Mar 30, 2010 - 10:15 pm
So, 7 weeks post surgery, and I am coming up with more doubts and questions than I had right after. Looking through the boards here and faintly googling the cancer with trepidition, I am finding things that contradict what the oncologist told me. He said we would probably have a short relationship, just scans 2 times a year for 3 years, then once a year for 2 more - no chemo, radiation, nothing. I rode that high for quite a while! But I have found that dratted word referred to numerous times within these boards, and it sure doesn't sound as innocent as he made it sound. Also the wee research I've done seems to point in the direction of a rematch in the near future! Part of the problem, I know, is me; I'm still pretty gutless about even facing that c word. I have only once looked through my CT scan results (I got copies of every one I had done), but for the most part I don't know (or maybe want to know) what I am reading. I realize I'm a pretty big coward. Anyway, question is, does anyone know of good place on the net to research what the doc wrote down in my little notebook that I always carry:
Stage 1 nsclc (BAC) Grade 1 tumor, much less agressive
Also, any good advice for healing up, feeling like I did before? Up till last week, I felt I was doing good, got up to a mile on the treadmill, felt positive and proactive, but this week I'm tanking. Depressed, absolutely no energy. I want to sleep, and I'm getting pretty cantankerous from being tired. The ribs still ache and the extreme creepy numbness that wraps around my side and front of rib cage is enough to make me crazy. I also get these prickly stabs that feel like they're on my heart (surgeon brushed that off to all the "digging" around they did in there, tumor was next to aorta), so I think the on again, off again, first back ache now a chest ache, moving somewhere else again pain is wearing me down. It's not huge pain, just always some kind of ache or twinge or tightness. Then maybe it's all just because I feel like I should be back to normal - and people around me are expecting it - but I don't feel too normal yet.
Re-reading this, I sound so ridiculous but thank you for letting me sound out. It's sure is cheaper and easier on my mood than seeing a therapist! I called two; one had no idea what I wanted exactly, and the other, well, he said he was speaking English but it wasn't the same that I learned.