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Need help
I am sorry to hear this, My husband had cancer and it returned, He is doing chemo again. We are learning to take one day at a time, not to over think things. We have been married 36 years. So I know how you are feeling the fear. But it will do no good only eat at you. It is not easy to try to tell someone else how to feel or what to think. Alot of people on here can tell you better than I can.
I only know that in our case we try to stay positive about things, we don't over talk what is going on. I come on here to vent, To see and ask questions , to find better ways to help him deal with all that is going on. There are alot of thoughts like 5% will live x amouth of time and so on, but that it only a number . So Best thing is to remeber ask questions , find things to help your self and husband. If you need to vent (and we all need that time to time) come on here and do it.
I wish I could better help you. Cause I sure know how hard it is. Just know we all that come on here are in the same boat.
Jennie0 -
Thank youzinniemay said:Need help
I am sorry to hear this, My husband had cancer and it returned, He is doing chemo again. We are learning to take one day at a time, not to over think things. We have been married 36 years. So I know how you are feeling the fear. But it will do no good only eat at you. It is not easy to try to tell someone else how to feel or what to think. Alot of people on here can tell you better than I can.
I only know that in our case we try to stay positive about things, we don't over talk what is going on. I come on here to vent, To see and ask questions , to find better ways to help him deal with all that is going on. There are alot of thoughts like 5% will live x amouth of time and so on, but that it only a number . So Best thing is to remeber ask questions , find things to help your self and husband. If you need to vent (and we all need that time to time) come on here and do it.
I wish I could better help you. Cause I sure know how hard it is. Just know we all that come on here are in the same boat.
Jennie
You understood perfectly how I feel. The fear can indeed be all consuming if you let it. My husband is handling this much better than I ever could. He's the positive one and I'm trying to emulate :-). We are in the process of asking many questions but more importantly trying to take things one step at a time. Thank you so much for your comments. They were just what I needed to hear at this time.0 -
Those recurrences
I can remember the first recurrences my husband had. It was devastating. All the worry and fears. We imagine the worst. We worry about the unknown. And yes, our greatest fear is losing our loved one. Living without them is unthinkable. I lost my husband of 42 years to colon cancer after a six year battle. I won't lie to you and tell you that it isn't hard. It is. Yet, Doug and I were blessed with six years after his original dx. There were several recurrences and lots ot treatments. He lived longer than expected. What I want you to remember right now is that new treatments are being found almost daily in the fight against cancer. More and more people are living longer or even surviving cancer. Each of us has to manage our worry and fears in our own way. Doug decided to just buy as much time as possible and enjoy that time. We learned to celebrate the good times and endure the ones when he wasn't feeling well. We made memories with family and friends even taking our older granddaughters on three trips with us. We laughed a lot. I guess what I am saying is that as much as we would like to have control over the future, we don't. What we can do is make the most of now. I know that is not easy when cancer has entered your life. Try to take each day one day at a time, sometimes one hour or even one minute at a time. We found that prayer helped us, but not everyone has the same faith that we do. You and your husband will need to find your own way, and you will. For right now, wait until you have as much information as much information as possible. One phrase I always tried to remember was: " You can't keep trouble from coming, but you needn't give it a chair to sit To me that means don't anticipate the bad, deal with it when it gets here. Take care, Fay0 -
I feel a little stronger each time I read a reply. Each one is a blessing and has excellent advice. Managing the fear, anxiety and sadness. It's an emotional roller coaster. I found just by venting last night on this site helped a great deal. I can't keep crying all over the place. I'm going to start taking time to just relax, even if it's just for a few moments so I can take some deep breaths and keep moving forward. Thank you for sharing with me and helping me put things in perspective.grandmafay said:Those recurrences
I can remember the first recurrences my husband had. It was devastating. All the worry and fears. We imagine the worst. We worry about the unknown. And yes, our greatest fear is losing our loved one. Living without them is unthinkable. I lost my husband of 42 years to colon cancer after a six year battle. I won't lie to you and tell you that it isn't hard. It is. Yet, Doug and I were blessed with six years after his original dx. There were several recurrences and lots ot treatments. He lived longer than expected. What I want you to remember right now is that new treatments are being found almost daily in the fight against cancer. More and more people are living longer or even surviving cancer. Each of us has to manage our worry and fears in our own way. Doug decided to just buy as much time as possible and enjoy that time. We learned to celebrate the good times and endure the ones when he wasn't feeling well. We made memories with family and friends even taking our older granddaughters on three trips with us. We laughed a lot. I guess what I am saying is that as much as we would like to have control over the future, we don't. What we can do is make the most of now. I know that is not easy when cancer has entered your life. Try to take each day one day at a time, sometimes one hour or even one minute at a time. We found that prayer helped us, but not everyone has the same faith that we do. You and your husband will need to find your own way, and you will. For right now, wait until you have as much information as much information as possible. One phrase I always tried to remember was: " You can't keep trouble from coming, but you needn't give it a chair to sit To me that means don't anticipate the bad, deal with it when it gets here. Take care, Fay0 -
another replyLittle_C said:I feel a little stronger each time I read a reply. Each one is a blessing and has excellent advice. Managing the fear, anxiety and sadness. It's an emotional roller coaster. I found just by venting last night on this site helped a great deal. I can't keep crying all over the place. I'm going to start taking time to just relax, even if it's just for a few moments so I can take some deep breaths and keep moving forward. Thank you for sharing with me and helping me put things in perspective.
