I'm Scared

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MerleBee
MerleBee Member Posts: 49
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I wasn't going to post this but I am feeling really scared. I had a bi-lat w/expanders on 3/24/10 and finished chemo in mid-August. I am going in next Wednesday 10/6 for the exchange surgery and a hysterectomy. For some crazy reason I am more scared now then before the mestectomy. I am a little nervous about the exchange because the PS went through my chest wall while putting in the expanders in March and collapsed my lung. But I'm really scared about the hysterectomy...scared they will find cancer like they did with my sister....scared about the changes that this will cause in my body...I lost my breasts, I lost my hair (yeah I know it will come back...) and now I this...I don't mean to sound whiny. I'll do what I have to do, but I am just so afraid!

Merle

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  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #2
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    HI Merle
    Being scared is absolutely normal. With every thing you have been through. It is always more frightening in our minds then it really is. You will be fine. They wont find any cancer. We will all be right there with you all the way through. {{{HUGS}}} Kay,
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #3
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    Hi Merle,
    It's natural to have the feelings that you have. Sending positive thoughts & prayers your way. Remember, we are all here for you to whine, cry, vent, or whatever you want. We will all be there with you during your surgeries!!!! Let us know how you make out. Hugs, Jean
  • mwallace1325
    mwallace1325 Member Posts: 806
    #4
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    Hi
    Being scared is so normal, but you're going to be fine. The surgeries will go without a hitch and you're realize after they're done that you are more than "your parts". You're still a woman and a stronger, more compassionate one at that.

    Hang in there, you'll be done really soon.

    marge
  • Giant Poodles
    Giant Poodles Member Posts: 79
    #5
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    mwallace1325 said:

    Hi
    Being scared is so normal, but you're going to be fine. The surgeries will go without a hitch and you're realize after they're done that you are more than "your parts". You're still a woman and a stronger, more compassionate one at that.

    Hang in there, you'll be done really soon.

    marge

    Hugs to you
    You will do fine. You are just ready for it to be over. It is normal for these thoughts. Put your trust in Christ and you will get through it. Next, you will be helping others through the same thing. I am sending you prayers and hugs. Keep us informed. I will have my exchange on Oct 13. Let me know. I have faith in you.
    Much Love,
    Rhonda
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #6
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    Merle
    I hear your fear...... Take a deep breath and remember we will all be with you in spirit. Try not to be afraid of the unknown. My sister had a hysterectomy and 11 months later was dx with bc. You can get through this. Trust in your dr and your decision to do the surgery. Wishing you the best with the exchange. I don't think I'm going to have any reconstruction. It is hard facing yet another surgery.....
    {{hugs}} Char
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #7
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    That's a natural reaction
    especially right before surgery. I'm praying for you. Everything will be alright.


    Peace & hugs,

    Sylvia
  • carriesoup
    carriesoup Member Posts: 144
    #8
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    i remember how scary it was
    i remember how scary it was the night before a surgery. i can't tell you not to be scared, i would be! things will go fine though! just think about all you've been through, and how scared you've been. you're here now! we all understand. keep your chin up and stay positive!! it'll be a thing of the past soon.

    thinking of you

    *hugs*
    carrie :)
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #9
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    carriesoup said:

    i remember how scary it was
    i remember how scary it was the night before a surgery. i can't tell you not to be scared, i would be! things will go fine though! just think about all you've been through, and how scared you've been. you're here now! we all understand. keep your chin up and stay positive!! it'll be a thing of the past soon.

    thinking of you

    *hugs*
    carrie :)

    MerleBee .. Both surgeries at the same time? Same day?
    Perhaps, I missed something .. I've had 8 major surgeries in 13 months, talk about being scared to death ... But, I made it .. I did not have a collapsed lung, but I did contact a staph infection while on vacation at the Grand Canyon .. scared out of my mind, hospitalized for 5 days due to staph .. no reason or indication on how I contacted infection.. Lost my right expander, due to the infection - devasted to say the very least. My point, is that that I made it thru -- I did have many tears, cry fests, and general crappppy days -!

    Things get better with time, relaxing and keeping yourself busy helps with surgery anxiety's. Prayer is a great source of comfort, for me.

    Hoping you stay positive, and don't end up with both surgeries on the very same day.

