1 day no tears

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Cindy Ann
Cindy Ann Member Posts: 101
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I don't know if this is a new phase for me. I actually had 1 whole day with no tears.. I am sick with bronchitis etc.. But no tears. I see the surgeon on Monday to start the process to board my surgery. No tears..Still scared witless. Is this acceptance or just a break until surgery and the pathology report comes back?? I know this sounds like a insane posting but I had a day tear free. I actually felt bored. Sick and can't go out. The weather was crappy. Am I in denial or just moving forward.. I am trying the straight line approach. Get well, have surgery, and get path report. I hope today is another tear free day. No promises to myself on that one..But hey a tear free day is a good day for me..I hope you all have a tear free day today..Also in the beginning did you find yourselves paralyzed unable to clean that closet. Do the things to make things easier before it all started?? What did you do to get moving and clean your closets etc..

Love and Blessings,
Cindy Ann

Comments

  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
    #2
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    Tears
    When I first got my diagnosis, I couldn't do anything but cry -- for days. My doctor put me on Lexapro. It saved my sanity. I know some get through this without medication help, but I couldn't. I have never had depression in my life, but this sent me over the edge. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your oncologist or family doctor, or call the American Cancer Society and ask for a support person to call you. Its okay to cry...its okay to scream and shout....this is a hard thing to deal with.

    Judy
  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #3
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    Tear free good....sometimes
    I hope this means your accepting and moving forward. Tear free days are good and I hope you have more.
    As you journey down this road, stop off at the store and buy the biggest can of Texas Whoop A$$ you can find and get ready to shake it up on this nasty disease. Shoot, I will go in 1/2 with ya.
    Yes I am from Texas...Yes I live in a small little redneck town in N.E.Texas.....no, duct tape is not a fashion statement for me (it is for many around here tho). LMAO
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
    #4
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    GregStahl said:

    Tear free good....sometimes
    I hope this means your accepting and moving forward. Tear free days are good and I hope you have more.
    As you journey down this road, stop off at the store and buy the biggest can of Texas Whoop A$$ you can find and get ready to shake it up on this nasty disease. Shoot, I will go in 1/2 with ya.
    Yes I am from Texas...Yes I live in a small little redneck town in N.E.Texas.....no, duct tape is not a fashion statement for me (it is for many around here tho). LMAO

    Unless cleaning is good therapy for you,
    who cares about a closet? I took Ativan from the day I found the lump until 4 or 5 weeks after my last chemo when I started to feel human again. Most days a few tears, only a couple of big boohoos. The Ativan helped to keep me focused and sleep, the tears were a release and besides,I just couldn't help it. But I was able to confine it to the house only. Except my dr. office. Yesterday I had a follow-up visit with my surgeon and we laughed cause this was the first appt. with no tears.

    Don't be ashamed to shed tears, it's ok, this is scary stuff. The more knowlege you gain about this the better. I understood, accepted it, joked about various procedures and wigs etc., but still shed tears at home. Treatment ended in Dec. 09 and I feel really good.

    Oh, my biggest boohoo was when I started losing my eyebrows and lashes after treatment was thru. Go figure!

    Feel better from the bronchitis and keep us posted...and don't worry about trying to keep a perfect house, housework will wait for you to feel better..take care of you.

    Hugs, Judy :-)
  • Christine Louise
    Christine Louise Member Posts: 426 Member
    #5
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    Tear free
    After my mastectomies, I got depressed (common after any surgery) and cried until I couldn't focus my eyes. I got sick of being so debilitated. Finally, when I'd start to cry, I'd yell, "Stop wasting my time!" And, I learned to stop and haven't cried much since. I agree, at some point you just move forward. That's not denial, just a different response. And, when crying helps more than hurts, it's fine and good to cry.

    I did the opposite of being paralyzed: I cleaned frantically, the way I did before my kids were born. My family thought I was crazy and should relax, but being a whirlwind took my mind off the upcoming surgery. In the end, it didn't matter if I did all that or not. Half the stuff I bought to make things easier, I didn't use. The closets are still there, clean or not, and picking away at cleaning them is satisfying after surgery, too.

    Don't sweat it. Do whatever feels right for right now. Please don't put any more pressure on yourself! Life goes on after surgery, and there's time to get things done eventually.

    Wishing you peace of mind.
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #6
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    My tears
    Have definitely come and gone throughout this rocky journey, but they are definitely fewer and further between now than when I was first diagnosed. I actually can't remember now when the last time was that I had a pity party, but I'm guessing it was about a month ago, and I just finished rads 2 weeks ago.

    I'm sure it won't be a straight line, but there is likely to be a lessening of tears as you move forward and are able to take action to win this battle. Some days you will fall back into (well-deserved) pity because you may just feel like carp, but other days will be good, and you will be getting closer and closer to the Dance with NED that we all strive for.

    Glad you had a good day, and I'm sure you will have many more to come.

    Take care,
    Cindy
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #7
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    cindycflynn said:

    My tears
    Have definitely come and gone throughout this rocky journey, but they are definitely fewer and further between now than when I was first diagnosed. I actually can't remember now when the last time was that I had a pity party, but I'm guessing it was about a month ago, and I just finished rads 2 weeks ago.

    I'm sure it won't be a straight line, but there is likely to be a lessening of tears as you move forward and are able to take action to win this battle. Some days you will fall back into (well-deserved) pity because you may just feel like carp, but other days will be good, and you will be getting closer and closer to the Dance with NED that we all strive for.

    Glad you had a good day, and I'm sure you will have many more to come.

