Why am I so vain?

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Kgy
Kgy Member Posts: 30
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Why is it some of us can get rid of the scarfs and the wigs and others can't?

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  • BethInAz
    BethInAz Member Posts: 203 Member
    #2
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    Vanity Vanity, thy name is...
    Hi Kgy! For me, getting rid of the wig/scarfs/etc. was easy once I got over the initial hurdle. You can check out my pictures on my expressions page. I started going without when I went on a trip to my daughter's where nobody knows me. Then when I got home, I started going places without anything on my head like the grocery store. Then to office functions. Then to church. The funny thing is that nobody recognizes me and when they do finally get the idea that I'm me, they all tell me how they love my "sleek" look.
    I think with summer coming, I'm going to appreciate so much the opportunity to not have anything on my head. Hope you get to feeling more comfortable soon!
    Beth
  • Kgy
    Kgy Member Posts: 30
    #3
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    BethInAz said:

    Vanity Vanity, thy name is...
    Hi Kgy! For me, getting rid of the wig/scarfs/etc. was easy once I got over the initial hurdle. You can check out my pictures on my expressions page. I started going without when I went on a trip to my daughter's where nobody knows me. Then when I got home, I started going places without anything on my head like the grocery store. Then to office functions. Then to church. The funny thing is that nobody recognizes me and when they do finally get the idea that I'm me, they all tell me how they love my "sleek" look.
    I think with summer coming, I'm going to appreciate so much the opportunity to not have anything on my head. Hope you get to feeling more comfortable soon!
    Beth

    You look Great!!
    If I looked that good I guess I wouldn't worry so much! You look marvolos! I look old and wrinkled! hehehe
  • mwallace1325
    mwallace1325 Member Posts: 806
    #4
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    Kgy said:

    You look Great!!
    If I looked that good I guess I wouldn't worry so much! You look marvolos! I look old and wrinkled! hehehe

    You have to look better than I did
    I finished chemo 10/29/09 and started to go "uncovered" 12/16. I just couldn't stand anything on my head anymore (not painful, just a pain in the a$$). Not only did I have no hair, but no eyebrows (and it's hard to get them right with nothing to follow) and HUGE dark circles around my eyes.
    I'm sure I scared plenty of people who were too nice to say anything or stare. My 17 year old grand daughter was the one who convinced me to take off the scarves. She pointed out that I'd done nothing wrong, I had cancer and should not feel like I had to hide from anyone.
    After a couple of weeks not only was I used to it, but women actually began complimenting me on my "hair style".
    It's something you have to do on your own time, but believe me, I know how you feel.

    BTW BethinAZ, you do look great.
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #5
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    BethInAz said:

    Vanity Vanity, thy name is...
    Hi Kgy! For me, getting rid of the wig/scarfs/etc. was easy once I got over the initial hurdle. You can check out my pictures on my expressions page. I started going without when I went on a trip to my daughter's where nobody knows me. Then when I got home, I started going places without anything on my head like the grocery store. Then to office functions. Then to church. The funny thing is that nobody recognizes me and when they do finally get the idea that I'm me, they all tell me how they love my "sleek" look.
    I think with summer coming, I'm going to appreciate so much the opportunity to not have anything on my head. Hope you get to feeling more comfortable soon!
    Beth

    It was very hard for me to
    It was very hard for me to put away the wig & scarfs. I keep my hats handy. Everyone says I look cute in the short hair, but ya know it still bothers me. So I put away cancer wig & scarfs and look at the hats to be in style right now.
  • sweetvickid
    sweetvickid Member Posts: 459 Member
    #6
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    Kat11 said:

    It was very hard for me to
    It was very hard for me to put away the wig & scarfs. I keep my hats handy. Everyone says I look cute in the short hair, but ya know it still bothers me. So I put away cancer wig & scarfs and look at the hats to be in style right now.

