today is an strange day, I've been the whole day in bed trying to get recovered of a big
more than the first time that I was operated,I ask my self if worth it! I know that many of you who are stage lV would be happy to be operated but.....l was operated on December, hard surgery,complications,anxiety, a hell despite no chemo.On may I started to feel well not only physically but mentally ,June and July were fine and enjoyed those months (soccer world cup was then and Spain won it!LOL),but In august the blody cancer came back! was worth it the formidable fight? ( had a liver failure in the hospital, including encephalopathy ,what at funny trip encephalopathy was !,) was it worth?Just two months NED for a fight of one year!, Im jumping the gun but if everything goes fine should I have chemo this time? if yes is worth it? for how long ? six months of hell and then the possibility of another recurrence in a couple of months?. well ,sorry for vent it but need it and need your support and opinions,don't wary I'll go ahead with all this nightmare but need to vent it !
Have fun my friends!
Comments
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Pepe
I am sorry you are feeling so rotten! I too have not been feeling well and have been in bed most of the day. I know that it is difficult, but when we are feeling lousy is not the time to think about these things; our mind is more likely to go to worrying + dark places. Try to wait until you are feeling better. You will figure this out.
PS - Quit bragging about the world cup - LOL; I know it is a big deal.0 -
Yesssssss maybe tomorrow will be a better dayAnneCan said:Pepe
I am sorry you are feeling so rotten! I too have not been feeling well and have been in bed most of the day. I know that it is difficult, but when we are feeling lousy is not the time to think about these things; our mind is more likely to go to worrying + dark places. Try to wait until you are feeling better. You will figure this out.
PS - Quit bragging about the world cup - LOL; I know it is a big deal.
I'm not used to stay in bed the whole day!
Thnak you Anne ,and yes World cup is a huge deal for the rest of the world! LOL!0 -
If Canada ever won itpepebcn said:Yesssssss maybe tomorrow will be a better day
I'm not used to stay in bed the whole day!
Thnak you Anne ,and yes World cup is a huge deal for the rest of the world! LOL!
You can bet I'd be bragging all over the place - not likely to happen for a long time, so we enjoy our hockey wins.0 -
Pepe
you are such an inspiration to everyone and you have every right to feel like you do. It just is terrible we all have to have to go thru the feelings/misery and put our loved ones thru it. I wish we could all just take a happy pill and override our thoughts. But I guess this is life and we are living it. And somedays it sure sucks........(I don't know how that translates to Spanish). I am only stage 3b and have lot of your feelings. But you go fight and our prayers/thoughts are with you. Get thru your surgery and then make your plans. Will be watching for your post op posts.........Pat0 -
I can relate
This round of chemo knocked me on my butt again. I've mostly been in bed for a whole week. Before cancer I slept 4-6 hours per night and was always busy. It is so hard to be kept down for so long. Now very sick for a week, and exhausted. I slept 12 hours plus a nap every day since last Friday. Last night I woke up after just 11 hours - so I think I'm getting better.
After surgery the beginning of September, and then chemo till mid-April, I started getting my strength back the end of May. Then in August my CEA was back up. I was staged IIIc and considered NED in May. My oncologist felt confident enough that he told me to go ahead and get my port out. Got it out in June (and got to spend a few days in the hospital because the site got infected). Thyroid troubles started around July - so I spent the summer tired and out of sorts. But at least I had a summer with NO chemo!!!! But still I think, wow - to go through all that hell and only get a break of a couple months. Is it worth it to keep doing that over and over till the chemo kills me? Chemo and I do not get along. It is very hard on me, and I get too many stupid problems popping up when I am on it.
So I am thinking like you. I'm waiting on my second opinion from Duke (will be presented next Tuesday because most of the oncologists were at a convention last Tuesday). If I can have surgery or radation or something to address the lymph node issues, what will I do after? More chemo? Or live life fully until something shows up again?
But even when things are the worst, I think about my family. I think about the year I've had since my dx, attending the concerts and shows my boys were in, celebrating holidays with family, attending a class reunion and a family reunion. My third child graduated from high school last springand started college this fall. My youngest turned 16 and now can drive. My second child will graduate from college in the spring. Is it worth it to go through the hell of chemo if it keeps me around to be there for her graduation. You bet!
But I'd like to find a better way to stick around, then being on chemo all the time. Chemo sucks...
When you get down because it is a hard day, think about your wife and extended family. Is it worth it to go through the bad days to have more good days with them? They give you something to fight for.0 -
FightKathryn_in_MN said:I can relate
This round of chemo knocked me on my butt again. I've mostly been in bed for a whole week. Before cancer I slept 4-6 hours per night and was always busy. It is so hard to be kept down for so long. Now very sick for a week, and exhausted. I slept 12 hours plus a nap every day since last Friday. Last night I woke up after just 11 hours - so I think I'm getting better.