    Strength and Courage:

    Vicki Sam
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #10
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    VickiSam said:

    MerleBee .. Both surgeries at the same time? Same day?
    Perhaps, I missed something .. I've had 8 major surgeries in 13 months, talk about being scared to death ... But, I made it .. I did not have a collapsed lung, but I did contact a staph infection while on vacation at the Grand Canyon .. scared out of my mind, hospitalized for 5 days due to staph .. no reason or indication on how I contacted infection.. Lost my right expander, due to the infection - devasted to say the very least. My point, is that that I made it thru -- I did have many tears, cry fests, and general crappppy days -!

    Things get better with time, relaxing and keeping yourself busy helps with surgery anxiety's. Prayer is a great source of comfort, for me.

    Hoping you stay positive, and don't end up with both surgeries on the very same day.

    Strength and Courage:

    Vicki Sam

    nobody associates surgery
    nobody associates surgery with anything happy, unless you are having elective plastic surgery I suppose. It usually means you have something wrong, then couple it with cancer! I think almost the first time, you go through it like a deer in the headlights, now you have had time for it to settle. plus it brings on feelings of loss. Try to think of the hysterectomy as something positive and empowering you are doing to fight the cancer. Anytime you have a procedure and they test things it will make you anxious, and the odds are everything is ok, but you wont feel ok until you know for sure. so try to do good things for yourself, and treat yourself kindly as it will be an anxious time, but you will get through! You will ! (tell me this when I have mine, as I think the ovaries are going to have to go sheesh, this isnt for wimps!!!)
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    #11
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    Merle you dont have the same
    Merle you dont have the same doctor doing this surgery do you? That just sounds like something horrible...i had no idea something like that could happen!
    Well i believe cancer is not for wimps and your no wimp Merle...we all fear they will find more cancer or have a recurrance so we know how it feels. Just think thou after the 6th you will have nice soft perky new boobs!!!
    Keep us posted on how your doing!
  • cejota
    cejota Member Posts: 24
    #12
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    hysterectomy and exchange
    Hey Merle,
    I can relate to much of what you have gone through and are going through. I had things done in a different order. Years ago I had an ovary removed and then a couple years later, I had a total hysterectomy due to fibroids. I went home two days after my hysty, and was back in the hospital for a week with an infection..(maybe a perferated bowel). That was unfortunate. Three years later, double mastectomy. (Easier than the infection!) Expander insertion worse than the mastectomy (more painful!) I had no breasts, no hair, instant menopause, etc. Your fear is real.....I only hope that the reality isn't scarey and that your results are great. Is your hysterectomy a preventative procedure?
    Best,
    Chris
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #13
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    cejota said:

    hysterectomy and exchange
    Hey Merle,
    I can relate to much of what you have gone through and are going through. I had things done in a different order. Years ago I had an ovary removed and then a couple years later, I had a total hysterectomy due to fibroids. I went home two days after my hysty, and was back in the hospital for a week with an infection..(maybe a perferated bowel). That was unfortunate. Three years later, double mastectomy. (Easier than the infection!) Expander insertion worse than the mastectomy (more painful!) I had no breasts, no hair, instant menopause, etc. Your fear is real.....I only hope that the reality isn't scarey and that your results are great. Is your hysterectomy a preventative procedure?
    Best,
    Chris

    Merle just to clarify dont
    Merle just to clarify dont think you are a wimp quite the opposite!:)
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #14
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    carkris said:

    Merle just to clarify dont
    Merle just to clarify dont think you are a wimp quite the opposite!:)

    I hope
    you are NOT going to have the same surgeon. Do you really need both major surgeries at the same day? Base on your experience being scarred is normal, You had a very tough time with your Plastic surgeon I did not even know that such a side effect could be possible.
    Please take a deep breath and relax. Think and stay positive. You can cancel or reschedule your surgeries at any time especially if it is preventive/prophylactic.
    Good luck and hugs to you.
    New Flower
  • Chickadee1955
    Chickadee1955 Member Posts: 355 Member
    #15
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    New Flower said:

    I hope
    you are NOT going to have the same surgeon. Do you really need both major surgeries at the same day? Base on your experience being scarred is normal, You had a very tough time with your Plastic surgeon I did not even know that such a side effect could be possible.
    Please take a deep breath and relax. Think and stay positive. You can cancel or reschedule your surgeries at any time especially if it is preventive/prophylactic.
    Good luck and hugs to you.
    New Flower

    I had a hysterectomy several
    I had a hysterectomy several years ago including removal of ovaries. I had double mastectomy 5 months ago. Lost my hair and am losing (a month after last chemo) a couple of fingernails.