    For me it was easy. I am
    For me it was easy. I am like my Daddy and my attitude if you don't like the way I look then don't look at me. Plus I have realized most people aren't paying attention to you anyway.
  • tjhay
    tjhay Member Posts: 655
    #7
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    Your not Vain
    Hello Kgy, there are alot of contributing factors on going bare or covered. For me at first I wore hats, I was afraid it would be to much for my momma and friends to deal with, I could already see the pain and worry in there eyes. Then my momma and my aunt Joyce took me out to lunch to Olive Garden, what I did not know was that my godmother would be there. I had not seen her since I was 20 so that made it what 27 years. When she went to hug me she accidently knocked my ball cap off, when she pulled away she said dang child you look just like you did as a baby you ever going to grow up. We all laughted, my momma picked up my hat and put it in her bag.
    After a bit I excused myself to go to the restroom, when I came out of the stall there was a lady standing there. She smiled at me and said I had that same haircut 2 years ago. Dont worry about how it makes others feel, this is your time just worry about how you feel and take care of those feelings. She hugged me then and left the bathroom. When I make it back to my table I noticed that she was at the table behind, she had seen the whole thing.
    My point to this story is, this is your time, dont worry about what others feel only worry about how you feel and take care of those feelings.


    tj
  • Chrispea
    Chrispea Member Posts: 123 Member
    #8
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    tjhay said:

    Your not Vain
    Hello Kgy, there are alot of contributing factors on going bare or covered. For me at first I wore hats, I was afraid it would be to much for my momma and friends to deal with, I could already see the pain and worry in there eyes. Then my momma and my aunt Joyce took me out to lunch to Olive Garden, what I did not know was that my godmother would be there. I had not seen her since I was 20 so that made it what 27 years. When she went to hug me she accidently knocked my ball cap off, when she pulled away she said dang child you look just like you did as a baby you ever going to grow up. We all laughted, my momma picked up my hat and put it in her bag.
    After a bit I excused myself to go to the restroom, when I came out of the stall there was a lady standing there. She smiled at me and said I had that same haircut 2 years ago. Dont worry about how it makes others feel, this is your time just worry about how you feel and take care of those feelings. She hugged me then and left the bathroom. When I make it back to my table I noticed that she was at the table behind, she had seen the whole thing.
    My point to this story is, this is your time, dont worry about what others feel only worry about how you feel and take care of those feelings.


    tj

    That's a sweet story.
    I'm
    That's a sweet story.

    I'm still shy about people seeing my naked head! I'm getting braver and take it off in front of family members. One day I was outside on my porch, when I realized I didn't have any hair on, so I ran back in! LOL!

    If I didn't have such a pea head I'd probably go without. Couple more weeks and I'll be able to, I just need to poof the top a bit! ;)

    I say do what makes YOU comfortable.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #9
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    Vain women of the world, Unite! LOL
    Why is it some of us like fish while others crave steak? Why do some women match their purses to their shoes, while others cringe at the thought of "matchy-matchy?" Why do some like football, while others can't abide sports in any form? Red wine vs beer? Or country and Western music vs Classic Rock...the list is of course endless! We just all fire and react and like different things, is all.

    There isn't a right/wrong here~ it is simply a what is! I fully admit I am vain! I make no apologies for it, as it isn't anything I see the need to change about myself. It is what makes me who I am, and I am comfortable in my skin. I never ever ever went without a head covering of some sort during treatment. I even wore a bandana to bed so that my sweetie didn't have to see me without hair. And he wasn't put off my my baldness AT ALL, it was me who hated it! I took showers in the dark so as not to have to see myself, and religiously glued false eyelashes on if I had to go someplace public. And I know I wasn't fooling anyone~ it was only too obvious that I was a chemo-sister! It was all for my peace of mind. Which is an important part of the healing process.

    I admire and even envy those who can throw caution and head-coverings to the wind and just do it! I love how they are take charge women who say the hell with it and are publicly strong. A part of me wishes I had that personality. But at 60, I know the personality I have is unlikely to change!

