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Dating after Cancer

chaibella
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2010

I'm a 15 year breast cancer survivor, and I'm so thankful, but still find in hard to start new relationships. I underwent right breast mastectomy with reconstruction. I was married at the time of my diagnosis, and my ex-husband was supportive of the changes in me. Following my divorce, which was 6 years after my diagnosis and not a result of it, I felt very alone. A year later I met someone whom I cared for, and I found it so hard to bring up my cancer, but eventually did. This relationship lasted 9 years but ended earlier this year. I enjoy being in a relationship, and enjoy the intimate side of it, but the idea of meeting someone new, discussing my cancer, the possible rejection, sometimes makes me feel that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. I'm not depressed about it, just sometimes sad. I enjoy my life, my kids, my job, but miss being part of a relationship. Any suggestions?

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

I dated post divorce and cancer and discovered that relationships sap more emotional energy than combination chemotherapy! A wise divorced friend once told me about her "6-year rule", "if a person remains single six years following their divorce, he/she will become so comfortable being single, he/she will want to remain that way." I am actually happy being single and living alone, doing what I want to do when I want to do it without having to call someone first.

Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!

Rick

ruthelizabeth
Posts: 146
Joined: May 2009

Don died 4/13. Someone Don knew casually (but better than I did) saw me in the diner the other day and asked if I was alone. I said yes and then wondered how to tell him Don had died. When I left, he was outside, struck up a conversation and I told him about Don. He sympathized and chatted some more and then he asked me out to the movies!!!!

Okay, if you're giggling, that's your privilege, but I was blind-sided and too polite to smack him upside the head. I told him it was too soon, not mentioning that 20 years would be too soon, and left.

If anyone wants the name and addrss of a very lonely man in FL, contact me. I'll get them for you instantly just to get him company that isn't me.

And, yes, I suspect Don would be teasing me about this.

But it really wasn't funny when it happened. Doesn't actually seem funny to me right now.

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