Sep 30, 2010 - 5:54 am
I don't know about any of you but I am finding it so much difficult dealing with cancer since my treatment has stopped. I am 6 months post treatment and going for 2 monthly appointments. I think when you are diagnosed the "machine kicks in" and you are carried along on this journey of chemo, rest, visits to the cancer clinic, more chemo. Then the thought at the back of your mind that "Maybe I will be the lucky one and get cured"
But I wasn't cured, I had a "partial response" and my tumour marker was just touching the normal range. I still had a bit of the cancer cells left inside. So I wait for each check up as I am told "We know you will need more treatment in the future" My last appointment my tumour marker had risen slighty so they sent me for a CT scan.
Now I am in limbo. I think to myself "is it back?" " I am sure I can feel the fluid coming back in my stomach (asistes)" "I am sure that ache must be the cancer coming back" I have another 5 weeks before my next appointment and the wait and apprehension is sheer torchure (sp - mind is fussy!!!!!
Thus I ended up going to my GP (primary care doctor) in a state of utter desperation. I was crying all the time, I wake up every morning with a churning in my stomach, take an age to fall asleep, feel sick, DO NOT want to leave the house. I am seeing a counsellor but as good as that is - it is no quick fix. I have been given a high dose anti-depressant (Citalapram which is slow releasing for long term use) AND diazapam (quick acting calming meds) My husband was very cautious about me going on them but I devowered them as I was desperate for some relief from this nightmare cycle of HAS IT COME BACK?
Now I am pleased to say that I feel NORMAL. What a blissful state to be in - normal. I am calm and able to get on with my life. I am able to sleep and the knawing in my stomach has gone. ANTI-DEPRESSANT meds are wonderful.
Sorry this is a long post, but to anyone out there if you need some help getting through this do try them.