Jun 04, 2010 - 8:53 am
Don died April 13th. I'm gradually making changes in the house.
I realize I'm doing it partly to get the memories of his youngest daughter out of the house and partly because in a small way it's a way of taking control of my life in spite of the continuing threat she poses to me. If you have to live behind locked doors, at least you can have places inside that look pretty and will stay that way. She never came into the house without rearranging, changing, losing or breaking something. I began to hide the things I loved. Now I can put them out and enjoy them. And that's good.
But the house doesn't look the way it did when Don was here. Some days or nights that makes me so sad.
These are changes I would normally make eventually, but not this soon.
I don't know how to feel about it. Sometimes I think Don would be pleased to see me trying to live a normal life. Sometimes I'm just sad.