Just venting
Eric
Comments
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You are right.
Eric, ever since losing my mom to colon cancer in March, I have been having the same feelings... Even reading people's statuses on Facebook is sometimes enough to make me cringe. Until a TRUE tragedy/hardship/problem has come into your life, you DO get easily upset by the smaller issues in life. I think it takes a big thing to happen to snap us out of that and help us to realize what is a REAL issue worth making a big deal about.
Anyway, that's just my two cents. Praying for you, bud.0 -
VENT ON!!!
Very will put! I think most of the inconveniences in life don't matter, the people matter, but not the things that crawl under our skin. I must confess that I have complained about things that really have no significance and I am actually ashamed that I have done so. I have learned to get up in the morning as say-well I am still here, and so I have it good. Why does it take something like cancer to make us focus on what truly is important.
I wonder if I am the only one who has had to learn many lessons by dealing with this stuff. I really don't think that I was given cancer to learn lessons, I think cancer happens because of biology-cell nucleus mutation with uncontrolled cell reproduction-to put it in very simplistic terms, but I do know that through the tough times I can become a different and hopefully a better person.
My oldest brother says that I just have to keep on living and that is what is so great about the people here. They are given challenges beyond what anyone could even imagine and you know what they just keep on living, and because of who they are they continue to give to others here and where they live, proving what is important over and over again.0 -
Yeah, but....
The petty things are terrible to those that are suffering what seems
like "insignificant things" to others that aren't suffering from them.
(did that make sense?)
Sometimes we suffer with things that we feel are robbing us of the
happiness we could be having, especially when we realize that our
life is indeed short, and these insignificant things are taking our
precious "happy" time away.... So we rant.
It doesn't solve anything, any more than your rant helped you,
but we get it out of our system for the moment... It's like
puking up the lousy meal we paid good money for; it doesn't
get our money back, but we're purging the garbage anyway.
I have cancer, so I can complain about anything..... but that doesn't
make it Ok for me to tell someone without cancer, that their complaint
isn't important.
It is important.... To them.
(OMG..... I didn't just rant, did I ?)
Never mind...
Good health!
John0 -
JohnJohn23 said:Yeah, but....
The petty things are terrible to those that are suffering what seems
like "insignificant things" to others that aren't suffering from them.
(did that make sense?)
Sometimes we suffer with things that we feel are robbing us of the
happiness we could be having, especially when we realize that our
life is indeed short, and these insignificant things are taking our
precious "happy" time away.... So we rant.
It doesn't solve anything, any more than your rant helped you,
but we get it out of our system for the moment... It's like
puking up the lousy meal we paid good money for; it doesn't
get our money back, but we're purging the garbage anyway.
I have cancer, so I can complain about anything..... but that doesn't
make it Ok for me to tell someone without cancer, that their complaint
isn't important.
It is important.... To them.
(OMG..... I didn't just rant, did I ?)
Never mind...
Good health!
John
You didn't rant. I get your point. Just because I have cancer doesn't mean other people don't have problems that are important to them. I was just venting.
Eric0 -
it's all a matter of perspective
It is frustrating, Eric. No problem- vent away!
I guess we just have to look at others' complaints through their narrower lens. I know when I think of some of the things I used to stress over b.c. (before cancer), I think that I can't even believe some of the things I used to waste brain energy over. Yes, we all have now been "enlightened" as to what is really important in life. That is, life itself and our relationships with those around us.
I guess we can just have pity on others who are so caught up in the petty things in life. I know it doesn't make it any easier to listen to someone complain about their sniffles or that their nails didn't turn out right or about their bickering with a friend, coworker, etc... when some of us are wondering if our kids will grow up without a mom, how we can get through another day of work with all the chemo side effects, etc, etc. I know.
It's just human nature to complain and focus on ourselves. What we focus on about ourselves changes with what is happening to us in life. When people still have their health, they'll always find something to stress out about or complain about- that's just the way we humans are!
Tomorrow's a new day!
Lisa0 -
I know the feeling
Eric, yesterday i went back on chemo, not what i expected but it is what it is, When i was in the room, I looked like the healthies person there I looked like i should have been taking care of everyone else, . I felt down on myself for even being there, how could this be? why me, I look good , why is my cancer spreading, why am not operable anymore, Am I going to look like them soon. I felt silly wantting to vent to someone,
I did vent, shortly to my hubby and this was wrong cause it came off wrong and started to cry, it kinded sounded like to him that i want to look bad, (not what i meant). So i had to get happy with my situation. realize it's all going to be ok. Cancers not going to kill me 2012 is (lol)
LOve ya,
Winnie0 -
Lisa hit it pretty good, as the old adages go:lisa42 said:it's all a matter of perspective
It is frustrating, Eric. No problem- vent away!
