Why do I feel like this?

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Pumakitty
Pumakitty Member Posts: 652
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
I normally post on the head and neck board. My dad finished treatment for oral cancer 4 months ago. He did really great through the treatment, however now it is a different story. He seems to not be able to do anything by his self and it makes me so sad. But, there are times that I get really angry and mad because I can not go and do anything for my self and I feel that he is not doing anything to help his self. After I have these feelings I get on the verge of tears for the rest of the day, because of the horrible feeling I had.

Why am I being so mean about this. I know that I should be taking care of my father and not complaining. I am a nervous wreck thinking the cancer is not gone or it is going to come back. I can not enjoy anything anymore.

Please give me some advice about how you handled being a caregiver to a parent.


Kathy

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  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #2
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    sad to watch
    Hi Kathy,
    My mom has been fighting ovarian cancer for almost two years, and I'm frustrated, too. I live 3 states away, and every time I leave I feel guilty. When I'm here I basically spoil mom rotten and serve, no fun for the most part. My blessings are endless, too -- great guy, a good life to return to one day -- but meanwhile it's hard. I have three brothers and they all help, but at this point we're all tired. Sigh.
  • Luv2lunch
    Luv2lunch Member Posts: 270
    #3
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    Hi Kathy,
    I know what you
    Hi Kathy,
    I know what you are going through. My Mom was diagnosed in March of this year with rectal cancer. After that she moved in with my husband and me. She went through chemo and radiation and then the surgery to "close up" her recal area and was given a permanent colostomy. She is currently on more chemo.

    My Mom is my best friend, but his has been really hard to deal with. I watched her go from someone who could run the malls like the young kids, to someone who needs me to open a water bottle for her. She is 79 years old and was never sick a day in her life.

    I get so mad sometimes. I want the "old" life back. The one where she lives in her own house and my husband and I have our life back. But like you, when I start thinking this way, I start to cry. She didn't want to have this disease. She can't help the way she is feeling, scared, confused, frustrated.

    I wouldn't want her to go through this alone. The moments of anger pass. I feel selfish for wanting my old life back, for wanting to be happy again, to enjoy things again.

    I guess my advice to you is to try and make time for yourself. I enjoy watering my yard and plants. I go out every night for an hour with my headphones on and water the heck out of my yard, lol. It feels good to be outside in the fresh air, listening to some good music.

    I don't know how old your Dad is. Maybe he is having trouble doing things on his own? I know my Mom is more forgetful and much weaker from the chemo. Maybe he just wants a little more attention? It's hard to say how someone feels going through this. Maybe he is just plain scared and feels better when you are around.

    I have actually yelled at my Mom a few times when I was so frustrated. Of course, I hate myself afterwards, but sometimes I lose all patience. I can't control it sometimes. (Not often).

    Maybe you can talk with your primary doctor about this? Some people do well with anti depressants. Or maybe some kind of counseling? I wish I had more suggestions or help for you.

    If you ever need to talk or vent, please feel free to write or pm me, anytime.

    I will keep you and your Dad in my prayers.

    Love,
    Linda
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #4
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    You Are Not Alone
    Hello Kathy welcome to you and your dad. I was also a caregiver for my dad. He passed away in March from esophageal cancer with mets to the liver. This is a normal reaction to any caregiver. You have alot on your shoulders. If you are the main caregiver, it can get to you for sure. Try to take as many breaks as you can. Ask for help. I also agree that if you feel the need, do go seek some counseling. I am sure the hospital has people to talk to for caregivers of cancer patients. You can also seek help for the American Cancer Society. Hang in there, you dad is depending on you. It is now your turn to take care of him for better or worse.
    Tina in Va
  • Pumakitty
    Pumakitty Member Posts: 652
    #5
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    Tina Blondek said:

    You Are Not Alone
    Hello Kathy welcome to you and your dad. I was also a caregiver for my dad. He passed away in March from esophageal cancer with mets to the liver. This is a normal reaction to any caregiver. You have alot on your shoulders. If you are the main caregiver, it can get to you for sure. Try to take as many breaks as you can. Ask for help. I also agree that if you feel the need, do go seek some counseling. I am sure the hospital has people to talk to for caregivers of cancer patients. You can also seek help for the American Cancer Society. Hang in there, you dad is depending on you. It is now your turn to take care of him for better or worse.
    Tina in Va

    Thank you
    Thank you for your responses. It makes me feel better to know I am not alone in my feelings. Today was a great day. My dad and I had a good time taking our cars back and forth to the shop for work :) Today was the first day he has been in the car alone since his treatment started and he did great. I think some of the issues my be that my mom and I baby him to much and are afraid to let him to do things on his own.
    I know I love both of my parents and would do anything for them. Thanks again.

    Kathy
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #6
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    Can you hire or get some
    Can you hire or get some help to help with Dad in order to give yourself a break and do something you want to do?

    This is the answer that i see most to your situation.

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