CSN Login
Members Online: 12

Cancer Survivor Friend!

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

Last year i was directed to this site,I was lost,had surgery to remove the baby oven, appendix due to clear cell carcinoma stage IV. I was told about chemo treatments, losing my hair, and so much more, was scared, didnt' know what to do, and this site was suggested, and I took a chance, with tears in my eyes i wrote my story in January I believe. A lady answered me almost immediately on here, she was still in middle of cancer treatments,and having her difficulties gave up more time for me than anyone I have known thru this trial of mine. We exchanged email address's and have written daily since my first letter. She gave me strength, she reassured me of my life, my hair would come back when i cried over several emails that I was so distraught about my hair, she told me that I was strong, beautiful and it's hair, it'll come back. I was also separated from my husband and she reminded me that it would be okay, that if when all this was over as in chemo that I would get "me" back and my life would come together. We live so far from each other her in California and me in Nebraska........Today my beautiful friend lies in a coma in hospital a tumor has grown significantly and pushing on her organs, pushing on her lungs,causing so many other problems like water on her lungs. Her sister tells me that she is not breathing on her own, and she is being helped by respiratory,and her kidneys now failing. She's been in ICU for days, and i didn't know what to do, asked her sister to put the phone to her ear so I could tell her how much she has meant to me, her friendship and laughter, and we still have more talking to do. Today her sister tells me they only give her 2 days. I am beside myself with sadness. Diane gave me so much, today I am in remission after 7 months of chemo and strength coming from her. I was given a beautiful friend, I cherish her, love her dearly like we have known each other for years. I do feel like I never gave enough, here I am, and she is in a state that is so unbelieveable to me, she does not deserve any of this.
I know she told me she wrote to a few more ladies on here being the best support she could. I don't know what to do, I wish could run to her side, hold her hand, ask her to wake up, tell her to fight, help her fight. I already feel like I have lost a very special someone in my life. Without me getting uterine cancer, and this site I would have never met my friend Diane........in my heart Diane you will always be!

beckyracn's picture
beckyracn
Posts: 323
Joined: May 2009

It's never easy to loose someone you care so much about. It feels like a great big hand is reaching inside your chest and ripping your heart out, because you want to help so much but can't. I'm sure Diane valued your friendship as much as you valued hers and she will pass on to a better place with that in her heart. It sounds like the two of you developed a great relationship...shared so much when it was really needed. It's now time for you to let her go...which is not an easy task to do. Keep all those wonderful moments the two of you shared together close to your heart...and she will always be with you. Let the tears flow...it's part of the cleansing process.

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

Thank you so much for responding to me, my friend passed away thursday nite, and her sister told me that she is now with God. Diane was very religious and i knew that. My heart is still heavy and i have cried, and cried and in church today I said to God that he has my friend with him. I met another lady on here and told her how much cancer sucks..... i am angry lost my friend. We did connect very well, think God brought us together for a reason, for us to grow together in many ways. Not often we find such a connection in life.
I will hold her always,her strength , her laughter and her smiles I could almost feel in her letters.
Bless your for acknowledging my feelings. thank you again.Brenda

beckyracn's picture
beckyracn
Posts: 323
Joined: May 2009

Brend,
Sorry to hear your friend has lost her battle. Your correct, there are people that will come into our life without reason and serve a much higher purpose than we ever expect. The two of you had each other when it was so important. I'm sure she got as much out of your relationship as you did. Get angry...cry big tears...time is the only thing that will allow all of those emotions to fall into the right place. Hang in there young lady!

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

My friends funeral was today. I sent flowers, I hope they live for a long time..how strange to say that.
Thank you so much for your response. I find it strange to be here, knowing that Diane came on and read each post almost daily, telling me to remember to get back on here and be of strength for someone else. She had a heart, gave when she was exhausted, thot of everyone but herself. She is right, I should be giving of myself, what I have experienced from chemo and lend an ear and heart to another who is in limbo just like me when she came into my life.
I feel like crying so hard, no where to go, no one to scream at over this, its horrible how I feel...
Thanx again for listening. She's in my heart, always. Brenda

jgoodasgold
Posts: 5
Joined: Sep 2010

My heart was breaking for you when I read about your friend. I'm so sorry about your loss. I too live in Nebraska and am a survivor. God Bless

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

Its nice to see someone else from Nebraska here, I am sure there are more but have not seen many. I appreciate your post it means a great deal. I am still struggling inside with missing her letters her voice. I had her on my yahoo messenger and couldn't delete her name off before and the other day I finally did. Never easy! Thank you again!

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network