    Take care,
    Cindy

    I think we shed tears on and
    I think we shed tears on and off during the whole process of what we have to go thru with bc. Our emotions are right on the edge, which is normal. So, if you are having a good day with no tears, enjoy it! Hope you have many more!
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #8
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    survivorbc09 said:

    I think we shed tears on and
    I think we shed tears on and off during the whole process of what we have to go thru with bc. Our emotions are right on the edge, which is normal. So, if you are having a good day with no tears, enjoy it! Hope you have many more!

    When you first get diagnosed
    When you first get diagnosed you think you will never stop crying, then it gets less and less. it is such a shock to the system and you undergo a grieving process. I dont know if you completely stop, because it is a bad memory and you get scared. but it gets better, and meds help too.
  • il2read2
    il2read2 Member Posts: 29
    #9
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    GregStahl said:

    Tear free good....sometimes
    I hope this means your accepting and moving forward. Tear free days are good and I hope you have more.
    As you journey down this road, stop off at the store and buy the biggest can of Texas Whoop A$$ you can find and get ready to shake it up on this nasty disease. Shoot, I will go in 1/2 with ya.
    Yes I am from Texas...Yes I live in a small little redneck town in N.E.Texas.....no, duct tape is not a fashion statement for me (it is for many around here tho). LMAO

    Hi.... I grew up in Texas.
    Hi.... I grew up in Texas. Half way between Lubbock and Amarillo!
  • Cindy Ann
    Cindy Ann Member Posts: 101
    #10
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    carkris said:

    When you first get diagnosed
    When you first get diagnosed you think you will never stop crying, then it gets less and less. it is such a shock to the system and you undergo a grieving process. I dont know if you completely stop, because it is a bad memory and you get scared. but it gets better, and meds help too.

    2 days no tears
    Even yesterday after my mom who walked away sent me a card I didn't cry. I felt teary eyed off and on. I don't know what to feel. Do still feel kinda numb. Remember guys I haven't gotten my surgery date yet. I have bronchitis with complications. But can still get up and write you all. Shows me I am stronger then I think. As for meds believe me I have no problems taking soemthing for anxiety. I have a prescription right now. Being a nurse I realize that this is too hard to get through without having anxiety and depression. No major event in a persons life comes without these things. I also am a firm believer in talk therapy. It helps. I know the dam will break again most likely if things go off path as they already have.Because I cannot do contrast MRI's I am terrified it will change what my surgeon and I discussed. If that happens on Monday I will most likely cry a river of tears. I like to know everything and have it go the way I plannned. If it doesn't then I have a hard time. I will need all my ladies in pink if this happens. I am just trying to get through a day at a time without this pain in my heart bringing me to my knees. Trying so hard to be strong. I am very alone in my fight. Right now my husband is under the wire to finish a dead line and worked 14 hrs yesterday. Ate and went to bed. My daughter has a dear friend going through a awful divorce and surgery today. Her focus is on her. My son is in Georgia. My friends will not return my calls since my diagnosis. My extended family except for my aunt, sister-in-law and 1 cousin have not even reached out to me. So when I have 1 day without feeling sorry for me it is a good day. I do not know why I have to do this alone but it is my burden. I know when my surgery comes all will be there. But the weeks leading up to it I am bascially on my own.. This site is my life line. I am seeing my therapist today. The one thing I have learned so far is I can do this.. I am a strong woman.I am sure some of you are or have been in my shoes..

    Cindy Ann
  • SamuraiMom
    SamuraiMom Member Posts: 295
    #11
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    Cindy Ann said:

    2 days no tears
    Even yesterday after my mom who walked away sent me a card I didn't cry. I felt teary eyed off and on. I don't know what to feel. Do still feel kinda numb. Remember guys I haven't gotten my surgery date yet. I have bronchitis with complications. But can still get up and write you all. Shows me I am stronger then I think. As for meds believe me I have no problems taking soemthing for anxiety. I have a prescription right now. Being a nurse I realize that this is too hard to get through without having anxiety and depression. No major event in a persons life comes without these things. I also am a firm believer in talk therapy. It helps. I know the dam will break again most likely if things go off path as they already have.Because I cannot do contrast MRI's I am terrified it will change what my surgeon and I discussed. If that happens on Monday I will most likely cry a river of tears. I like to know everything and have it go the way I plannned. If it doesn't then I have a hard time. I will need all my ladies in pink if this happens. I am just trying to get through a day at a time without this pain in my heart bringing me to my knees. Trying so hard to be strong. I am very alone in my fight. Right now my husband is under the wire to finish a dead line and worked 14 hrs yesterday. Ate and went to bed. My daughter has a dear friend going through a awful divorce and surgery today. Her focus is on her. My son is in Georgia. My friends will not return my calls since my diagnosis. My extended family except for my aunt, sister-in-law and 1 cousin have not even reached out to me. So when I have 1 day without feeling sorry for me it is a good day. I do not know why I have to do this alone but it is my burden. I know when my surgery comes all will be there. But the weeks leading up to it I am bascially on my own.. This site is my life line. I am seeing my therapist today. The one thing I have learned so far is I can do this.. I am a strong woman.I am sure some of you are or have been in my shoes..

    Cindy Ann

    You Can and You Will
    Hi Cindy Ann,

    Let it flow and when it doesn't celebrate it like you are. Every day that the cancer doesn't control your every emotion is a day closer to your feeling more and more control come back into your life. You are definitely not alone. Maybe we're not all sitting in your living room right now curled up and chatting on the couch, but we're here! I know the sadness you are feeling. Plain and simple, it sucks. And so does cleaning the closet! Forget it, watch Oprah and eat some chocolate!
    xxoo

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