Jun 03, 2010 - 12:37 am
My mom, my best friend, is dying of lung cancer right now and I can't even imagine a time where I won't ache with raw, searing pain. I'm twenty four years old and this all happened so fast. She only started chemo two weeks ago and now we're discussing removing life support, letting hospice help us arrange her final days (she can't come home from the hospital but they can help make it a little easier on us and her), and how we want to go about the wake and funeral. I'm so scared I'm going to forget what she sounds like and that I won't be able to recognize when she's near and watching over me and I'm so conflicted because I'd love just a little bit more time but can't bear to see her suffer any longer. I'm also terrified of one day picking out a wedding dress or going through my first pregnancy without my mama by my side. It just hurts SO bad and I can't even see or think straight anymore. It's even harder because my younger brothers have been leaning on my dad and I for support and I just can't carry the burden for all of us. Does anyone have any advice on how to get through a daily routine without crying, or being able to get to that point where I'll be able to laugh about happy memories without feeling like throwing up? I'm just at a loss on how to pick up the pieces. My mom is my whole world and I've never gone a day without speaking to her- how does one find the strength to keep going at twenty four, knowing that a lifetime of hurt lies ahead (I say this because my mom found out about the cancer a year ago but tried to hide it from us and didn't seek treatment until recently when it was obviously too late. I knew about it and never could find the words to urge her to do anything, so the guilt is eating me alive as well)?