Well isn't he an idiot?

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dorion
dorion Member Posts: 183
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
So today I got home from school. And I have this project that nobody told me about until last minute (I was absent last tuesday) And they told me a few days ago. Now here I am with this stupid project I have to do. So today I'm almost done but i'm in a group with boys and they don't like to co-operate so i've been doing most of this by my self in about five days. I have tons of homework on top of this and I've been working so hard that i can't even describe it in words.Like I said changeing schools...Let alone schools in different countries, is like trying to get a gangster to buy a belt. Even then I'm in academic detention because apparently I'm failing. So now i'm working even harder. Anyway, I get home from school and everything is fine but for my pd. the project was due today but I have t get it in tomorrow because It's not finished so it's going to be a D. I've exsplained that to my father and then he starts yelling at me and then I simply said "Well, I asked my teacher and she told me that it's going to be a D if I ge tit in tomorrow the rest of the periods have their projects due on tuesday so it's only fair" Then he goes "Oh don't give me that crap it's your priorety and don't make god damn exusesif you can get things done on time" so then I tell him i would of if I they didn't tell me about the project the last minute and now he's lecturing me for about an half hour and then Ifinally tell him to just drop the subject I'll hand it in, get a D and it's better than an F. But will he just let it go? Of course not.So then he comes up with another smart choice of words "Christ why can't you get anything done right?" so then I say "Well if I'm such a screw up why the hell am I even living? You had me. Mom raised me and since according to you my mother was an idiot as well then I guess it's been passed on. Sorry daddy no body is as smart as you" And all he says is "Why are you living? I'm tired of hearing all this suicide crap." And he leaves. All I hear everyday is how much of a screw up my mom was. How drugs was more important to her than I was. How she had so much potential but she threw it all away. how much he loved her but she didn't listen to my dad. All this horrible crap about her. Sometimes he says nice things about her But it ends up with drugs or partying or her "fake sob stories". It's never "Your mother was great. She was so beautiful and fun and funny" And nothing else. It's always about how much of a screw up she was. So i supposse now I shall keepmy mouth shut for the rest of my eternal hell
Oh, and i'm suppossed to listen to Candice tell me about her joyus story of how she cutt her hands.

Comments

  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #2
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    Oh, Meghan....I am so sorry.
    Oh, Meghan....I am so sorry. It's not the end of the world if you get a D on your project. It's still early in the semester and you have plenty of time to bring your grade up. Being assigned a group project with kids who don't particularly care about their grades can be a huge disadvantage. Talk to your teacher about it if you have to work with this same group for the rest of the semester.

    I don't know your dad, of course, but I suspect that he did love your mom very much, and it sounds like it broke his heart when he lost her - not to death, but to whatever it was that caused the breakup of their marriage. And the normal, human response to that is anger - anger at the person who hurt you.

    My dad was an alcoholic. My mother divorced him after 17 years of wishing and hoping and praying that he would stay sober. I was 5 years old, and for the rest of her life, my mom never talked about my dad's good qualities, only about how he loved the bottle more than he loved us. And I always wondered....how can you love me, if you hate my dad so much? But she didn't hate him. She just hated that he made such bad choices. And she was angry because she felt, like your dad, that if he had only listened to her, everything would have been different.

    You told me Saturday that your dad had found a counselor for you. I beg you, Meghan, please tell your dad that you'd like to meet her, and please give her a chance. Or talk to your school counselor. Thinking or talking about suicide is very serious business. It means you are hurting inside and you need someone to help you deal with the things going on in your life right now.

    Life is precious, Meg. It was the most valuable thing your mom gave you, and the best way to honor her memory is to enjoy for her the things she treasured, the things she had to leave too soon.

    Carlene
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #3
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    yes he is an idiot
    Yes, your dad is being an idiot for letting his anger at your mother come between the two of you. My husband and I divorced, after 22 years, when my daughter was your age. I divorced him, and he never got over it. One of the reasons she stopped wanting to even talk with him is because he could not keep a lid on the bad things he had to say about me.