    Be who you are comfortable being...the crime is cancer itself, NOT how we get through the journey!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • greyhoundluvr
    greyhoundluvr Member Posts: 402
    #10
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    KGY
    As usual, Chen put it very eloquently. I am with you - it took me time to even get used to going out with the scarves/caps - I just had to do that because I hate the wig. I only wear it to my plastic surgeon's office (don't want to scare away the cash customers) or if we go to a restaurant. As my husband said, if a man goes out with their baldness, it is a fashion statement; if a woman goes out, it is like we have "cancer" tattoed across our forehead so at least he gets my discomfort. I have come to value the people who treat me like normal and try to ignore the ones who won't make eye contact at all or just stare. I had my first appointment at the radiation oncologist last week and a lady with only about a half inch of hair (who looked great!) walked up to me and just said "goo morning beautiful lady." No doubt she was overstating the case but it made my day because I knew she understood! Do what is comfortable for you!
  • Kgy
    Kgy Member Posts: 30
    #11
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    mwallace1325 said:

    You have to look better than I did
    I finished chemo 10/29/09 and started to go "uncovered" 12/16. I just couldn't stand anything on my head anymore (not painful, just a pain in the a$$). Not only did I have no hair, but no eyebrows (and it's hard to get them right with nothing to follow) and HUGE dark circles around my eyes.
    I'm sure I scared plenty of people who were too nice to say anything or stare. My 17 year old grand daughter was the one who convinced me to take off the scarves. She pointed out that I'd done nothing wrong, I had cancer and should not feel like I had to hide from anyone.
    After a couple of weeks not only was I used to it, but women actually began complimenting me on my "hair style".
    It's something you have to do on your own time, but believe me, I know how you feel.

    BTW BethinAZ, you do look great.

    MWalace,
    Give that grand
    MWalace,

    Give that grand daughter a Hug! Sounds like you are a very lucky woman!

    I hope I come to terms with this soon.
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #12
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    greyhoundluvr said:

    KGY
    As usual, Chen put it very eloquently. I am with you - it took me time to even get used to going out with the scarves/caps - I just had to do that because I hate the wig. I only wear it to my plastic surgeon's office (don't want to scare away the cash customers) or if we go to a restaurant. As my husband said, if a man goes out with their baldness, it is a fashion statement; if a woman goes out, it is like we have "cancer" tattoed across our forehead so at least he gets my discomfort. I have come to value the people who treat me like normal and try to ignore the ones who won't make eye contact at all or just stare. I had my first appointment at the radiation oncologist last week and a lady with only about a half inch of hair (who looked great!) walked up to me and just said "goo morning beautiful lady." No doubt she was overstating the case but it made my day because I knew she understood! Do what is comfortable for you!

    I spotted a woman at the mall....
    who had about a half inch of hair and I just walked over to her and said, "this is what it will look like in about 3 mos from now." and we gave each other a big hug and laughed together. I'm so glad I did that. I used to be shy.... not anymore!
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #13
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    Mama G said:

    I spotted a woman at the mall....
    who had about a half inch of hair and I just walked over to her and said, "this is what it will look like in about 3 mos from now." and we gave each other a big hug and laughed together. I'm so glad I did that. I used to be shy.... not anymore!

    Chen-amen! you sound so
    Chen-amen! you sound so grounded. mama never thought of you as shy, but I only know you here. I get it though I am much more likely to speak and speak up. Nobody gets itlike someone who has been through it. and we all need to support each other. you guys are all great.
  • Kgy
    Kgy Member Posts: 30
    #14
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    I did it!
    Thank you for your helpful comments and stories. I finaly went to work Tuesday for the first time without a WIG! Was a bit self consoius. YEAH no more Wigs for now anyways! hehehe
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #15
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    Kgy said:

    I did it!
    Thank you for your helpful comments and stories. I finaly went to work Tuesday for the first time without a WIG! Was a bit self consoius. YEAH no more Wigs for now anyways! hehehe

    Congratulations~ way to go!
    Congratulations~ way to go! I hope the experience was liberating! Have a grand wig-less summer!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Kgy
    Kgy Member Posts: 30
    #16
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    chenheart said:

    Congratulations~ way to go!
    Congratulations~ way to go! I hope the experience was liberating! Have a grand wig-less summer!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    It does fell better
    Yeah it is a bit liberating after 1 year of wearing wigs went tru about 6 of them going shorter each time to prepare those around me but it is very short! shorter than Jamie Lee Curtis. But at least it is cooler and no more headaches! yeah! Go women If I can do it anyone should be able!

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