Apr 22, 2010 - 12:17 am
March 2nd my mom passed away. We used to talk on the phone often. She always listened. Back in Feb of 09 she found out she had AML (cancer of the blood). I stoppped working and moved in with her to take care of her. She never gave up!! I'm having a really hard time now that shes gone. i tryed to prepare everyone around us before she actually died, although I never thought she would. Whats hard is as the months got longer and one side effect after another causes more problems, i became very bitter and just wanted my life back. When she had down days i would play out in my mind how it would all go down. That she would get better and better and i would be free again. It didn't happen that way. It seemed long and drawn out. It was only one year. I wish i would havve been diffrent and not so damn selfish. Most people say its normal to feel like that, wanting it to be over and move on. Well that makes me feel no better. Is there any relief from this guilt? i know I did the best I could with little to no help from anyone. I just want to talk with her agian. And I do, but most of the time it pisses me off that I can't hear her. i thought I would feel her around and I don't.