After surgery the beginning of September, and then chemo till mid-April, I started getting my strength back the end of May. Then in August my CEA was back up. I was staged IIIc and considered NED in May. My oncologist felt confident enough that he told me to go ahead and get my port out. Got it out in June (and got to spend a few days in the hospital because the site got infected). Thyroid troubles started around July - so I spent the summer tired and out of sorts. But at least I had a summer with NO chemo!!!! But still I think, wow - to go through all that hell and only get a break of a couple months. Is it worth it to keep doing that over and over till the chemo kills me? Chemo and I do not get along. It is very hard on me, and I get too many stupid problems popping up when I am on it.
So I am thinking like you. I'm waiting on my second opinion from Duke (will be presented next Tuesday because most of the oncologists were at a convention last Tuesday). If I can have surgery or radation or something to address the lymph node issues, what will I do after? More chemo? Or live life fully until something shows up again?
But even when things are the worst, I think about my family. I think about the year I've had since my dx, attending the concerts and shows my boys were in, celebrating holidays with family, attending a class reunion and a family reunion. My third child graduated from high school last springand started college this fall. My youngest turned 16 and now can drive. My second child will graduate from college in the spring. Is it worth it to go through the hell of chemo if it keeps me around to be there for her graduation. You bet!
But I'd like to find a better way to stick around, then being on chemo all the time. Chemo sucks...
When you get down because it is a hard day, think about your wife and extended family. Is it worth it to go through the bad days to have more good days with them? They give you something to fight for.
I know how hard it can be. I lost my beloved husbad to this beast in July, after only 9 mos after dx. Take as much time with your loved as possible, who knows this may be the surgery that does the trick and kicks this cancers a@@.
Think positive! You are strong and you will get through it and come out the other side stronger
((Kathy))0 -
Hang on!
Dear Pepe,
So sorry that the cold has you feeling so poorly physically and emotionally.
Only you can determine what amount and kind of treatment is worth it. I know that you are just measuring the time NED, but it seems that you have had many good months even after knowing of recurrance.
I guess my advice to you is to make sure you know all the options and pick what is best for you. No matter what you choose, don't ever look back and say ... what if ...
We can only do the best we can with what we know and feel at any moment in time. Second guessing does not change things.
Hugs and a box of tissues!
Marie who loves kitties0 -
Cold
Hoping that you get over your cold soon. Usually this drags one down for days if you get a really bad one and it sounds like you have one of those. Only time will help in letting it run it's course.
To do chemo or not has to be only your choice. Me opting for chemo after surgery was my choice, but never will there be a question as to could I've done more and my answer would be no, but that was my choice.
Surgery is scary and so is chemo. I'm glad that there was an option. Think it over very carefully and make sure that whatever you decide that you can live with the decision.
Kim0 -
Keep fighting!
Pepe,
Keep fighting...your life is worth it. Somedays are harder than others, but there will be good days ahead. Stay positive and you will win this battle. There is too much to live for and the many survivors out there are proof of that. It can be won!!!!
Hugs,
Sara0 -
so sorry you are feeling down
We all have our days, I sure hope you get to feeling better soon! I agree, if you weren't feeling so bad, it would be easier for you to think about the pros/cons of surgery. It really does come down to quality of life, is it worth the battle and it's a decision each one of us has to make for ourselves. I have been through some really hard battles, as have others, you included. But when we get to feeling better, the bad times seem to fade into the background. When I am enjoying a day with my grandchild, it's easy to forget the hell that was most of 2009 for me. I'm sure that's true for you as well. Vent away. Just remember to get back into your battle gear for the fight ahead!
mary0 -
Enjoy that little doll!msccolon said:so sorry you are feeling down
We all have our days, I sure hope you get to feeling better soon! I agree, if you weren't feeling so bad, it would be easier for you to think about the pros/cons of surgery. It really does come down to quality of life, is it worth the battle and it's a decision each one of us has to make for ourselves. I have been through some really hard battles, as have others, you included. But when we get to feeling better, the bad times seem to fade into the background. When I am enjoying a day with my grandchild, it's easy to forget the hell that was most of 2009 for me. I'm sure that's true for you as well. Vent away. Just remember to get back into your battle gear for the fight ahead!
mary
Mary,
I hope you get to spend time with her often; she is medicine!0 -
To one of my dearest Baldy's
First off I didn't get your pictures, send as an attachment to herdizziness@aol.com, for the front of the calendar.