    Your father needs to stop doing it, because none of us are perfect, and at this point it's emotionally abusive to you. If you can't talk about it, can you write down your request to not dis your mom in your presence? It's a behavior he will need to learn. Also try to get your counselor on board on this one -- you need backup. Having lived through this, I know how crazy it feels.
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #4
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    Power
    I once had a good friend that pointed out that I was the one giving "supposedly friends" power over my feeling and when I asked if I really wanted to do that the answer was a great big "NO". You and I are responsible for our feelings and I choose to not let others rule mine. Give it a try. Worked for me. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. The trick is to correct what we can and move on. Love to you, Saundra
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #5
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    HUGS TO YOU, MEGHAN
    I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this emotion, hurt, and confusion. All these wonderful ladies gave such superb advice. I think everything they told you has merit, and comes from their hearts and experience. I hope, if nothing else, you can now feel that you are NOT alone.

    I can't speak for your Dad, although at first glance I'd say he's being immature, selfish, and very 'unfatherly'. He and your Mom obviously had issues, but they shouldn't be your issues. I truly wish he'd be thinking more about his daugther right now, and stop bashing her departed mother. Having said that, I agree with the other ladies that one thing you can do for yourself is to make good choices, one of which is to try to ignore the 'negatives' he may throw at you, and move forward. Definitely rely on your school counselors. That's what they are there for. Maybe they can get you into a peer support group at school. And if you're struggling with schoolwork, there are also people there who can assist with that. When my daugther had some schoolwork problems, we worked with the teachers to give her extra time to maybe complete an assignment, or if she needed to stay after to have one-on-one with the teacher about a certain difficult area, they worked it out with us. Either way, your counselor at school should be helping with this. It's not for you to figure out, but for them to assist you in the process.

    Is Candice your friend? I'm sorry but I don't recall. If so, you may want to be friends with her, but she's obviously going through her own turmoil right now. You need to have a positive influence from somewhere. How about a local church? Ever thought about going, if even by yourself, on a Sunday morning? Maybe choose a non-denominational, such as an Assembly of God, or other Christian church if you're concerned about 'judgement'. They have wonderful teen groups, and someone there could definitely lend you the support and hope that you need.

    Well, Meghan I will be praying for someone to enter your life that will give you hope and steer you in the right direction. I will pray that each and every day God will sustain you no matter what you hear, or see, or think, or feel. Our feelings don't make us what we are. Try to eat well, get your sleep. It really makes a difference on how we get through a day. If there's anything else we can do to help, please don't hesitate to write to us. I'll be waiting to hear from you again.

    Till then. . .
    Luv & Hugs
    Monika
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #6
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    mopar said:

    HUGS TO YOU, MEGHAN
    I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this emotion, hurt, and confusion. All these wonderful ladies gave such superb advice. I think everything they told you has merit, and comes from their hearts and experience. I hope, if nothing else, you can now feel that you are NOT alone.

    I can't speak for your Dad, although at first glance I'd say he's being immature, selfish, and very 'unfatherly'. He and your Mom obviously had issues, but they shouldn't be your issues. I truly wish he'd be thinking more about his daugther right now, and stop bashing her departed mother. Having said that, I agree with the other ladies that one thing you can do for yourself is to make good choices, one of which is to try to ignore the 'negatives' he may throw at you, and move forward. Definitely rely on your school counselors. That's what they are there for. Maybe they can get you into a peer support group at school. And if you're struggling with schoolwork, there are also people there who can assist with that. When my daugther had some schoolwork problems, we worked with the teachers to give her extra time to maybe complete an assignment, or if she needed to stay after to have one-on-one with the teacher about a certain difficult area, they worked it out with us. Either way, your counselor at school should be helping with this. It's not for you to figure out, but for them to assist you in the process.

    Is Candice your friend? I'm sorry but I don't recall. If so, you may want to be friends with her, but she's obviously going through her own turmoil right now. You need to have a positive influence from somewhere. How about a local church? Ever thought about going, if even by yourself, on a Sunday morning? Maybe choose a non-denominational, such as an Assembly of God, or other Christian church if you're concerned about 'judgement'. They have wonderful teen groups, and someone there could definitely lend you the support and hope that you need.

    Well, Meghan I will be praying for someone to enter your life that will give you hope and steer you in the right direction. I will pray that each and every day God will sustain you no matter what you hear, or see, or think, or feel. Our feelings don't make us what we are. Try to eat well, get your sleep. It really makes a difference on how we get through a day. If there's anything else we can do to help, please don't hesitate to write to us. I'll be waiting to hear from you again.