I guess we just have to look at others' complaints through their narrower lens. I know when I think of some of the things I used to stress over b.c. (before cancer), I think that I can't even believe some of the things I used to waste brain energy over. Yes, we all have now been "enlightened" as to what is really important in life. That is, life itself and our relationships with those around us.
I guess we can just have pity on others who are so caught up in the petty things in life. I know it doesn't make it any easier to listen to someone complain about their sniffles or that their nails didn't turn out right or about their bickering with a friend, coworker, etc... when some of us are wondering if our kids will grow up without a mom, how we can get through another day of work with all the chemo side effects, etc, etc. I know.
It's just human nature to complain and focus on ourselves. What we focus on about ourselves changes with what is happening to us in life. When people still have their health, they'll always find something to stress out about or complain about- that's just the way we humans are!
Tomorrow's a new day!
Lisa
"One man's ceiling is another man's floor" or "one woman's treasure is another's garbage", it all depends on how you look at things (perspective) and react to them and that may vary by or be influenced by the mood you're in at the moment. Cancer certainly changes how you perceive and experience life and the things that happen (or don't happen) to you. You can get pissed and stay pissed or realize there's nothing you can do about the predicament; depends on what you're facing but now I'm rambling due to lack of sleep.......Maybe John Lennon was reight:"Whatever gets you thru the night......".......steve0 -
When first diagnosed
Eric,
When I was first diagnosed I could not drop my children off at school. My husband had to do it. It would be so hard to walk into the door and see the moms with their kids and everything seemed so wonderful for all of them. The moms would be discussing stuff that I thought petty and inconsequential. I found it very difficult to be around those people for my only desire is and ever has been (even before cancer) is to be with my children and husband. When I would travel for work I would take the most insane flights and routes home in order to spend one less night away from my husband and kids. I was stuck in Alaska one time (due to snow...fancy that) and I took such a convoluted way home and left all my luggage in order to get home sooner. So my point is that when I saw these other women, I felt such a jealousy because they could expect long lives with their families and I couldn't.
But through chance I got to know one of those woman that looked so happy and carefree. Through our relationship I came to learn that she had lost their oldest child a few years ago. I hadn't known this. While cancer isn't a good thing, the thought of losing one of my children is far worse. I discovered another one of the moms has MS. And one other had just lost her husband to a terminal illness. So my perspective really changed. I realized that ever though these women seemed apparently carefree they had experienced trauma and difficult times. I try to remember that when I meet people or interact with people. You never really know what someone has been through or is going through.0 -
I agreemom_2_3 said:When first diagnosed
Eric,
When I was first diagnosed I could not drop my children off at school. My husband had to do it. It would be so hard to walk into the door and see the moms with their kids and everything seemed so wonderful for all of them. The moms would be discussing stuff that I thought petty and inconsequential. I found it very difficult to be around those people for my only desire is and ever has been (even before cancer) is to be with my children and husband. When I would travel for work I would take the most insane flights and routes home in order to spend one less night away from my husband and kids. I was stuck in Alaska one time (due to snow...fancy that) and I took such a convoluted way home and left all my luggage in order to get home sooner. So my point is that when I saw these other women, I felt such a jealousy because they could expect long lives with their families and I couldn't.
But through chance I got to know one of those woman that looked so happy and carefree. Through our relationship I came to learn that she had lost their oldest child a few years ago. I hadn't known this. While cancer isn't a good thing, the thought of losing one of my children is far worse. I discovered another one of the moms has MS. And one other had just lost her husband to a terminal illness. So my perspective really changed. I realized that ever though these women seemed apparently carefree they had experienced trauma and difficult times. I try to remember that when I meet people or interact with people. You never really know what someone has been through or is going through.
