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I Upset the Wife Today

Trew
Posts: 891
Joined: Jan 2010

I"m sorry I said it, but I did.

I said, if my PSA starts to go back up, I don't want any more hormone shots. I'm done with them. I should not have said it. It was insensitive to her feelings and fears about this PC thingie. I resolve to be more careful about how I speak of my treatment to her in the future. And perhaps just smile and take it. I am still having hot flashes all day long. It seems as this stuff wears off it hits harder. I am having some of the most intense hot flashes the last couple of months I have had since the first shot in Arpil 09. Very odd.

Dr_Jeff
Posts: 10
Joined: Jan 2010

Trew-

You might want to consider medication such as Effexor to help with the hot flashes. My oncologist suggested it after she had good results treating her female patients. After a few weeks, my hot flashes became quite tolerable. Effexor is classified as an antidepressant, so it was also effective in giving me a bump with my mood. Good luck.

ob66
Posts: 215
Joined: Apr 2010

Trew: Had my Lupron 4 month shot on April 12. Two days later I headed to Europe, not knowing what was to happen after reading some experiences on the board. Luck had it that nothing happened. No flashes, no side effects, no nothing. Of course, if you think of it, at first the Lupron has the opposite effect, thus the Casodex, so maybe that has something to do with it. Like you, I am 3 1/2 months out, and the flashes are occuring very frequently and are intense (as in soaking wet---need a washcloth). A room fan helps even with air conditioning. Seems also like warm to hot showers, and warm weather precipitate the flashes. When you know that the lupron has a function you don't want it gone, but it's side effects are not pretty.

Trew
Posts: 891
Joined: Jan 2010

In my mind I am moving more towards quality than longevity any more. I think it will take more than a nudge forward by my PSA to get my back on any hormone shot. My memory is still messed up, hot flashes continue, plus shrinkage and etc....

Nope, I don't what any more hormone shots.

Just jump me up to the top of the treatment cycle and do the chemo now- that is what I would want if and when the PSA starts to move.

I"m 3 months past the end date of the last hormone shot and "m still burning off and on all day and all night. My Uro said to giv eit 9- 12 months to work out of the system.

That said, I have felt an very gradual shift in my mood quality this week.

Come on Normal!!

fathersson's picture
fathersson
Posts: 121
Joined: Nov 2009

Hang in there brother..We are in your court..

newton60
Posts: 4
Joined: Jul 2010

When I complained to my Uro about the intense hot flashes after my second Lupron shot, he prescribed Megestrol AC 40mg tabs, half tab 2X day. Megestrol appears to be a harmone of the same type as Lupron, but over a few weeks the hot flashes gradually decreased to being just noticeable. I discontinued the Megestrol about 3 weeks ago (got last Lupron shot in March) and the hot flashes are coming back. Anyway, you might ask about it.

By the way, I didn't know it would take 9-12 months for the Lupron to work off. Might go back on the Megestrol! Sitting through a 2 hour meeting, I will soak through my undershirt and have wet spots on my arms and chest, then get cold from the air conditioning. Talk about quality of life!

Good Luck.

Trew
Posts: 891
Joined: Jan 2010

I don't know about Lupron- I was on Eligard and got the 6-month shot injected into the stomach. I didn't pay that much attention to the first shot, but the second shot has taken 9 months to dissolve. And then maybe another 3- 6 months to get out of the system and let the pituitary gland kick back in and start getting signals to the testicles to turn on- if they still can. This PC thingie does get a bit complicated at times and seems to involve the entire body for some of us.

Yuck! I"m flashing right now- AGAIN!!

gumbyrun's picture
gumbyrun
Posts: 52
Joined: Dec 2009

Friend of mine's doc recommended flax seed for the hot flashes. I guess you can get it as a "supplement" aka pill as well as seed form. We put the seeds in our cereal/yogurt, on french toast, etc.

Trew
Posts: 891
Joined: Jan 2010

Since rad I'm not doing too well with much fiber in the diet. Shhhhh, but I am having a few complications with all this treatment stuff. I do not suffer very well, it seems. :)
It is amazing my wife loves me so much!

JR1949
Posts: 230
Joined: Jun 2009

Thank God for our wives and the support they give us PCa guys. Of course we in turn love them right back and give them support when they are down.

My wife supported me while I was dealing with the PC monster January through April 2009 especially. Then June 2009 through March 2010 I supported her while she was dealing with the recurrent melanoma demon. We are currently cancer survivors and thankful. Without the support of either of us for the other it would have been a very horrible experience.

But that's what it's all about in a marriage...remember those wedding vows "in sickness and in health".

lew_in_marietta
Posts: 14
Joined: Jul 2010

I'm pretty new to this, but I'm already having disagreements with the wife. I've always gone out of my way to keep from upsetting her, but this is too important. It's my cancer and I'm going to make the decisions.

Having said that, my sister-in-law's friend has started taking a supplement that he says completely stopped all his hormone side effects. I'm sure it's been mentioned here before, but I'll find out tomorrow and post it.

