new here

On way home from Dr appt.
On way home from Dr appt. Just had rectal ultrasound. They staged me at T3N1. Only 2cm from anus so I will more than likely have colostomy after surgery which will b after weeks of chemo/radiation. It's tough, like a kick in the nuts. I'm 44 male and we're supposed to be tough manly men right. Well sometimes u have to cry and no one that truely loves u and people like me now that know what you're going through would ever look or think of u any differently. U can b sad but u also have to b possitive no matter hard it gets like my old buddy said "it's all about attitude" stay tuff no matter what, if I can do it so can u

tesslee said:

yes i've had panic attack for first time
and it's funny you picked up on that. i started on a vomiting attack for several hours ended up not being able to breathe and went to ER. it was a panic attack and a low grade infection which i lived with for a couple weeks until a port was put in and they put antibiotic into iv for the procedure. again i think i started to panic again last night and threw up again, but today feel better. i have never heard of thema, is that an antidepressant?

thank you both for your replies. i hope i can be of help someday but it's not possible right now.

new
I am also stage IV colon cancer with mets to liver. I have had no surgery as i am inoperable at this time. Have been on two different chemo in the last 8 months and am always hoping for the best. You can do this if you need help for depression please talk to you dr. It can help a lot please try to stay positive and know that we are here for you always. Blessings to you. Deb

khl8 said:

Ok, first Breathe! You can
Ok, first Breathe! You can do this. I also had an illeostomy and as much as that devestated me I got through it. As for Chemo, the unknown is frightening, but again this can be done. I was also petrified and after the first one I realized , ok this is not so bad. You need to talk to your doctor about getting you an anti depressent, I needed thema and so do alot of other people here. This helped me alot.
You will get used to the bag and the chemo and before you know it you will be helping someone else here.
If you have question, want to vent or need a virtual hug we are all here for you!
Kathy

Could not help but pick up
Could not help but pick up on that, I am you! I was where you are right now. Lean on us however much you need to. We have been there and have lots of advice to give!
Kathy

tesslee said:

hi Sue, my name is Tess. i
hi Sue, my name is Tess. i want to wish you well with your beginning chemotherapy. thank you for your story also. i'm very happy for you that you have a strong belief you can beat this. and i'm sure you will. thank all of you for your help and encouragement.

Hi Tess
Boy I remember those early days. Anxiety,depression,disbelief.... Stage IV. ...it isn't easy but hang in there...come for support,vent,cry,share.

I was diagnosed Stage IV in October of 2007 and doing well....stay Hopeful!!!!

Smiles,
Dawn

karguy said:

Welcome
Welcome to the site,don't be afaid to ask any questions.I have a permanant colostomy bag,for a little over 1 1/2 years now,it becomes part of your routine,no big deal.I had no energy for a long time,then the doctor started me on iron pills,4 per day,after about 2 months I got about 70 to 80% of my energy back.Talk to the doctor about medication for depression,and anxiety,that will help.You can get thru this,don't get scared,get angry.Don't never ever give up.Feel free to come and ask questions anytime.

I was diagnosed March 25th 2008 so I am 2 years ahead of you...
Sounds like the same deal...I have permanent ostomy....piece of cake...I had 5 weeks of chemo and radiation before surgery, piece of cake, I had surgery, piece of pie, in tuesday out Friday...Then I had post op chemo, 5fu,oxaliplatin, leucouvorin...Hmm...not very pleasant but very doable....it will be a year of fast flying Dr appointments, blood draws, scans etc but it will pass by hurriedly. You will have to mentally prepare yourself for the hustle and bustle that it will entail, but !!! once you see how everything rolls it will start to get routine for you and the anxiety will ease. I am 2 years out of diagnosis and I am just now getting my strength back to where it was close to before diagnosis. My "new normal" is pretty durn good considering the alternative...But, that is something to dismiss completely, you will do great, be your own advocate for your treatment processes and ask lots of questions. stay out of the internet except for here for information. It is all 2-5 years behind out there in cyberspace but in here its up to the minute with great information about anything from poop to peanuts. Don't look for major strides in your move towards getting back to complete normal to quickly, you celebrate the little steps forward, the small victories won, for those are what will get you through the whole ordeal. It won't be easy, but it will change your life and you will be stronger mentally than you have ever been in your life. It will give you a new respect for living and enjoyment of the smallest things that we use to take for granted. We don't cull anything here as far as conversation so...Unload, unpack, and relax, Tess and Sue, you are both in great hands here........Love to you both, Buzz

Welcome Tess and Sue
Wow...two newbies for the price of one I feel for you both...I was there (as was everyone else on the board) and we know what you're going through and what you have ahead of you. But take a deep breath...it all seems to be coming fast but once you get in a routine like someone mentioned...it is very "DO-ABLE" . I won't bore you with my diagnosis...you can read my profile, but I too am Stage IV, first diagnosed Sept '06, recurrence (well, it was there all the time but not found) June '08. I did 11 rounds of Chemo, 9 zaps of cyperknife radiation and 6 months of Xeloda. I felt crummy some of the time and ok some of the time. I was able to throw a BIG BEAUTIFUL wedding for my daughter while undergoing chemo AND build our dream vacation house. We went on a bicycle trip to Bordeaux while I was doing Xeloda...so...just know life goes on and you can deal with it if you have the attitude that you're stronger than the cancer and won't let it stop you. I'm just going to keep having a good time...no matter what! Ask tons of questions. I remember my first chemo day, no one explained anything to me. My second infusion day I sat next to a gal having her first. Her nurse explained it all...so I sort of leaned over and listened to her explanation. It made more sense knowing what was happening and why. Give your doc all your symptoms and side effects...they have lots of cool drugs to help out. It's easy to "go to the dark side" but try and stay upbeat and know you'll win this fight! Laurie

Hi Tess and Sue
Sorry to have to meet you here, but you have found a safe place to say what you feel. I am dx stage 4 colon cancer. Surgery 2 years ago and have mets to the lungs. I am doing fine, but taking a break from treatment (per my local onc and the UCSF doc) Other then surgery, my most scary day was the first day of chemo. Make sure someone is with you who can hear all the instructions and why and what's. You will get through it despite how you feel! Next treatment you will not be the newbee, and soon you will be the go to person! Know that you are stronger then you think! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

The good things
Hi tess
there are good things about cancer
1. You have free time to do things you had no time to do before
2. if you stopped working since you have stage IV you will automatically qualify for SS disability, So go apply.
3. Yoga classes are free at the hospital
4. Foundations will give money to help with your cost, (ask your oncology's staff)
5. Random people when they see you will tell you how good you look, (something about the colostomy and ostomy bags making are waste system work give you a healthy glow I guess)

6. You now have a real excuse to put off sex(i am not sure how good that one is)

7. If you have an ileostomy you can eat what you want and not gain weight

Now that you know the good and there is more, get out of bed and enjoy the day you have cancer your not a vampire the sun light wont hurt you.

For energy, try fruit and juicing, make sure you get enough protien, vitamin D, B complex,

Excerise, just walking will help,

It will be ok.

LIve, Love, Play
Winnie