I agree, although you never know what someone else is going through, cancer certainly has put things in perspective for me. If only we could go back, those little things would never matter again....but I definitely try to make the most of each day....0 -
Beautifully put, mom_2_3mom_2_3 said:When first diagnosed
Eric,
When I was first diagnosed I could not drop my children off at school. My husband had to do it. It would be so hard to walk into the door and see the moms with their kids and everything seemed so wonderful for all of them. The moms would be discussing stuff that I thought petty and inconsequential. I found it very difficult to be around those people for my only desire is and ever has been (even before cancer) is to be with my children and husband. When I would travel for work I would take the most insane flights and routes home in order to spend one less night away from my husband and kids. I was stuck in Alaska one time (due to snow...fancy that) and I took such a convoluted way home and left all my luggage in order to get home sooner. So my point is that when I saw these other women, I felt such a jealousy because they could expect long lives with their families and I couldn't.
But through chance I got to know one of those woman that looked so happy and carefree. Through our relationship I came to learn that she had lost their oldest child a few years ago. I hadn't known this. While cancer isn't a good thing, the thought of losing one of my children is far worse. I discovered another one of the moms has MS. And one other had just lost her husband to a terminal illness. So my perspective really changed. I realized that ever though these women seemed apparently carefree they had experienced trauma and difficult times. I try to remember that when I meet people or interact with people. You never really know what someone has been through or is going through.
You've expressed this beautifully. We really don't know what is going on in other people's lives; appearances are deceiving.
Thank you for pulling this together so clearly.0 -
Wellabrub said:Beautifully put, mom_2_3
You've expressed this beautifully. We really don't know what is going on in other people's lives; appearances are deceiving.
Thank you for pulling this together so clearly.
when I 1st had cancer and surgery it all happened so fast and I had been ill for over 3 yrs it was just a relief to have it over. I figured that I would suffer through the chemo and hair loss and all would be ok. Than I found out I am in my 2nd battle in 9 months with this crap and it hit home this is bad stuff and we need to stop and smell the flowers and now I just kinda look at things differently and don't sweat the small stuff where as before I would freak out over the smallest thing. Now I just look at it like I survived cancer once and going to do it again and if I am some where and there is a melt down about the long line at walmarts and they look at me like I am nuts for not getting involved I just look at them and say I surviver cancer I think this line waiting will be a peace of cake and they calmed right down. I have learned life is to short to worry about why some one else is worring and worry about them worring I just don't worry about them. I have my own life to take care of and that is a full time job.0 -
Hey Eric,
Good post! I too
Hey Eric,
Good post! I too get irritated by the petty complaints of some people. Then sometimes I stop + think I hope I can someday be at that place where ..... is all I have to complain about. That being said, since I had my diagnosis I have less tolerance for people saying/doing stupid things.0 -
Great Amy!mom_2_3 said:When first diagnosed
Eric,
When I was first diagnosed I could not drop my children off at school. My husband had to do it. It would be so hard to walk into the door and see the moms with their kids and everything seemed so wonderful for all of them. The moms would be discussing stuff that I thought petty and inconsequential. I found it very difficult to be around those people for my only desire is and ever has been (even before cancer) is to be with my children and husband. When I would travel for work I would take the most insane flights and routes home in order to spend one less night away from my husband and kids. I was stuck in Alaska one time (due to snow...fancy that) and I took such a convoluted way home and left all my luggage in order to get home sooner. So my point is that when I saw these other women, I felt such a jealousy because they could expect long lives with their families and I couldn't.
But through chance I got to know one of those woman that looked so happy and carefree. Through our relationship I came to learn that she had lost their oldest child a few years ago. I hadn't known this. While cancer isn't a good thing, the thought of losing one of my children is far worse. I discovered another one of the moms has MS. And one other had just lost her husband to a terminal illness. So my perspective really changed. I realized that ever though these women seemed apparently carefree they had experienced trauma and difficult times. I try to remember that when I meet people or interact with people. You never really know what someone has been through or is going through.
Couldn't have said it better!
What's the old saying?
"You can't judge a book by it's cover."
-Craig0 -
So true
Eric I think most on here have felt the way you do at times. I think because of that I am more apt to give someone the benefit of the doubt when they seem out of sorts or less then "friendly". I just try to get out of their way, that certainly didnt use to be the case.
With some its like a competition. "oh yeah, well this is how bad my life is.....!"
It can be frustrating and I can find myself in one of those moods were you want to just want to knock someone on their ... on those days I try not to leave the house (LOL).
What is that old saying about "Walking to moons in anothers moccasins". You never know what others are facing in their lives, some will complain about "little" things because they cant deal with the bigger issues they are facing, some are just to blessed to realize it, and others wouldnt say boo if their heads were on fire. Humans are the strangest of all Gods creatures.
