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Laryngeal Cancer

don62
Posts: 25
Joined: Sep 2010

I got a question for you all, how do you handle all the people that want to give you a pity party? i am 18 radiation treatments in of 35 for cancer of the larnynx and so far am still working 60 plus hours a week not saying its easy but heck i just schedule it in so it doesent affect work. The thing that bothers me the most is people feeling sorry for me.
Plus not being able to talk, that kinda hurts my job but we work arond it.

Scambuster's picture
Scambuster
Posts: 975
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi Don,

Welcome to the board Don, and feel free to post away as the gang here have a huge bank of experience and advice to share to help you through. You are doing amazingly well so congratulations are due there.

On your friends and family doing the pity party, just know that they all mean well. If you detach yourself for a moment. and look down at the whole situation like a chess game from above, there's you 'the guy with Cancer' and there're 'them'. The 'them' is a group just trying to help and support the 'the guy' on the board in the only way they know how. As such 'the guy' have no need to be upset or have bad feelings toward 'them'.

Your next step maybe to openly tell them all what's going on with you and what you would like from them. Taking a bit of control maybe a good way forward. I quickly became very sick so it all went out of my hands and I was glad to have friend and family drop in.

People not in your shoes can never really understand and they all react in their own ways. Some run and hide, some are all over you and others meekly poke their nose in to see what's happening. It can be a difficult thing for most people to know exactly how to react. Be happy you have caring friends Don, that means a lot and maybe steer them to have happy parties or have them ease off until you have more time and are on the recovery curve, but don't cut them loose. You can elect a key person to coordinate and convey news and requests and organize what you need from them and move on in that way.

Keep up the fight Don and let us know more about you and how you are doing.

REgds
Scam

luv4lacrosse's picture
luv4lacrosse
Posts: 1392
Joined: Jul 2010

Scam took my thunder. I could not have said it any better. I can vividly remember when my next door neighbor came over and she told us she had cancer. What do you say when someone drops that kind of a bomb on you. I said exactly what my friends, family and co workers are saying about me now.

Rest assured they all mean well as I meant well with my neighbor. Fortunately at work, I am the boss and kind of spelled it out when I first told them. They have been awesome, just enough good thoughts being sent my way without burying me with it.

Hang in there buddy, and try to absorb the kindness thay are sending your way.

All the best!!

Mike

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5785
Joined: Apr 2009

I know the feeling, I worked all through both of my treatments the only days I missed were Chemo days. I used work as a way of keeping myself focused on something other then my cancer and it worked very well for me.

As far as people feeling sorry for you having cancer, not to much you can do about it. The problem I find is that most people don’t know what to say to someone who has Cancer, and so you get the pity party thing. I find people are just people.

PS: I would also like to welcome you here to our little family on CSN and hope you plane to stay.

All the best to you.

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1338
Joined: Aug 2010

I second Don's post. The believe those around you mean well but just do not know what to say. On top of that you are wanting all those around you to be the same and they are not. I would just let them be them as you can not change them. Say thank you for the support, know that they want the best for you.

I along with all the others welcome you to another family of supporters. CSN is wonderful and please remember all reply's are truly meant to help.

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1338
Joined: Aug 2010

I second Don's post. The believe those around you mean well but just do not know what to say. On top of that you are wanting all those around you to be the same and they are not. I would just let them be them as you can not change them. Say thank you for the support, know that they want the best for you.

I along with all the others welcome you to another family of supporters. CSN is wonderful and please remember all reply's are truly meant to help.

don62
Posts: 25
Joined: Sep 2010

Didnt mean to vent i am am just tired of people treting me like I may break

Scambuster's picture
Scambuster
Posts: 975
Joined: Nov 2009

Don, you can come on and vent as much as you want or need. That's what we are here for.

Scam

D Lewis's picture
D Lewis
Posts: 1533
Joined: Jan 2010

During the first part of my diagnosis and treatment, I got a LOT of what I referred to as "Cancer Eyes." This was from the folks who really didn't say a whole lot. They just gazed at me with an expression as though I was dying in front of them. A bit unnerving, but once I gave it a name, I was able to laugh a bit, and not take it so seriously.

Deb

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1338
Joined: Aug 2010

venting is one of the most important parts of the CSN.

It's also nice to have people just be straight forward. That was not my intent.

All you have said is so true, it is tiring. Just like the simple question later on when they start asking "how you doing". You will need to get used to that also.

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