Oct 17, 2010 - 5:44 pm
Tomorrow is our forty-second anniversary and Thursday was the five-month anniversary of my husband's death. Sad sad week.
I'm having trouble getting through today. I can't imagine how depressing tomorrow will be. A comedian I enjoy, once made a joke about feeling so low he could "limbo under a rug." That is how I'm feeling.
I continue to attend once-a-week grief/bereavement group counseling sessions but I'm not feeling a whole lot better. The sessions do give me an opportunity to interact with others who face similar grief and I think that is good for me. I am more weepy than most of the people in the group. That makes me feel self-conscious because, throughout my life, I've always kept my personal sorrows very private. Crying is simply something that I don't do in public---until now. (Interestingly one lady lingered after the bereavement session last week and suggested that perhaps it was too early in my grief, given my emotionalism, to try to be a part of the group. She is a well-meaning person but I couldn't help but think that I was being told that my tears were making the other group members uncomfortable. Do people cry in the group or individual sessions you attend? )
Since I'm on the topic of uncomfortable moments in the bereavement group session, there was a lady in the group (it was her first session) who spoke about how much her religion helped her cope with her husband's death. I was glad for her that she found comfort from her beliefs. We live in a pluralistic society and I respect the right of people to follow whatever religious path they choose or no religious path at all. After she had spoken for some time about her religious beliefs, however, she said that she couldn't imagine how anyone could deal with the grief of losing a loved one without religion. She then looked at the group and said that she assumed we were all religious and asked point blank if anyone in the group did not believe in God. I was pretty stunned by her question. I am not a religious person. I started to answer her question and then decided to stay silent for the time being because I thought her question was out of order.I have enough on my plate. The social worker who was facilitating the meeting seemed uncomfortable but did not address the propriety of the woman's question directly. (This grief/bereavement group is being held at a cancer center associated with a local hospital.)
A number of you have posted that you have sought individual counseling. I would be interested in knowing whether you sought individual counseling while also attending group sessions. Also, was your individual counselor a social worker, a psychologist or a psychiatrist?
I have appreciated the kind words of people who post on this board. Thank you for being here for me. It comforts me to "talk" with people who understand how profoundly this grief affects my/our world.