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Hello all...please help...

abongiorno89
Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2010

So, here is my story...Im the eldest of five children and in February of 2008 my Grandfather, who was my Mom's dad, passed of leukemia. Then in April of 2008, my Mom had bad headaches and it turned out that She has a brain tumor that was surrounded by a cyst and the cyst had ruptured. About a week later, my Mom had to have brain surgery and then went through chemotherapy and radiation...the tumor was malignant and was a child's type of cancer. The doctors said that the tumor was there since my Mom was in utero. Anyway...my Mom was in remission of the cancer and had to go for a couple of treatments of chemotherapy left and She developed pnuemonia...three weeks later She passed from that.
That was probably the worst possible thing that ever happened to my family and I.

Anyway...about three months later my father started dating this women. He hid it from us to protect us and about a year and a month after my Mom passed her proposed to her and they are due to get married next year. I do not like her and not for the reasons that I shouldnt like, but because she has no kids, no siblings, has the patience of a rat, and is too nice. There is totally something going on with this chick and I think my dad is blinded by love...

About two weeks ago I did something not so great though...all of this has been bottled up inside AND the fact that my dad doesnt not egknowlegde what I do around my house with my sisters, who are 15 years old, i.e. talk to them about drugs, sex, alcohol, life, something a mother would do...and so I did something without thinking of the consequences and went out to dinner with my sisters and ripped up the place mat and wrote stupid things like..."youre hot call me", "i just bought edible panties for you". etc and wrote my dad's fiancee's cell phone number on it...to make a longgg story short...my dad and her found out, my dad kicked me out for over a week, ruined my 21st bday, and is totally not understanding the truth behind my actions. Him and his fiancee have not forgiven me yet and still bring it up all the time...please please help me!!! I know that I should not have done that, but i was just so mad at so many things that went on the prior week, like she being at my bro's graduation, grad party, prom, etc instead of my Mom...I want to make this right, but unfortunately I think only time will heal this one...i mean this morning a telemarketer called her house, after she changed her cell and house number, and she freaked on my dad, who then freaked on me bc they think i had something to do with the telemarketer calling her house at 6am...HELP!!!

btw...already brought her flowers and a little gift...

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I am so sorry for your lost love ones. Maybe you need to set dwon and talk to your father, tell him how and why you are hurting. I assume that your parents has a good marriage and that he loved your mom. My brother in law did the same thing, I could not forgive him, he married a year later. So I losted not only my sister, but her five children and now their children. Sad part when my mother died (She had 6 of 9 children still living) Who came to her funeal, My sister's husband, While still mad at him I also admired that he did that knowing he was not welcome . my five brothers not one of their children came to their own grandmothers funeral. The unwelcome ex brother in law children came, we are slowing rebuilding something I set out to destory all by myself.
Now my husband has cancer (no cure) and I have no family left that cares. No friends , It is like I set out to destory everyone in my path. Trust me you do not want to go there.
You said she had no children or siblings, could he she just does not know how to relate and that would take time for anyone.
What I am saying go to them ask that they let you be honest and pour your heart out. I don't think you hate this lady , you just don't want her to take your mom's place. So find a balance that you to can be at peace with one another.
Or you will end up like me, no family, no friends, scared to death,at the though of my husband not being there. My children don't understand what I am going threw. Each day I cry. I worry daily about the what if's. I got mad today and said something about happicap parking , My daughter jumped down my throat. This is how bad it is for me she made me cry and told he that I ruined her F-ing day, my brother called he spoke to my husband never asked about me. I am to the point , That I just don't want to go on. I am lost and confused.
Step back and listen see if she is really that bad or is you comparing her to someone else? Tell her how you feel. Worst that could happen is she tell you where to go.
I am sorry I have not of helped you. I wish I could tell you that life gets easier.
If you still have a problem with her, don't drag your siblings into it.

Jennie

abongiorno89
Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2010

Thanks so much Jennie...I feel as if this is a situation, similar to yours, that I just have to sit back, relax, and let nature takes its course. I have already lost my Mother's side of the family last year and I barely speak to them...it was not my fault that we dont speak as much as I would like, but it was definitely a grown up thing...bwtween my dad and them and Im always the one to try to fix things and its just not that simple. Whatever is meant to be will be.
I know Im only 21, but I have been through more than a lot of adults have and maybe perhaps in your situation you need to call your relatives and apologize. That is the best thing that you can do right now. If they arent ready to move forward with you then give it some time...just remember "never a mistake always a lesson". Everything you do on this Earth is a lesson. Everything will work out. Dont worry...just be the best person you can be and if you stand in front of someone and just admit your wrongdoings there, then I doubt they cannot forgive you.
I always tell my little sisters that in order for us all to reach Heaven we must all reach inner perfection. It might not be the inner perfection that anyone understands. The only one who needs to understand is God.
Good Luck...and always rememberIm here for you! :)

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I did , say what was on my mind , and now I am trying to put my life back together. It is a hard lesson to learn but I am taking it one day at a time.

abongiorno89
Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2010

Thats all you can do...in fact...thats the best thing you can do!

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

Sometimes, I am so scare I cry sometimes I am so mad I lash out, I just want to have friends and laugh once in a while, but seams we get used more than we could ever use.
I don't think I ever understood the concept of "Friends" . I don't want some one on top of my every move, I want some one to walk with me at times. I want to know not think maybe , That if I need something or some one I can pick up the phone and call. Maybe today that is to much to ask for. I don't know. My sister will say I never call her, Truth I never call anyone , cause I talk way to much, I fear I would wear them out! So I just clean and do things around the house.
I am so lonily I could talk the bark off a tree, I am so sad I am sure I could fill a river. I have forgotten how to be happy or what it is like to have a day that is not filled with worry or "what If" . I forgotten what it is like to have friends over to just have coffee or play cards, Or do they still do that?
I don't know how to reach out and say have do you have a minute , can we talk . How was your day? Tell me something funny. I am so very tried of being so sad.

flwrbunni
Posts: 4
Joined: Jul 2010

well for one i can't blame you for the way you feel. if she has no patience, how is she going to help your dad raise your siblings? I would forget about it and let it go.

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