Aug 16, 2010 - 10:29 pm
My mother died about 2months ago from breast cancer that metastasized to her brain, I was her primary caregiver during this time. I miss her so much. I regret so many things, I feel I should have been a better caregiver and I hate it when people praise me for taking good care of her because all I see are the things I did wrong. I have all this anger and sadness inside of me and it is has caused so much stress and I have been taking it out on my loved ones. I am 22 years old and while I was taking care of my mom I was taking two college courses, beginning the application process for graduate school, studying for the GRE (a grad exam), and doing an internship at a hospital.
It just happened like that, the summer my mother died was already one of the most demanding summers of my life. Now I am going back to school and I have many classes and several other demanding responsibilities. I personally want to do all these things and I know it is what my mom would have wanted. My mother did everything to help me stay on the right track and she really wanted to see me graduate, so I feel that I owe it to her to finish. She would hate it if her death had a negative impact on my education but I am just so sad right now.
I am an only child and I worry so much about my father. It was really hard on him, he pretends to be OK most of the time but I'm not sure that hes just trying to protect me. I am now back at my university and I know he must feel very lonely. I miss her so much, she was always so positive, my biggest supporter and my best friend. She would pray for me everyday and pray with me on the phone when I was away at school. I feel increasingly fearful of so many things now that she is gone.
I just would like to talk to people who can relate to what I am going through, I know there are so many of you out there.