How Long before reality hits you?

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slydog11
slydog11 Member Posts: 40
edited March 2014 in Esophageal Cancer #1
Hi all,

Seven weeks ago I was dx with EG Stage 4 with mets to liver and rib cage. Have had two rounds of chemo and feeling better. I've noticed that as I've lost some of my hair, and the regimine of chemo 4X a month goes on reality seems to be hitting me more and more. Life will never be the same.

Is it unusual for someone to gradually face reality as time goes on? I feel relatively good, am eating better, and working full time. CT scan next week hopefully will reveal progress.

It just seems that as the novelty wears off the real tough work begins.

I'd appreciate your feedback as I'm sure everyone has had similar concerns.

Thank you.

Paul

Comments

  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #2
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    Hello Paul
    Yes what you are
    Hello Paul
    Yes what you are feeling is totally normal. At the first word of dx we as caregivers and you as a patient are in shock. This shock lasts for days, weeks, months. You go with the flow, get all the treatments, get all the tests, and then when it is all over, you get a chance to breathe and realize.....Oh my gosh...what in the world have I just been through? You have done well, rejoice in your good feeling and being able to eat well. Best of luck with your upcoming scan. Keep in touch. Let us know how you make out. All will go well, I am sure of it!
    Peace be with you my friend.
    Tina
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #3
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    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    #4
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    Totally Normal
    I agree with Tina and all she said. And that was my experience as well. I myself being a 9 year BC survivor (next week) didn't really realize what truly happened to me until after I got through all my treatment, about 8 months from time of diagnoses. Then the gravity of the situation just hit me like a ton of bricks. I think our brains can only handle so much, so initially you are in shock and just focused on getting through all the treatment. As with anything, time eventually helps you "deal" with the situation better.

    That also is the case with my father being diagnosed in March with Stage 4 EC with liver mets. It was a total shock and I couldn't function the first couple of months knowing what lies ahead for him and our family. It's been 6 months and my father is doing really well and all of us are handling it a little better. But seems whenever something bad pops up, we all kinda go back to the panic mode. Guess that's what they mean by the rollercoaster ride. :(

    Will be praying for you. You just have to keep fighting, stay positive and make most of each day you're given.

    Blessings,
    Sally
  • cmn412
    cmn412 Member Posts: 69
    #5
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    sal314 said:

    Totally Normal
    I agree with Tina and all she said. And that was my experience as well. I myself being a 9 year BC survivor (next week) didn't really realize what truly happened to me until after I got through all my treatment, about 8 months from time of diagnoses. Then the gravity of the situation just hit me like a ton of bricks. I think our brains can only handle so much, so initially you are in shock and just focused on getting through all the treatment. As with anything, time eventually helps you "deal" with the situation better.

    That also is the case with my father being diagnosed in March with Stage 4 EC with liver mets. It was a total shock and I couldn't function the first couple of months knowing what lies ahead for him and our family. It's been 6 months and my father is doing really well and all of us are handling it a little better. But seems whenever something bad pops up, we all kinda go back to the panic mode. Guess that's what they mean by the rollercoaster ride. :(

    Will be praying for you. You just have to keep fighting, stay positive and make most of each day you're given.

    Blessings,
    Sally

    Your OK

    HI, Paul

    Like Tina said sounds normal.

    Everyone is different in the way they handle things. We are all ( including you) only human and not a robot. You will have many different feelings I am sure like the rest of us have had . You will sort it out and put it into place on your own terms. I pray the lord helps you through this difficult time. You have done well. Keep up the good work and remember only the lord knows the number of our days, so just take one day at a time, enjoy everything you can and do what you got to do.

    We have you in our prayers and keep on keeping on and if you fall ... well so what… just get up and try again. I have faith in you and more important I have faith that the "the father" will help you in this walk.


    Callie.
  • LivingFaith
    LivingFaith Member Posts: 74
    #6
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    cmn412 said:

    Your OK

    HI, Paul

    Like Tina said sounds normal.

    Everyone is different in the way they handle things. We are all ( including you) only human and not a robot. You will have many different feelings I am sure like the rest of us have had . You will sort it out and put it into place on your own terms. I pray the lord helps you through this difficult time. You have done well. Keep up the good work and remember only the lord knows the number of our days, so just take one day at a time, enjoy everything you can and do what you got to do.

    We have you in our prayers and keep on keeping on and if you fall ... well so what… just get up and try again. I have faith in you and more important I have faith that the "the father" will help you in this walk.


    Callie.

    Waves
    For me, it is a lot like grief, it comes in waves. I think sometimes we can only digest so much information until we become numb. Little by little as the numbness fades we absorb the gravity of the journey. Don't think of riding the waves as a bad thing. It is God's way of holding you close, lifting the burden, of having to take it all in at once.

