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Life is black and white

rubyslippers
Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi ,
Since loosing my mum on 30 July this year, She was 61 yound, barring the pain and tears which is unbearable, but I life has a whole new meaning, infact their is no meaning anymore to life. Im not suicidal and would never do anything like that, but its like someone has taken my rose tinted glasses off and when I look at the world it is a horrible place. I cant see beyond my own pain, I put a brave face on for my three children but when they have gone to school and college I just sit and think why, its not fair, whats the point. I cant stop pushing everyone away, I am on anti depressants and sleeping tabs. I dont even know why Im writing this, please tell me this is normal feelsing xxxxx

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

Yes, I think what you are feeling is very normal. Lost my husband (56 yrs old) in June. It is sad how quickly my life has changed. You kind of go through the motions of living but there doesn't seem to be any real joy in life any more. If you read the various entries on this discussion board you will find many people voicing the same feelings. Grief is a process and what your feeling is not going to go away over night. Have you thought about some form of counseling...one-on-one, or a support group. You may find it helpful. Hang in there, I am told things will get better.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1275
Joined: Aug 2010

Ruby, what would you tell a friend who was feeling this way? Or, better still, perhaps, what would your mom tell her friend who came to her saying life seems to have no meaning?

I think what you are feeling is normal given the loss you have suffered. It is never easy to lose people we love and losing our mothers, the heart of our hearts, has got to be very difficult. I have my mother but lost my father many years ago. I remember feeling things would never be the same. They weren't but life does go on, just as my father would have insisted, and we have love and family gatherings and new grandchildren and weddings and hope and faith. Just as he would have wanted, even though I did not believe so right after he passed away.

What would you tell a friend about moving on after losing her mother? You got through those impossible first minutes, hours and days - now you are charged, by your mother, no doubt, to move forward in your life. Your children need you, Ruby.

And you are home, Rubyslippers. You don't have to wish you were there. Just look around at all the people who care about you, right here on this site.

Gentle hugs.

hope0310's picture
hope0310
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

Can't tell you it's normal, but I can tell you that I am in the same place you are.

It has only been 3 weeks (tomorrow) since I lost my mom.....

Be good to yourself....I know that I am trying to!

Elysia

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1611
Joined: Aug 2009

Yes, it is normal. Grief takes time. I don't think it ever truly goes away, but we do learn to put it in a special place in our hearts and move on. First we need to allow ourselves to grieve and accept that it takes time. How long? There is no time table. Each of us must take our own time and grieve in our own way. Take time, though, to look at your children. They are such a precious gift. You were a precious gift to your mom. She taught you how to love and how to live your life. That is what she would want you to do. Keep her alive for your children. Love them as she loved you. Litle by litle, one step at a time, you will begin to see the beauty of things again. Allow yourself to be both sad and happy. It is ok to enjoy things again when you are ready. Fay

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