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Having Issues...

bingles
Posts: 120
Joined: Mar 2010

I am having some issues with a friend of mine...she is having some problems with..ok life in general....work..husband..etc..etc.
Her husband troubles are nothing new...he is a slug..they bearly commuinicate...do nothing together..they orbit in two separate worlds...but again this is nothing new.
But I am having problems now with listening to her go on and on about how horrible her life is...I mean seriously...am I wrong in feeling that at least she has a husband to go home to ?...and wishing she could see that talking about her husband/life problems only bring up emotional pain for me.
I just want her to be quiet...another thing that she is doing is going on and on about how she "accidently" met up with an old school "friend" on facebook and has been "talking" with him on a daily basis....this too is really pushing my buttons...seeing as she has a living breathing spouse at home.
Our relationship is on its last legs...there have been more than a few times since Bill passed that she showed a total lack of understanding towards me...most glaring was the time I called her in tears during one of my bad moments...her answer was for me to go shopping....so shopping would make me feel better about my husband dying?
Another problem is that after booking my cruise..which I intended to go on alone...I felt compelled to ask her to join me...at my expense and of course she accepted the offer...I really think I made a huge mistake...I want to take back the invite and go alone...it was supposed to be a time for me to reflect and just relax....no work...no stress...solitary if I wanted to be...yet be amongst people.....my heart is telling me that I need to fix this or the trip will not have the meaning for me that I intended it to have...this was supposed to be "our" cruise.
Guessing I am having some problems dealing with people in general....I have no tolerance....and I feel that I am going into another period of anger...it scares me...I know I will get though this.
Thanks for letting me vent....
Pat

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I, too, find myself much more impatient with people who complain or have a negative outlook. I want to surround myself with people who are positive. I agree that you may need to rethink the cruise. Although ships today are big enough to lose yourself on, sharing a small stateroom may prove difficult. I am not sure how you can do this without losing the friendship, but you may decide that your own peace is worth it. Right now you really do need to concentrate on you. If your friend can't or won't see that, she may not be the best friend for you to have. I know that there are people that I don't spend as much time with now. Only you can evaluate this friendship and decide if it is one that you value. Fay

bingles
Posts: 120
Joined: Mar 2010

Fay...as always you hit it right in the zone...all of what you said is the truth...this grieving thing is surely a complicated thing...so many layers to go though.
I already sent her an e-mail telling her I need some down time...nothing yet about the cruise though...however if I got the note that I sent her I would start to assume that things are shifting...but hey thats just me.
I invested alot of money booking the cruise and it would be a waste..were I not be able to enjoy it as I planned.
Glad you responded...you always have the right words.
Pat

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