    I warned my family that the more of my 'Lady Parts' that I lost the bigger my earrings were going to get. I've gathered quite a collection, some down to my collarbone!

    Hang in there MerleBee, it will be okay. Scary---yes, but it will be okay. Our thoughts & prayers are with you.

    PS--check out Kohl's sales on earrings while you're recuperating!!
  • MerleBee
    MerleBee Member Posts: 49
    #16
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    Thank You All
    Thank you all so much for your kind supportive thoughts, word and pryaers! I have a deep faith and and active prayer life, but I am human (ohhh sooo human), and find myself giving in to my fear! It is so good to be able to come to this place and just know, absolutely, that you will be received with understanding and compassion!

    To answer a few of you, yes I am having TWO surgeries on the same day by TWO different doctors. I actually wanted this because I just want to be done with this!

    I will absolutely be looking for you all in the operating room! Keep an eye on all those docs and nurses for me! I'll check in when I am on the other side of this and I will let you know if two sureries was a good idea or not....:)
    Merle
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #17
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    MerleBee said:

    Thank You All
    Thank you all so much for your kind supportive thoughts, word and pryaers! I have a deep faith and and active prayer life, but I am human (ohhh sooo human), and find myself giving in to my fear! It is so good to be able to come to this place and just know, absolutely, that you will be received with understanding and compassion!

    To answer a few of you, yes I am having TWO surgeries on the same day by TWO different doctors. I actually wanted this because I just want to be done with this!

    I will absolutely be looking for you all in the operating room! Keep an eye on all those docs and nurses for me! I'll check in when I am on the other side of this and I will let you know if two sureries was a good idea or not....:)
    Merle

    Merle, good luck on your
    Merle, good luck on your surgeries and rest assured we'll be right there with you. Let us know how you are doing, when you can. Of course, check out the sales at Kohl's first!!
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    #18
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    MyTurnNow said:

    Merle, good luck on your
    Merle, good luck on your surgeries and rest assured we'll be right there with you. Let us know how you are doing, when you can. Of course, check out the sales at Kohl's first!!

    You definitly are not whiny.
    We all experience fear. It is normal. What matters is facing fear and coming out on top, which you will. Read the Psalms that is what I do when I need to have peace. Also when you go to the hospital to have surgery, relax, close your eyes, and ask God, "Father where are you." Inside your heart you will hear, "I'm here." Take care, wishing you the best.
    Jennifer
  • MerleBee
    MerleBee Member Posts: 49
    #19
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    ms.sunshine said:

    You definitly are not whiny.
    We all experience fear. It is normal. What matters is facing fear and coming out on top, which you will. Read the Psalms that is what I do when I need to have peace. Also when you go to the hospital to have surgery, relax, close your eyes, and ask God, "Father where are you." Inside your heart you will hear, "I'm here." Take care, wishing you the best.
    Jennifer

    I lift my eyes...
    to the hills. Whom shall I fear? My help comes form the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth. Psalm 121 Amen Sister!
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #20
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    MerleBee said:

    I lift my eyes...
    to the hills. Whom shall I fear? My help comes form the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth. Psalm 121 Amen Sister!

    I had an implant removed and
    I had an implant removed and rectal surgery on the same day, what the heck a two fer anesthesia. It went ok. I always think when I am afraid, that if Jesus could be afraid in the garden of Gethsemane, then its ok for me.
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #21
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    MerleBee said:

    Thank You All
    Thank you all so much for your kind supportive thoughts, word and pryaers! I have a deep faith and and active prayer life, but I am human (ohhh sooo human), and find myself giving in to my fear! It is so good to be able to come to this place and just know, absolutely, that you will be received with understanding and compassion!

    To answer a few of you, yes I am having TWO surgeries on the same day by TWO different doctors. I actually wanted this because I just want to be done with this!

    I will absolutely be looking for you all in the operating room! Keep an eye on all those docs and nurses for me! I'll check in when I am on the other side of this and I will let you know if two sureries was a good idea or not....:)
    Merle

    Tough cookie that you are...
    I was the same way as you, I did everything in the fastest way possible.
    But your fear is understandable, that's a lot to take in for you all at once.
    But boy are you kicking some cancer **** or what? I mean you are doing
    an amazing job and taking all the precaution that you possibly can.

    I think you should take try and put the fear aside and really give yourself
    a big pat on the back for your courage and endurance, as well as determination
    to use every weapon in your arsenal.

    Hugs,
    Ayse

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