    Till then. . .
    Luv & Hugs
    Monika

    meghan
    I am fairly new to this board and your post just struck me. Just being a parent does not mean you can never be wrong . You are at a time in your life where everything seems to be a struggle I know I have four grandchildren ,three teenagers.
    Two of them are in counseling over family issues. they did not want to go but now they like it. Please try it. It can't hurt to talk to someone, you are doing extremely well for someone who has all that you have going on.
    Even though I did not know your mother , being a mom myself I know she wants you to be happy . Time is on your side .

    Sending you best wishes
    Colleen
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #7
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    Meghan,
    your dad is not thinking straight. He needs to be your dad, (love nurture and encourage you) not your peer who can tell you about his ex-wife and what did not work out about their relationship. It would be so cool if both of you could sort this out with the counselor. Is that possible? Sooner better than later.

    I do know this, that when I read his entry below his profile pic on FB, (written a year or so ago) I knew that he did love you and the reason he was opening up a FB account was to keep in touch with you. He is not perfect, and a little confused, but I know he loves you.

    kathleen❥
  • msfanciful
    msfanciful Member Posts: 559
    #8
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    You know? What I hate about
    You know? What I hate about this is that YOU JUST LOST YOUR MOTHER! ! ! ! HELLO!!!

    I realize we're all only human, but what isn't he getting about this picture? Even an idiot would know this is a sensitive time for you and you just don't say these types of hurtful words to a fragile child who just lost her mom!

    Auggggh.

    Meghan, you were not a mistake. Linda said that out of all the things happening in her life. You were the only consistent being in her life and she appreciated that fact, she appreciated YOU and I KNOW should most definitely would not appreciate you giving up. She said you were her blessing and helped her to keep her sanity; especially through her cancer journey.

    So you continue to be the strong lady she believed you to be.

    I would strongly recommend a counselor Meghan, because you are too overwhelmed with all of these "overnight" major changes in your life, your loss, then having to play catch-up too?

    I think once the counselor see's what all you have on your plate they would know that you're on overload and they usually work with the teachers so that the teachers will work with you a little better too. They usually will recommend a tutor through this too, so I hope you go that direction first.

    Always give the fight your all, don't just throw in the towel yet. I know you're better than that!

    Also, I think your father needs a counselor himself more than you do, because it seems he's creating alot of your anxiety with the screaming and yelling!

    Sharon
  • dorion
    dorion Member Posts: 183
    #9
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    msfanciful said:

    You know? What I hate about
    You know? What I hate about this is that YOU JUST LOST YOUR MOTHER! ! ! ! HELLO!!!

    I realize we're all only human, but what isn't he getting about this picture? Even an idiot would know this is a sensitive time for you and you just don't say these types of hurtful words to a fragile child who just lost her mom!

    Auggggh.

    Meghan, you were not a mistake. Linda said that out of all the things happening in her life. You were the only consistent being in her life and she appreciated that fact, she appreciated YOU and I KNOW should most definitely would not appreciate you giving up. She said you were her blessing and helped her to keep her sanity; especially through her cancer journey.

    So you continue to be the strong lady she believed you to be.

    I would strongly recommend a counselor Meghan, because you are too overwhelmed with all of these "overnight" major changes in your life, your loss, then having to play catch-up too?

    I think once the counselor see's what all you have on your plate they would know that you're on overload and they usually work with the teachers so that the teachers will work with you a little better too. They usually will recommend a tutor through this too, so I hope you go that direction first.

    Always give the fight your all, don't just throw in the towel yet. I know you're better than that!

    Also, I think your father needs a counselor himself more than you do, because it seems he's creating alot of your anxiety with the screaming and yelling!

    Sharon

    So I got the
    So I got the counselor.Although she seems sort of...um spaced out. I`ll give it a try a few more time but i might need a new one. Anyways I`m on my phone plus I am really sick so I`ll have to cutt this short. Toodles
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #10
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    dorion said:

    So I got the
    So I got the counselor.Although she seems sort of...um spaced out. I`ll give it a try a few more time but i might need a new one. Anyways I`m on my phone plus I am really sick so I`ll have to cutt this short. Toodles

    counselors
    are like friends, you need to have a good rapport with them. So, you are right, if you don't feel a connection, try another one.
    hugs
    kathleen❥

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