    Deb
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #7
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    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • K_ann1015
    K_ann1015 Member Posts: 500
    #8
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    Paul--you are a good man
    OK Paul--tried to send as private message , but didn't work---so here I go
    Paul,
    I have not been able to keep up with this site as much as before---but I know you---I see your posts to new people---"spoke" to you a while back about my dad---but I have been so impressed and really proud at how you respond to so many.... with compassion, simplicity & forthrightness.... I am devastated to hear you news---it is so surprising even though it "lurks" as every EC patient and families consciousness... I hope through this site we all will be able "fight" to get more services, research & recognition for this disease. I am so sorry that you got the news of stage 4--I still think that because of the more vocal families (& research) that are going trough this EC---things really are changing. Don't give up--enjoy work, your family the fall, the leaves, the winter, the spring, the summer & repeat!!! I think it is ok if "reality" doesn't set in ---because it seems that even the Docs don't know what "reality" is with this---if they did, I think my dad would not be here. They never said it was over for him-but seemed so tight lipped about anything far in the future---now they are amazed. But of course that makes me scared....
    PAUL---hang in there---stay true to YOUR faith, self & family---you will be fine. You are a wonderful man. I am not just saying this---I have been following posts on here...and know that you are caring for others. I will keep you in my prayers and try to check on this site more often to see how you are. (my parents never wanted to go on here--so i did it more for myself.)
    God Bless
    Kim
  • slydog11
    slydog11 Member Posts: 40
    #9
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    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Thank you everybody!
    I appreciate your feedback on facing reality. I've got my first CT-Scan coming up on Wednesday following two rounds of chemo. Like you mentioned William, I've got a terrific wife who advises me along the way. She keeps me grounded and dealing with "what is". Anxiously awaiting a progress report but am reminded that worrying about it beforehand is useless energy. I'm certain that with God's help and the support of my new friends on this network as well as my family I will negotiate this roller coaster ride.

    You guys are the best.

    Paul
  • slydog11
    slydog11 Member Posts: 40
    #10
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    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Thank you everybody!
    I appreciate your feedback on facing reality. I've got my first CT-Scan coming up on Wednesday following two rounds of chemo. Like you mentioned William, I've got a terrific wife who advises me along the way. She keeps me grounded and dealing with "what is". Anxiously awaiting a progress report but am reminded that worrying about it beforehand is useless energy. I'm certain that with God's help and the support of my new friends on this network as well as my family I will negotiate this roller coaster ride.

    You guys are the best.

    Paul
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #11
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    K_ann1015 said:

    Paul--you are a good man
    OK Paul--tried to send as private message , but didn't work---so here I go
    Paul,
    I have not been able to keep up with this site as much as before---but I know you---I see your posts to new people---"spoke" to you a while back about my dad---but I have been so impressed and really proud at how you respond to so many.... with compassion, simplicity & forthrightness.... I am devastated to hear you news---it is so surprising even though it "lurks" as every EC patient and families consciousness... I hope through this site we all will be able "fight" to get more services, research & recognition for this disease. I am so sorry that you got the news of stage 4--I still think that because of the more vocal families (& research) that are going trough this EC---things really are changing. Don't give up--enjoy work, your family the fall, the leaves, the winter, the spring, the summer & repeat!!! I think it is ok if "reality" doesn't set in ---because it seems that even the Docs don't know what "reality" is with this---if they did, I think my dad would not be here. They never said it was over for him-but seemed so tight lipped about anything far in the future---now they are amazed. But of course that makes me scared....
    PAUL---hang in there---stay true to YOUR faith, self & family---you will be fine. You are a wonderful man. I am not just saying this---I have been following posts on here...and know that you are caring for others. I will keep you in my prayers and try to check on this site more often to see how you are. (my parents never wanted to go on here--so i did it more for myself.)
    God Bless
    Kim

    Today is Wednesday
    Hello Paul Slydog
    Wanted to let you know I was thinking of you on this day. Hoping and knowing your scan went well!
    Let us know how it all went. Many prayers are headed your way!
    Tina
  • slydog11
    slydog11 Member Posts: 40
    #12
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    Tina Blondek said:

    Today is Wednesday
    Hello Paul Slydog
    Wanted to let you know I was thinking of you on this day. Hoping and knowing your scan went well!
    Let us know how it all went. Many prayers are headed your way!
    Tina

    Thank you Tina!
    How thoughtful for you to think of me yesterday! Yes, I had the CT Scan and probably won't know the results until Wednesday during my scheduled visit with the oncologist. I appreciate all the prayers from the wonderful network of friends on CSN, and know that I pray for you as well. Hoping that the results are good.

    Paul

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