Lew

Skid Row Tom's picture
Skid Row Tom
Posts: 118
Joined: Apr 2010

Well, I guess I gotta ask. . . Disagreements about what?

havit2
Posts: 20
Joined: Jul 2010

It may be your cancer and you should have the final decision but the stress and the outcome is hers to share. My wife attends every appointment with me, we discuss all options, and we share the stress and emotion together. Although I am the one with the disease today, it will be hers alone when it takes me away and I wont be there for her.

Trew
Posts: 891
Joined: Jan 2010

Havit- I agree with you. Cancer is never the concern or problem of one person. With PC the type of treatment and after effects also affect the wife very much.

Particularly in marrage- PC is a two-party cancer.

that is just the way it is.

That said, I am still more interested in quality or longevity. My wife and I are still discussing this from time to time.

ejn's picture
ejn
Posts: 64
Joined: Jun 2010

Although it might be true that the wife suffers too all my wife wants to do is complain about how everything affects her. I have to disagree and say right now one week before surgery it is more about me than her and I cant stand to hear it. It is getting pretty bad and I doubt that she will even pick me up at the hospital. I know I cant leave without a ride and they wont let me leave in a cab. I have no family or freinds here since I have lived here for a short time. I wonder if there are any services available for a ride home from the hospital.

havit2
Posts: 20
Joined: Jul 2010

I joined this group to share experiences and hopefully, someday, learn of some new miracle that will end this disease. All of us have different stages of this disease and handle the stresses and emotions differently. Although my cancer is advanced, it is currently being treated successfully. I am blessed to have a wife that not only shares my concerns and supports me emotionally, she has researched, adapted and shares in a diet which is more cancer friendly. Without her, any stage of this disease would be more difficult. Cancer has taught me to appreciate the many things in life that I always took for granted, I need to add another one to the list.

Trew
Posts: 891
Joined: Jan 2010

Ejn, I'd pick you up if I were closer.

-Trew

HillBillyNana's picture
HillBillyNana
Posts: 106
Joined: Jun 2009

ejn, I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling the support you need from your wife. It IS all about you right now, but apparently she doesn't know how to be what you need. I do hope you get a ride home from the hospital. I want to be every possible support for my husband. It is actually my turn to support him. He got me through breast cancer dx, surgery, chemo, radiation, and now I am happy to be there for him. I hope your wife will join this board discussion and maybe she can find what she needs to be a supporting partner for you during this time.

Skid Row Tom's picture
Skid Row Tom
Posts: 118
Joined: Apr 2010

EJN: HillBillyNana has a great idea -- ask your wife to join the discussion here. I'll offer you this -- my wife read your posts and said if it would be helpful to your wife (and you) to discuss the "prostate cancer experience" from a woman's perspective, she would be happy to talk to her on the phone, via e-mail, or whatever. If you're interested, send me a private message and I'll give you a call.

Tom

HillBillyNana's picture
HillBillyNana
Posts: 106
Joined: Jun 2009

Same here EJN.

hopeful and opt...
Posts: 1293
Joined: Apr 2009

........you can contact the social worker at the hospital........and explain your situation.....there are other men who regularly have operations, and do not have support...... the hospital can make arrangements.

I hope that you wife will be there for you.

Ira

lew_in_marietta
Posts: 14
Joined: Jul 2010

I agree about sharing the stress and going through it together. I wasn't suggesting it didn't affect her. We've already been through similar things with my dialysis and kidney transplant. She's my rock. I was only pointing out that when deciding what to do when there are many options, if we disagree, the decision is mine. I don't want to live with a decision or treatment different than what I want just so I don't hurt her feelings.

lew_in_marietta
Posts: 14
Joined: Jul 2010

I'm sorry I posted about this supplement before researching it. His wife is a distributor for a pyramid type line of products and I don't think the claims are credible.

Lew

GatorDad's picture
GatorDad
Posts: 6
Joined: Aug 2010

You're sorry you upset your wife because you told her how you felt about your treatments? Dude - perhaps a testosterone shot instead?

My wife found incontinence and ED too much to deal with and left. Take care of yourself. If your wife supports you great, if not, do what you need to do.

Trew
Posts: 891
Joined: Jan 2010

I know some times we have no other choices, but to suffer with the physical stuff you have and have your wife runoff- you are one tuff dude, fella.

This PC thingie is no easy cancer- I can see that more and more every day.

And I sure would like a few shots of testosron- maybe a double!

GatorDad's picture
GatorDad
Posts: 6
Joined: Aug 2010

Not tuff at all. Like everyone else here, I have no choice in the matter. The wife was (is) an alcoholic. My condition was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Bottom line: do what's best for your own health. It's OK to try to involve those around you and it's OK to seek their advise and counsel. However, making any medical choice based on how it effects others is an exceptionally bad idea. This is one of those times in life where *you* have to put *you* first.

cheers & beers,
Chris

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