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Lots of tears today

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Just felt like I could use a little support from all of you today. It's 6 months ago today since I lost my husband of 46 years and the tears have been coming all day. I've been doing pretty good, but for some reason today is so hard. He was the love of my life and we had known each other since 1st grade. I am finally doing things but hate coming home to the empty house. We both loved life and were looking forward to his retirement in June. These are supposed to be the "Golden Years" and now I have to go on alone.
Does anyone else feel like this? This site is so helpful though cause we all know what it's like. Some of you have gone through so much dealing with cancer and some of us are Caregivers who now face life alone. Thanks for letting me tell you what I'm going through.
"Carole"

davexx's picture
davexx
Posts: 55
Joined: Sep 2010

3mana.I feel for you.I am caregiver to my wife of 52 years.She is in her last hours/days.I too look here for the after.I'm not much on advice but wanted you to know someone is listening.Hopefully things will get better. regards,dave

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Thanks for listening Dave. I've read your post about your wife & I'm so sorry. How long has she been sick? The one thing I can tell you is take care of yourself too. It is so stressful on us watching the one we love fade away. Try to remember all the happy times is what everyone tells me, but that makes me sad cause then I want more of those days with him.
Guess this is what they call "hell on earth" huh? Be strong!! "Carole"

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

Oh, those month dates. I don't know why they hit us so hard, but they do. I try to ignore it, but I can't. Every one of them has been hard. I try to plan things and keep busy, but I still feel down. It was 11 months for me on the 20th, but who is counting. Obviously, I am even though I try not to. Next month it will be one year. This too will pass I tell myself. Hang in there. You are as normal as the rest of us. Fay

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Fay,
Thanks for telling me I'm normal. Tonite was my grandsons birthday party. He turned 10 and it's the first one without "Papa". I had a few glasses of wine to make me try and forget that he wasn't there with me. I know both my sons & their wives & my daughter were remembering too. Guess those "firsts" are always the hardest. I wish I could just skip the holidays this year. Don't even want to put up a Christmas tree although I know the kids will not like it if I don't. What are you going to do??? "Carole"

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I am actually going to Europe over Christmas this year. Since I have never been there, i am looking forward to it. Last Thanksgiving and Christmas were hard. Having family nearby helps but you still feel what I call the empty chair syndrome. All the first are hard, some more than others. I didn't put up a tree last year. I asked the family if that was ok and they said sure. Since I will be gone this year, I'll probably skip it again. I know others here feel that putting up the tree is a part of their healing process. I say do what you are most comfortable with. Take care, Fay

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

My heart is breaking for you. I still have my husband of 36 years . But I know we start suffering long before they are gone. That is a hard sad thing to say. I try to hold it in and not think about it. But it slips into my mind that I will have to face this one day.
I am so sorry I am sure others will know how to say it better. But you are in our heart. Our thoughts are with you . I wish I could dry your tears.
Jennie

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Jennie,
Sorry if I made you sad. I know you are going through this with your husband. The one thing that I feel bad about is that Tom died suddenly & in a traumatic way and I never got to say goodbye. All the while he was sick I told him how much I loved him though. He always said "you're so good to me". Thanks alot for your thoughts! "Carole"

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

Carole,
I am sure Tom knew you loved him and he was happy . Once our son was in a accident , That day I forgot to kiss him bye, I was busy. I got a second chance now when he calls or before he leaves we say smoch e bouchie. It is something we made upp so if he left and I was in the bath we could just say it and know it was a kiss till we meet agin. Silly but we have done this for the last 13 years. Even if he kisses me by we end with that saying.
So I am sure Tom knew this and that you need to know he knew you loved him that is way he would say you are to good to me!
I have not crossed the bridge yet I am afraid that one day I will have to to. But I know that love is with my husband and it is with me.
I juts wished you peace. and Find a little saying to help you say goodbye I am sure he will hear it.
I am sad cause of all the apin in the world and I can not help . I can hold out my hand and wish for peace .

