Jun 01, 2010 - 12:50 pm
When I was 8 my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. For 10 years she faught it, having several major surgeries and going through some of the worst pain a person could go through. Growing up the focus of our family went directly to our mom because of how sick she was. We never did family trips, did family game night. Our father never came to sports games or anything like that. When I was 18 in 2004 my mom passed away. Because I was always the youngest in the family I was normally the one to stay home and take care of my mom, before and after school. During that time we created this bond that I think surpassed that of my brothers. No matter how much pain she was in, she still managed to help me with home work or do things for me. When she died it was like a huge part of me was gone. My family was never the family to talk about things, so we never really talked about how to cope with the loss. Our dad was cheating on her before she passed away and is married to the lady now and has abandonded us kids. On top of that, a 5 year serious relationship ended and I felt like I was left with nothing but, my brother.
When does the pain go away? I have been doing a lot of thinking and I am beginning to believe that the things that I've had to deal with in my life are affecting my relationships today. I have fears of being abandonded when I start getting really close to someone, specifically a girlfriend and my head starts playing games with me. The smallest things make me freak out and think crazy thoughts about cheating and lying. What things can I do to change this? I honestly feel like the 10 years my mom faught cancer and the last 6 years after her death have really put a toll on me emotionally and not really sure what to do. Any words of advice would be great.