Jul 15, 2010 - 2:16 pm
My dad has esophageal cancer (it started in the stomach and came up) T3N1M0 and isn't a candidate for surgery because he had a massive stroke 6 years ago, has had seizures, and has sleep apnea. He was treated at MD Anderson for 6 weeks chemo/radiation, and we have been home for 6 weeks. We go back Sunday for a week of tests to find out how it worked. I have two brothers but they are married with families and don't help. This has actually tore my family apart, as my brothers are trying to control my mother and her finances, even though she has a job and has done fine since my dad's stroke. I cared for him during his stroke, took him to therapy, etc. when I was so young. I was able to finish college after he had a decent recovery (can walk fine, cook, etc. but does not have his speech), and I was just looking into a new job and moving from this small town with no jobs, to the city about 45 mins away (I live in Mississippi). Well, this came and destroyed our lives. He was doing so good and now this... My mom is a wreck and can't do anything. She is very ditzy and I have always had to organize his medicine and such. He was very sick once we got home (extremely high fever, low blood pressure from chemo, not eating) and of course it was all on me. I have been fine and have been so strong, but the fear is starting to get to me. I'm terrified of him not getting better. I can't watch him die. I'm also terrified that I will never be able to move on with my life. I have been stuck for so many years... but even if some other family were willing to help, I couldn't leave him. I'm the only one who takes good care of him, talks to him, treat him the same and everything. The rest of the family sort of ignores him since he has speech trouble.
It's just so hard. Everything. And then there is never any good news from people with this type. I stayed up all last night just crying. Sad for him. Sad for our life. I just needed to vent. :(