this is SO not what I was told...

I have read some of the posts and may have some misspellings/ etc due to the fact that I am once again starting to cry (good thing back at the pysch tomorrow). I would NEVER have done this if they hadn't lied to me. I didn't HAVE to have the double mastectomy, I could have just had another lumpectomy and bought a "cutlet", as we call it at work, to make up the rest (this is my 3rd time). But, but surgeon (a breast "specialist") and plastics BOTH told me that simple mastectomy wasn't much worse than lumpectomies (which I didn't take anything for) and not really worse than the SNL I'd previously had (which I DID take an nsaid for). I was told drains for 7 to 10 days (no shower til then). I especially reiterated that, as a DVM, I needed to be able to use my arms well enough for surgeries and holding onto moving pets. I was told that 2 weeks would be fine. I barely got coverage for those 2 weeks (I'm solo). I went oon internet (breast cancer site) to look at pictures and decided that I didn't think the reconstructions were all that great and the flat lady didn't look too bad. But, she was thin and I am not. Found another site of a plastic surg and there were lots of pics of recoonstruction. Looked at fat ladies and was on the fence aoubt it. Pretty much decided to just do mastectomy and no resocontruction. But, surg wouln'dt sched surg til I'd seen plastics. So, went aahead and made appt. He confirmed what she said. I asked for all details, including discharge instructions and post of stuff now. He knew about the narcotic thing and siad, not to worry, Motrin high dose will do great, altho I said i never felt it was better than alleve. I really wanted EVERY detail and basically got none. OK, maybe that's the next appt. So, next appt (and, I should add, is 110 mi round trip, as my primary said these people are so great), I got about 5 min of "here's everything bad that can happen to you, now sign the consent". Basically, it was bleeding excessively, infection, incision falling apart, the obvious stuff. He started to leave, so I asked then if I could see the PA to get more details, but she never came in. The front office desk at least told me when the first reck would be (since I have to pull people out of work to do that 110 mi round trip and they need some planning).

Wellllllllllllllll. I do not think of myself as a wuss. I have had multiple fractures (walked on both my fractured feet), had a bad car accident that left me literally with a permanent dent in my boob (well, at least that's gone now), I've been kicked by a horse so badly i could barely walk for a week, then couldn't bend my knee because the muscle calcified (stunned the dr at the xray), had a needle loc withOUT local anesthetic (took a good 30 minutes, while he kept placing it and pulling and turning the hook--in my muscle), and had an endometrial biopsy (my **** was probably about a foot off the table with taht one, but the nurse told me I actually did better than a lot of people, including her---she kicked the dr in the face during it!), and have had MULTIPLE bites (and let me tell ya, ya haven't lived til you've had a good cat bite throbbing with every beat of your heart) over the years. When I woke up, I thought I was gonna die of pain. Had the motrin, but it only helped a little. Asked for ty/co, was told my chart said no narcotics. Isaid it should say ty/co ok and shouldv'e been written up to give. Didn't get it. Next day, it took a lot of begging and about 8 hours to get it. It definitely helped, but maybe went down to a 3-4 from 10. Not enough to be able to use my arms to get up or anything. Finally wnet home after 4 days. Used the ty/co and alleve at full dose as often as humanly possible. started taking alprazolam all the time too, figuring since I couldn't stand the pain, I'd just keep myself drugged into oblivion until I was better (psyc wasn't too happy about THAT).

At the 1 week checkup, the PA simply said it's too soon to feel better.

Psych said had to go off alpraz and upped my Zoloft. at 2 week ckup, I told the PA how much pain I was STILL in, etc, and altho I know it's too soon to use nerve drugs (like for phantom limb pain) for the "electric shocks" I get, there has to be something else I can do (I'm thinking heat pads, cold pads, SOMETHING). Nope, just wait. I said I was told 7 to 10 days and back to work in 2 weeks. She siad, oh no, maybe 3 to 4 weeks drains.

It's now 3.5 weeks out, still draining, still hurt like hell. Have another pschy appt tomorrow because I still feel like I can't go on like this much longer. And, I HAVE to go back to work April 19th, as we've exhausted all the available help. The only reason I'm alive now is that I was already on Zoloft before this. I still t hink about just ending it every day (have a psych appt tomorrow). I hate MDs. I must have something written on my forehead that only they can read that says "GET HER" because this seems to happen to be a lot. I had such bad care locally in 2001 that I didn't even go to a doctor for anything for 5 years. Otherwise, I wouldn't have consented to the 110 mi round trip to hosp/ surg/ plastics (which meant I had no visitors while in hospital and no one to speak up for me but me and they didn't listen to me). I never ever ever would have done this knowing this would be the way it was. I couldve had the lumpectomy and gone back to work the next day and none of this crap. But, no, I had to actually try to trust these idiots.

I now see reading these blogs that they just blatantly lied to me. My psych wants me to talk to them about it, but why? they didn't listen to me before, i've tried to tell them how I feel and nothing is done. I thought about seeing a different plastics person for second opinion, but after reading these posts, it sounds like the pain/ drain is actually normal at this point and may go on longer yet. I don't see how I could possible deal with it at work (my own cats still can't get on my chest, so are temporarily banned from my bedroom, so I can't even cuddle with them). "Informed consent" is such a joke. I wouldn't treat MY patients/ clients this way!!!!!