Second off, get over your bloody cold, set your shoulders straight and march on to the surgery with your chin up and your SPIRITS up as well. Don't disappoint me my friend.
You will do well, you have the best do you not working on you????
We all hate pain and the agony of knowing what we are going through, I will in two or three weeks be getting my first liver resection, we shall forge ahead together my friend.
HOWEVER, all that being said, I'm the biggest wimp in the world, and scared almost to death of the surgeries (I'm sure being the pessimist that I am, I'll just expire during surgery, AFTER I'll be cancer free), BUT I'm going for it, I'm doing it. I have to go to my mother, so I don't have a lot of time to be diplomatic, so just do what you have to do, and man up.
I'll hold your hand while you hold mine little buddy!!!
Winter Marie0 -
Pepe
I'm sure that fighting the cold is making everything seem even more scary. It's scary enough without feeling bad with the cold too. Take some time and get lots of rest to get over that cold. I get really down when I'm not feeling well physically. Do your best to get over that cold so that you can address your upcoming rad and surgery with a strong mind. HUGS to you Pepe.0 -
Thanks Marie ,herdizziness said:To one of my dearest Baldy's
First off I didn't get your pictures, send as an attachment to herdizziness@aol.com, for the front of the calendar.
Second off, get over your bloody cold, set your shoulders straight and march on to the surgery with your chin up and your SPIRITS up as well. Don't disappoint me my friend.
You will do well, you have the best do you not working on you????
We all hate pain and the agony of knowing what we are going through, I will in two or three weeks be getting my first liver resection, we shall forge ahead together my friend.
HOWEVER, all that being said, I'm the biggest wimp in the world, and scared almost to death of the surgeries (I'm sure being the pessimist that I am, I'll just expire during surgery, AFTER I'll be cancer free), BUT I'm going for it, I'm doing it. I have to go to my mother, so I don't have a lot of time to be diplomatic, so just do what you have to do, and man up.
I'll hold your hand while you hold mine little buddy!!!
Winter Marie
You didn't get the pictures?
I sent it last Wdensday !
I'm so sorry I got them at the office PC! I recheck on Monday!
Thanks for your words!
Hugs.0 -
thank you all , it's Saturday sunshines and l feel much betterplh4gail said:Better
I hope for you that when you wake up in the morning, it is just that. A different day and that you feel the difference with improvement in your cold and know you are ready for Monday....your big day. Feel better....Gail
from my cold. So my thouhgs today are much more positive despite the big nightmare l got to face in the next few months! . Now l remember the few months NED before recurrence and of course is worht it , despite that I'm totally decided to don't have chemo after surgery, I will look for new alternatives, hope john23 will suggest something for me!
Hugs my dear cyberfamily!0 -
good luck to youpepebcn said:thank you all , it's Saturday sunshines and l feel much better
from my cold. So my thouhgs today are much more positive despite the big nightmare l got to face in the next few months! . Now l remember the few months NED before recurrence and of course is worht it , despite that I'm totally decided to don't have chemo after surgery, I will look for new alternatives, hope john23 will suggest something for me!
Hugs my dear cyberfamily!
Pepe - Glad you're feeling better today. Have the surgery, but go into in the best shape you can-both mentally and physically. I'm researching supplements and many others use complementary therapies, maybe some of them will work for you. Take care, Traci0 -
thanks traci first I have to radiate the lynph nodes ,despitetraci43 said:good luck to you
Pepe - Glad you're feeling better today. Have the surgery, but go into in the best shape you can-both mentally and physically. I'm researching supplements and many others use complementary therapies, maybe some of them will work for you. Take care, Traci
they have desapear with avastin! just as precaution , and then operated! Surgeon is even thinking to remove them same time as liver! lots of precautions with lynph nodes! so despite they tell you not radio or surgery for nodes it seems can be done! unfortunately don't know about rectum!
Best!0 -
only you can decidetraci43 said:good luck to you
Pepe - Glad you're feeling better today. Have the surgery, but go into in the best shape you can-both mentally and physically. I'm researching supplements and many others use complementary therapies, maybe some of them will work for you. Take care, Traci
Pepe,
Sorry you aren't feeling well. It makes decisions so much harder, I would not make any ubtil you are feeling better. Ultimately only you can decide to do chemo or not to. Yes chemo can be tough, but in the end I think we all want to fight this and win. So if chemo will help you win and you feel good about it, then do it. As far as only a couple of good months at a time after a years battle, it seems that's what we get. But just think of the good things and times you had while feeling good, was it worth it, I will bet it was.Just remember we are in a war with cancer,not just a single battle. This will take some time, but you will win.
Don0
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