Since you feel better with each reply I thought I would just say Hay . Let you know if you try you will see there will be many good days too just remember the good days and the bad ones will get less.
Crying just shows you care. All us do it. So Don't swear the little things!
By all means VENT it helps, and don't cost nothing finally something for free!
How that was just a little joking , and I hope you laughted that lets you know you both are still in it.
When I feel down I go to the humor page or the "You might be a care giver page. And I laugh . I think we need to remember when you laugh others willlaugh too and for a moment all is well in the world.
Jennie0 -
Humor pagezinniemay said:another reply
Since you feel better with each reply I thought I would just say Hay . Let you know if you try you will see there will be many good days too just remember the good days and the bad ones will get less.
Crying just shows you care. All us do it. So Don't swear the little things!
By all means VENT it helps, and don't cost nothing finally something for free!
How that was just a little joking , and I hope you laughted that lets you know you both are still in it.
When I feel down I go to the humor page or the "You might be a care giver page. And I laugh . I think we need to remember when you laugh others willlaugh too and for a moment all is well in the world.
Jennie
Yes, I did laugh! Thank you. You mentioned a humor page, where do I find it? I need more laughter :-) One of the things that makes this whole situation difficult right now is that my husband doesn't want anyone to know anything till after the biopsy. Once he knows he's having surgery for sure and when then and only then am I allowed to speak about it. He feels very strongly about this. He doesn't want our son or daughter to know anything right now. They both think everything is fine. Trying to act like everything is fine around them is very difficult. I have to sneak off to use the computer to go on this site. If they saw me on it, they would know something is up. It's driving me crazy. I just want to scream to the world that my husband is not well and instead I have to hold it all in. So using this site has helped a great deal. Thank you Jennie for reading my comments. I appreciate your support so much. Have a great evening!
Lita.0 -
It is on the main page I think go down like you are looking forLittle_C said:Humor page
Yes, I did laugh! Thank you. You mentioned a humor page, where do I find it? I need more laughter :-) One of the things that makes this whole situation difficult right now is that my husband doesn't want anyone to know anything till after the biopsy. Once he knows he's having surgery for sure and when then and only then am I allowed to speak about it. He feels very strongly about this. He doesn't want our son or daughter to know anything right now. They both think everything is fine. Trying to act like everything is fine around them is very difficult. I have to sneak off to use the computer to go on this site. If they saw me on it, they would know something is up. It's driving me crazy. I just want to scream to the world that my husband is not well and instead I have to hold it all in. So using this site has helped a great deal. Thank you Jennie for reading my comments. I appreciate your support so much. Have a great evening!
Lita.
I know how you feel we did the same thing with our children, (Adults) But we wanted to be better informed so that we would have a basic ideal as to what we were telling them.
I love humor I think if you can find something to laugh at it is a stress releaver.
Like Me I have a peg leg. A guy walked up to me and said"Jennie I heard you would make a better amn than most men here at the football field" I was not sure what he was talking about so I said "Why is that" He looked me straigh in the ey and said"cause you have a foot and a half" I laughted so hard but had to find a way to out do him. So I looked at him and said man you think they would be jealous to find out I have five feet in the closet!
(NOTE PLease don't be offened) I learned a long time ago that If I can laugh at myself sure bets some one else doing it at me.
Anyway life has it's up and downs . Just take it one day at a time and count your blessing and then count the bad days , In the long run you might want to focus on the bad ones while you had twice as many good ones!
Peace0 -
Very Wisezinniemay said:It is on the main page I think go down like you are looking for
I know how you feel we did the same thing with our children, (Adults) But we wanted to be better informed so that we would have a basic ideal as to what we were telling them.
I love humor I think if you can find something to laugh at it is a stress releaver.
Like Me I have a peg leg. A guy walked up to me and said"Jennie I heard you would make a better amn than most men here at the football field" I was not sure what he was talking about so I said "Why is that" He looked me straigh in the ey and said"cause you have a foot and a half" I laughted so hard but had to find a way to out do him. So I looked at him and said man you think they would be jealous to find out I have five feet in the closet!
(NOTE PLease don't be offened) I learned a long time ago that If I can laugh at myself sure bets some one else doing it at me.
