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One Year

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

Today marks one year since Doug died. Funny, or maybe unfunny, I don't feel any different. It doesn't mark the end of my mourning period. It doesn't change my grief. We set these artificial timelines sometimes. I did take my rings off yesterday. I don't know why. I just did. I am wearing them on a chain around my neck. I may or may not put them back on. I haven't decided yet. I am taking a friend to a doctor's appointment today. It is about an hour and a half away and will take up much of the day. Both sons called to see if I wanted them to come. I appreciated that, but i don't know what we would do. Besides, I had already promised my friend I would take her. It is a beautiful day here. I'm sorry. I seem to be putting down random thoughts. I just felt a need to come here this morning. I am doing ok. It does get a little easier as time passes. I guess I just wanted to say don't hurry this time. Don't give yourself artificial deadlines. Time helps in our grieving, but it isn't going to magically disappear because we pass those firsts or that 6 months, 12 months or whatever. I asked for prayers in church Sunday. My prayers were for laughter, for us all to find our passion, and that we all get the tests needed for early detection. I am blessed with a congregation that went with us on our cancer journey. Many there also feel Doug's loss. Sometimes we cry together. We did that a little Sunday. Mostly, we remembered his laughter. Ok, I'm done for now. Thanks for listening. Fay

Hatshepsut's picture
Hatshepsut
Posts: 340
Joined: Nov 2006

Fay:

I'm sorry you are having to face the sadness of your loss of your husband yet again. There seem to be an unlimited number of reminders of loss--death dates, anniversaries, holidays, birthdays and on and on. Each one renews the anguish and reemphasizes the degree of loss we face.

It does sound like you have an important personal support group with your family, friends and church. That you can sit around and remember your husband's laughter must be uplifting for you. That is wonderful.

Like you, I don't see my grief diminishing with the recognition of anniversaries and other significant dates. (It has been five months since I lost my husband.) Staying busy seems to help me get through my days but it is difficult to find things to do. It seems like I have a flurry of activity and then flat, dull, overwhelmingly-sad intervals.

I admire you for helping your friend on what must be a difficult day for you.

Hatshepsut

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

I too do that and it helps to get things off my chest. We are listening, as we all are going through very similar situations. It feels good to have a place to get our feelings out, no matter how weird, insignificant, little or big they seem. They are big to us and we will always be there to listen. Thank goodness for this site...I probably would have gone mad by now had it not been for these boards. God bless you, Gayle

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