And venting is very usefull to me in my coping strength, you dont have to apologize to me. You should see some of the e-mail rants I send to some of my family, or have subjected my wife to over the years. I have just learned , for the most part, over the years who I can say what things to. You find the person who agrees with you and you got a sympathetic ear! gets rid of the ugly for me.
hope this finds ya smilin!
greybeard0 -
WinneyWinneyPooh said:I know the feeling
Eric, yesterday i went back on chemo, not what i expected but it is what it is, When i was in the room, I looked like the healthies person there I looked like i should have been taking care of everyone else, . I felt down on myself for even being there, how could this be? why me, I look good , why is my cancer spreading, why am not operable anymore, Am I going to look like them soon. I felt silly wantting to vent to someone,
I did vent, shortly to my hubby and this was wrong cause it came off wrong and started to cry, it kinded sounded like to him that i want to look bad, (not what i meant). So i had to get happy with my situation. realize it's all going to be ok. Cancers not going to kill me 2012 is (lol)
LOve ya,
Winnie
First of all, yesterday was just a vent and I am over it. Second of all, there is no shame in you complaining or feeling bad about your situation. It's good to look on the bright side but sometimes you've just got to let it all out. That is not what I was talking about. I was talking about people who make mole hills into mountains. But I realize if it means something to another person it is important. Although it does seem sometimes that people compete with one another over who has it worse. I tried to go to a support group once and all they did there is talk over one another and focus on how bad each one of them had it instead of supporting one another. This community is the best support group ever because not only do we each get what we need out of it but no matter how bad someone here has it they are always willing to offer an encouraging word to others. You guys amaze me sometimes and I am very grateful to have found this group and to be a part of it. I never thought I could feel this close to people I have never met fax to face. I hope one day we will all meet.
Eric0 -
Eric
Great post. Many had insightful things to say. I can identify with a lot that was said here: *Having little tolerance for minor/silly complaints (and I usually am a very tolerant person! AND I have also been guilty of "sweating the small stuff," even after diagnosis) *Learning compassion for those who "don't know any better." Like Lisa said, some are looking through a narrow lens. I suppose it's like other life experiences; you only know it if you've been there. (Although, even if we hadn't experienced something, I think we can try and use our imagination sometimes.) *Learning and relearning to not sweat the small stuff.
b.c. (before cancer, as Lisa said), I had this idea that most of humanity lives in denial of our mortality; otherwise, we'd go crazy. Sometimes, I felt my natural denial falling uncomfortably away. This idea became much more pronounced after my cancer diagnosis. My everyday denial was stripped away as I became acutely aware of my mortality. This is something we learn in certain situations. I find it difficult to "teach" it. Cancer gives us a wider lens, I suppose.
I love to laugh and if there's a way to make fun of something, and laugh at it, let's do it.
~Aud0 -
by the way...
...Eric. nothing at all wrong with venting, nothing at all. I tell my patients that all the time when they start getting worried their complaining too much. (I'm an occupational therapist in a subacute rehab/nursing home.) Then after the venting, I try and focus on something that we can be grateful for and/or something that we can actually do something about.
~Aud0 -
Vent Awayeric38 said:Winney
First of all, yesterday was just a vent and I am over it. Second of all, there is no shame in you complaining or feeling bad about your situation. It's good to look on the bright side but sometimes you've just got to let it all out. That is not what I was talking about. I was talking about people who make mole hills into mountains. But I realize if it means something to another person it is important. Although it does seem sometimes that people compete with one another over who has it worse. I tried to go to a support group once and all they did there is talk over one another and focus on how bad each one of them had it instead of supporting one another. This community is the best support group ever because not only do we each get what we need out of it but no matter how bad someone here has it they are always willing to offer an encouraging word to others. You guys amaze me sometimes and I am very grateful to have found this group and to be a part of it. I never thought I could feel this close to people I have never met fax to face. I hope one day we will all meet.
Eric
Dear One,
If you can't vent here and be understood where can you vent. I appreciate it when one of the group shares their feelings. It kinda validates my feelings ...meaning I'm not the only one who struggles with these things. I also find this community a "safe place to land". It doesn't matter if people agree or disagree, they understand and offer insight and encouragement. Your awesome Eric and I always find "hidden treasures" in your post.
Blessings and Big Hugs,
Debbie0
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