Anyway life has it's up and downs . Just take it one day at a time and count your blessing and then count the bad days , In the long run you might want to focus on the bad ones while you had twice as many good ones!
Peace
Thank you. Day by day, a little at a time I'm starting to take time to appreciate the "moment" You did not offend me at all. I agree that humor is one of the best deterrents to stress. I'm going to look for that humor page now! Thanks, take care and BEE HAPPY!!0 -
Not so wiseLittle_C said:Very Wise
Thank you. Day by day, a little at a time I'm starting to take time to appreciate the "moment" You did not offend me at all. I agree that humor is one of the best deterrents to stress. I'm going to look for that humor page now! Thanks, take care and BEE HAPPY!!
I don't think anyone is so wise they can not learn something from from another person. We are all human. We all have cried and tears stain our clothes. No one can climb this mountain alone. Together we can take someones hand . Hand in hand the MOuntain will be climbed. I am no wiser than you We are all learning.
I cried enough I would save the planet gallons of water if I would wash my clothes in it. Nasty but would be gray water!
The point is No matter how smart you might think someone is , They are still in the same boat as you. So Ask questions, Get mad, and while you do this remember You are NOT alone. I am learning right along with you.
BUt I also know a good joke will for a little moment let me take a breath and forget this maddiness.0 -
Another recurrence here...zinniemay said:Not so wise
I don't think anyone is so wise they can not learn something from from another person. We are all human. We all have cried and tears stain our clothes. No one can climb this mountain alone. Together we can take someones hand . Hand in hand the MOuntain will be climbed. I am no wiser than you We are all learning.
I cried enough I would save the planet gallons of water if I would wash my clothes in it. Nasty but would be gray water!
The point is No matter how smart you might think someone is , They are still in the same boat as you. So Ask questions, Get mad, and while you do this remember You are NOT alone. I am learning right along with you.
BUt I also know a good joke will for a little moment let me take a breath and forget this maddiness.
Looks like recurrence is all around here. Ugh. My husband goes in for a biopsy tomorrow for what they are certain is a recurrence of his hypopharyngeal throat cancer. Ugh... like you ladies I am so tired, and mentally exhausted. The waiting, the fearing, the inability to plan, all the uncertainty is so scary. I try to take one day at a time - but I am a planner and I struggle with it.
This is a wonderful forum and I am so glad to have found it. If we must go through this misery, it's good to have someone to "talk" to, because those that haven't gone through it do not understand. They THINK they do, but they don't.
((Hugs))0 -
Againkimmygarland said:Another recurrence here...
Looks like recurrence is all around here. Ugh. My husband goes in for a biopsy tomorrow for what they are certain is a recurrence of his hypopharyngeal throat cancer. Ugh... like you ladies I am so tired, and mentally exhausted. The waiting, the fearing, the inability to plan, all the uncertainty is so scary. I try to take one day at a time - but I am a planner and I struggle with it.
This is a wonderful forum and I am so glad to have found it. If we must go through this misery, it's good to have someone to "talk" to, because those that haven't gone through it do not understand. They THINK they do, but they don't.
((Hugs))
You are so right, My father died from Head and neck cancer, my mother colon. And yet I had no ideal what it was like everyday. My parents lived 800 miles away So to some point looking back I just blocked it out of my mind.I loved my parents but had no clue. what was happening. Living so far away it was easier to just block it from my mind. Now that I am in in the middle of what I can not just walk away from or pretend it's nothing. So even when you think you have seen or been or saw it all, Life throws another wrench in your path.
It is like a boo-boo, we know it hurt, but we can not feel it. sad comparision but best I can do. We kind of stand aside till it hits us in the face. So more the more I see the harder it is. I can not go back and change how I was , this is a eye opener lesson for me. I wish my husband did not have to be a part of.0 -
Planningkimmygarland said:Another recurrence here...
Looks like recurrence is all around here. Ugh. My husband goes in for a biopsy tomorrow for what they are certain is a recurrence of his hypopharyngeal throat cancer. Ugh... like you ladies I am so tired, and mentally exhausted. The waiting, the fearing, the inability to plan, all the uncertainty is so scary. I try to take one day at a time - but I am a planner and I struggle with it.
This is a wonderful forum and I am so glad to have found it. If we must go through this misery, it's good to have someone to "talk" to, because those that haven't gone through it do not understand. They THINK they do, but they don't.
((Hugs))
When you mentioned planning that struck such a chord with me because I've always been such an organized, detail oriented person. But with something like this it's so hard to plan ahead. Everything is affected because you don't know what's going to be happening day to day and this is something I would love to be able to take care of just like everything else. My son has a disability and I have work and all the other stuff we have to deal with on a day to day basis and yet I feel paralyzed sometimes not knowing what to do. Because of you ladies I'm feeling a little stronger and trying to take everything day by day. No more long term planning, just day by day.
