006

I lived in another state from my mom also. I went and stayed for a month with her to help my sisters. I came home for a week to rest and see my hubby/kids and she died while I was gone. If I'd known I'd not have left.

Our mom's want us to be happy not guilty. They are out of pain and in a better place. Try to gain peace from that.

Mine died of ovarian cancer.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1312
Joined: Aug 2010

Chickidy, I'm sorry about your mom. It sounds like it was a very rough go of things for your mom and your family.

It is hard to be away from the ones we love when something like this is going on. You have my sympathy.

Can't tell you what would be right for you but I can tell what I would try - pull those little ones into bed with you and read them a story or tell them about their grandmother - whatever seems right to you. Then, tuck them into their own beds for the night. This may dispel any of these feelings you have experienced.

The anger and sadness - you may need to find a support group or someone you can just sit and talk to.

October 29th is such a short time ago, Chickidy. Please be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to grieve your mom. Anger is just one of the stages of grieving. Please don't take it as anything else.

Hugs.

Chickidy27
Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2010

thanks alot..It happened again last night.I just wish I knew it was my mum. I appreciate your thoughts. xo

mariam_11_09's picture
mariam_11_09
Posts: 693
Joined: Nov 2009

I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. That is a lot to greive and if you don't allow yourself to grieve fully then it is going to come out in all sorts of ways. If you open up to the way you feel it will take you on a journery of healing but denying it or thinking you should be feeling something different is only going to complicate things. Sometimes explaining to your little ones that your feel angry or sad that you lost your mum might help you and them. They know you are feeling something and I am sure on some level will understand that loosing your mum is very sad.

As for the feeling of you kids in your bed, it could be your mum, it could be you needing a hug from her or deriving some comfort in your kids. I would sit quietly with this feeling and see where it leads you and go on that. Who knows what that is about.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4679
Joined: May 2005

My Mom is not doing well, she is 91 and her kidneys are failing. We're getting close to losing her. It's a rough thing to have to go through, I went through it 21 years ago with my Dad and now this. It's part of growing older and part of life. It's a crummy part though. I have not had a family member pass away all of a sudden, there has always been some time where we got to say what we needed to say to each other. For that I am grateful. I've lost friends though that I never got to say goodbye too, that has been rough. have you thought of seeking out a therapist to help you come to terms with your Mom's passing? Sometimes that can be of help I believe. It's rough, we all grieve in our way in our own time. You do sound like you have a lot going on but to be honest, I think it's pretty normal all of what you are feeling not that it will make you feel better but hopefully you'll realize that you are not alone with how you feel.
-phil

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5881
Joined: Apr 2009

Sorry to hear about your Mother, but what a great age to live to, my mom died at 56. Sometime all we have left of them are there memories and the things that they taught us that meth the most to them.

All the best to you my friend

Hondo

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5881
Joined: Apr 2009

Death is never easy for us to take, I lost my Mon to colon cancer 22 years ago, she was a very good woman and did not need to suffer the way she did. One thing I remember that she told me, she said Son I am OK I know my Lord and my savior, I don’t pray for my self I pray for all of my children that you all will know Jesus like I know him. What a woman of faith, I learned a lot from her and I carry her memory with me many years later. Now that I too have cancer I find that like her I pray for others and not my self, this is a wonderful way to remember my Mother by her faith.

Take care

amyb15's picture
amyb15
Posts: 108
Joined: Jun 2009

hi everyone: i usually post on the colon cancer board becasue mey sister (age 43) has stage 4 cancer. DX in 3/09. Mets to liver and lungs. Last scan showed an increase in the cancer, She has gone through the standard treatments and is now back on the first one she started on(Folfox) Her liver enzymes are elevated as is her biliruben, we are still hopig and praying for a miralce or some type of treatment tht would work for her. I guess what I want to ssy is I lost both of my grandmothers within the last couple of years,. They were 101 and 92 years old. It was very hard to wathc them die and I still miss the 92 year old every day. I feel lucky to have had them for so long......totally different when you are talking about a 43 year old other wise had always had great heath. we are christians and believe that anything is possible withGod. We are all praying for a healing . For anyone that bellieves in prayer, please add her to your list. her name is Brenda. For anyonne that would like prayer let me know and I will add you to my list. thanks for listening
amy

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