Hi - I just finished treatments on May 19th/10 for Ewings Sarcoma. I had a tumor in the soft tissue of my base skull with mets to my lung. After 4 rounds of chemo,surgery on my lung and 35 radiation treatments to my skull I was done. What I was not expecting was the emotional rollercoaster living after would cause. Depression and anxiety set in almost immediately. The fear of recurrence filled my head 24/7. Learning to live with "cancer" as a part of the rest of my life terrified me. A life of scans/blood tests and visits to the oncologist depressed me more than I can say. Knowing that my life as I knew it before cancer would no longer exist was hard to accept. I quickly reached out to a councillor and other cancer survivors. My family doc helped me with some meds to get me through some pretty rough days. This site saved me!!
Now 3 mths later I am glad to say I am getting better. I am learning to accept the fact i am a cancer survivor and this is part of my everyday life. I am still scared but my focus is not totally on recurrence. With help I am able to see how truly lucky i am to still be here. The future scans/blood tests and doctor visits I look now as keeping me healthy. I know my life has a "new normal" and cancer is a big part. I am now glad they are keeping a close eye on me every three months to ensure I remain a survivor. No doubt cancer changed my life forever. I cannot change that fact I can only keep fighting.
Reaching out was the best thing I did. My councillor helped a lot but the cancer survivors helped the most. Talking with people who have walked the walk gave me more help than ever. I have a great support group with family and friends but they really don't get it as they have not been on the journey. I decided to be honest with those closet to me with how I was feeling. I donot committ to anything beyond today and each day I remind myself of the positive and what I am thankful for. I still have down days but I can now always see something positive in the day.
Cancer is a demon that enters your body and changes you. I plan to change for the better.