Take care! Lita0 -
Experiencezinniemay said:Not so wise
I don't think anyone is so wise they can not learn something from from another person. We are all human. We all have cried and tears stain our clothes. No one can climb this mountain alone. Together we can take someones hand . Hand in hand the MOuntain will be climbed. I am no wiser than you We are all learning.
I cried enough I would save the planet gallons of water if I would wash my clothes in it. Nasty but would be gray water!
The point is No matter how smart you might think someone is , They are still in the same boat as you. So Ask questions, Get mad, and while you do this remember You are NOT alone. I am learning right along with you.
BUt I also know a good joke will for a little moment let me take a breath and forget this maddiness.
Experience makes us wise sometimes in ways we would prefer not to be but wise none the less. The more I read some of the postings on this site I realize how much I can learn from all the people who have been there and sometimes are still going through it. I do a lot of walking to get rid of some of the stress and just like that mountain we can only do it one step at a time.
Take care! Lita0 -
Long term PlanningLittle_C said:Planning
When you mentioned planning that struck such a chord with me because I've always been such an organized, detail oriented person. But with something like this it's so hard to plan ahead. Everything is affected because you don't know what's going to be happening day to day and this is something I would love to be able to take care of just like everything else. My son has a disability and I have work and all the other stuff we have to deal with on a day to day basis and yet I feel paralyzed sometimes not knowing what to do. Because of you ladies I'm feeling a little stronger and trying to take everything day by day. No more long term planning, just day by day.
Take care! Lita
Long term planning might actually be a good thing. My husband always had plans, little goals he looked forward to. The key is to just be flexible. We learned that it was ok to plan trips. We just needed to get the trip insurance that included pre-existing conditions. Friends needed to understand that plans might change at the last minute. Someone said to me that we actually needed to be elastic instead of flexible. We might get stretched to the limits, but could bounce back. Yes, take each day one at a time or even one minute at a time as the situation dictates, but don't be afraid to dream. We put together a trip to Hawaii in about 5 days when we learned of Doug's third recurrence. We also planned several months ahead for trips to New Brunswick and Montana. We knew plans might have to change, and we ended up in an emergency room in Montana. Still, we made wonderful memories. Take care everybody. Fay0 -
C,
As Kimmy said, many of us have loved ones who are either facing a recurrence or the possibility/probability of one. Unfortunately, we've all read the statistics on head and neck cancer.
While they are discouraging, we just have to remember that somebody has to make up the "good" part of the statistics! Might as well be our loves ones!
My husband and I have been married almost 33 years so we are right in there with you and your husband. It is hard to think of a single day in which Jim is not a part, especially when thinking about our future. I know what you are feeling.
Kimmy, I agree, we are both emotionally and physically exhausted, but we get back up each day and put our best smile and our battle armor on and go out and fight for the person we love.
C, just remember you are not alone in this fight. There are other warriors who come here each day to gain strength.
I will say a prayer for you and your husband.0 -
So SimilarNoellesmom said:C,
As Kimmy said, many of us have loved ones who are either facing a recurrence or the possibility/probability of one. Unfortunately, we've all read the statistics on head and neck cancer.
While they are discouraging, we just have to remember that somebody has to make up the "good" part of the statistics! Might as well be our loves ones!
My husband and I have been married almost 33 years so we are right in there with you and your husband. It is hard to think of a single day in which Jim is not a part, especially when thinking about our future. I know what you are feeling.
Kimmy, I agree, we are both emotionally and physically exhausted, but we get back up each day and put our best smile and our battle armor on and go out and fight for the person we love.
C, just remember you are not alone in this fight. There are other warriors who come here each day to gain strength.
I will say a prayer for you and your husband.
Thank you for reminding me we are never alone no matter what our troubles are. There are always those people out there who understand exactly where we are coming from. I have to say I was surprised when you said your husbands name is Jim. So is mine :-) Our Jims are each fighting a battle but we will be there no matter what. We cry, we get tired, we pick ourselves up and we move on. I love my Jim very much and I pray for him every moment of eveyday. Now when I pray I'll be thinking of your Jim as well. Take care!0 -
Prayers welcomed!Little_C said:So Similar
Thank you for reminding me we are never alone no matter what our troubles are. There are always those people out there who understand exactly where we are coming from. I have to say I was surprised when you said your husbands name is Jim. So is mine :-) Our Jims are each fighting a battle but we will be there no matter what. We cry, we get tired, we pick ourselves up and we move on. I love my Jim very much and I pray for him every moment of eveyday. Now when I pray I'll be thinking of your Jim as well. Take care!
Thanks, C. We'll both remember our Jims in prayer!
Sometimes, when I'm lying in bed saying my prayers, I kind of start rambling and just say "God, I just put Jim in Your hands". I think I get my best sleep after that
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