onlyhuman
Posts: 102
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Carole
Just want you to know you are not alone. Next Monday the 4th will be 10 months since I lost my husband and its also my 37th birthday. I am all teary this week just thinking about it. Can you imagine what a mess I will be on the day itself?
Tears are good sometimes also.
Sangeeta

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Sangeeta,
So sorry that you lost your husband too. You're so young too. Do you have kids? It's so hard to go on alone, but you have alot of us on this site who have gone through the same thing, so we all know how it feels. Hope you have a nice birthday. Try to have a nice day even though it'll be hard. Take care. 'Carole"

onlyhuman
Posts: 102
Joined: Sep 2009

Thanks Carole. I have two girls. The older one is 10 and the younger one will turn 4 on Monday. Yes we share a birthday so its quite special. We are having a party on Sunday for my younger one so that should keep my mind busy. My husband sent me flowers at work every birthday. I will miss that. Sangeeta

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Just had an idea. YOu could plant some mums in your yard, so they'd be blooming on your birthday. Then you could pretend your husband sent them to you.
I feel so sorry for your 2 girls. This must be so hard on them. At least they'll keep you busy and will be there for you. My kids are all grown but I don't know what I'd do without them. Hopefully you can enjoy your birthday! "Carole"

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

We pratice planting trees in our yard for our love ones that have gone . We hav the yard to do it. I plant moss rose for my granny her favorite,. Mums are beautiful to in the fall. I planted a Rose of Sharon for my brother, my sister a blue spruce. My dad a dog wood, my mom roses. .
Oct is a hard month for me my dad died Oct 7 my mother died Oct 19 my brother I neever got to know born Oct 27 died Dec 27 , my parents maried Oct 29. So many sad thoughts . So maybe some people have the bad months. This is mine.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello To All
We just had to go through our "6th month" since dad passed away. It was a hard day for all of us. That constant ache in my chest came back to stay for the day. I love the idea of planting a mum in rememberance, so when it comes up in Sept/Oct she can think that her husband sent it. That is so touching. The next day after my dad passed, my mom's "remembrance" flowers just popped up! Hmmm...did dad send them? Interesting. We too have planted forshythia bushes in rememberance of my dad. We call the one in our yard "pop". Thanks for all sharing. You all mean a lot to me!
Love,
Tina in Va

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Tina,
This was really weird. We planted a redbud tree 3-4 years ago. It has never budded, but this year it did and I feel that it was a sign from my husband. They say you get signs when someone dies, and hopefully it'll be even prettier next year.
I think your dad did send those flowers for your mom!!! "Carole" (Wi)

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

On the day my father died, when the funeral home people were taking him, all the birds in the yard gathered in the trees and positively screamed, like something out of the Hitchcock movie. The next day was silent spring, not a one visited the feeder, like they were having their day of recognition for a man they loved.

My parents were married for 52 years, so living alone was a huge adjustment for Mom. After close to a year passed, she began going to Widowed Persons, which met at a local church. It really helped her a lot to get out with people who knew the same pain.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Tina,
This was really weird. We planted a redbud tree 3-4 years ago. It has never budded, but this year it did and I feel that it was a sign from my husband. They say you get signs when someone dies, and hopefully it'll be even prettier next year.
I think your dad did send those flowers for your mom!!! "Carole" (Wi)

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Carole
I believe so too! The redbud tree will be prettier each and every year from now on! I too believe it little signs every now and then. Here's to all of us who have lost a loved one....may we see many many beautiful blooming and budding plants and flowers in the years to come! We will cherish our forsythia bushes forever! May you all rest in peace and know that we think of you and love you more and more each passing day. Until we meet again.....
Tina in Va

onlyhuman
Posts: 102
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Carole

I got a card from my daughters today and they drew me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. We moved into our new place in June and are still establishing the garden so there was nothing for them to pick. They do not get an allowance yet so they had to come up with an alternative way to get me a gift. Our little ones are so precious sometimes.

Sangeeta

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I love the way little ones think. I know your girls are the real gift. Give them a hug for me. Fay

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