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95 yr old man - terminal prostate cancer

CurlyQue
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2010

my husband and i are care-givers for his 95 yr old father. he has inoperable prostate cancer that has spread to his liver, gallbladder, bladder, one kidney and hip bones. therefore, making it terminal. he is quite out of it these days - slips in and out of reality and confusion. when he was still of able-mind, the involved family members decided it best to not be honest about his condition to him. which, at the time, we thought would just make him worry. well, now that he is slipping...he continues to ask about operations for his cancer. is it cruel to say he is fine? or should we tell him the truth? either way, i'm not sure how much information he will retain. but, at the same time, i think i would want to know, given the situation.

and ideas or thoughts??

thanks
~CQ

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

My 88 year old mother died , not from the colon cancer but staff infection from the surgery while in the hospital .She had gone in for surgery on her back they call cement? Then some doctor decided to do a MRI they found a small spot on her Colon. that surgery she got the infection. Her last three months on earth was filled with hurt. I personaly would not have told her about the cancer . She was doing ok after the first surgery ,knows she could have lived a few years longer . We never know. I can not tell you what to do. I know it is hard for anyone at any age.There may never be a "Right" answer. Thoughts are with you.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1561
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi CQ and welcome to our family. I was a caregiver for my dad. He passed away in March from ec with mets to the liver. I believe it is time for you and your family to consider bringing in hospice. They will help you and your father in law to understand what is happening. They will prepare you for the next step. They will teach you how to give your father in law your blessings, and give him the peace of mind that he needs to move on. Let hospice be the ones to tell him what is going on with his cancer. He might accept it from them easier. We will be thinking and praying for you. Keep in touch.
Tina

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