My Dad Passed Away Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Thank you for all of your wonderful responses to my previous post. On Tuesday, March 9, 2010, dad passed away in the arms of my mom, brother, and nephew. I had just left him that afternoon. I do not feel guilty though, because knowing him, if I had been there that night, he might not have let go. I did tell him Tuesday afternoon that we were all there and gave him our blessing. I also told him his Dr from UVA gave him his blessing. He shook his head yes, and that night he passed on. I know he waited to get all of our approval before he left. He slept all day and night Monday, all day Tuesday. He was preparing himself for his journey. We shaved him, washed his hair, brushed his hair, and changed his pjs Tuesday afternoon. Not knowing that we too were helping him prepare for his journey. Once we all realized this, we were more at peace.
We will be having a memorial for him in his honor on Palm Sunday. We know that he would like this. This is what he wanted.
I would like to express my deepest heartfelt thanks to all of you here. You are all wonderful people. I am so glad that we got to meet you. You helped us through some rough times. And now you will help us through this rough time. Love and many hugs go out to you.
I will promise to keep in touch.
Love,
Tina Dad and Family
Comments
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TinaDuane61 said:Prayers
So sorry to about your loss. Your family will be in our prayers.
Duane
I'm just so sorry to hear this. I've always felt close to you and your story since our dad's were diagnosed around the same time, they are the same age, bdays close to each other. Just everything. My heart breaks for you and your family. My heart breaks every time I hear of someone passing. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Please do keep in touch.
Big HUGS
Erika0 -
OH TINA,emg09 said:Tina
I'm just so sorry to hear this. I've always felt close to you and your story since our dad's were diagnosed around the same time, they are the same age, bdays close to each other. Just everything. My heart breaks for you and your family. My heart breaks every time I hear of someone passing. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Please do keep in touch.
Big HUGS
Erika
Hi,
I just read you post, honey I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I really do not have much to say. I just posted on auntie M post. I am just sitting here numb.
I'm sorry I just can't think of any more words right now.
Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
God Bless you and your family.
Kath0 -
This comment has been removed by the Moderatormumphy said:OH TINA,
Hi,
I just read you post, honey I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I really do not have much to say. I just posted on auntie M post. I am just sitting here numb.
I'm sorry I just can't think of any more words right now.
Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
God Bless you and your family.
Kath0 -
your Dadunknown said:This comment has been removed by the Moderator
Tina,
So very sorry about your Dad. You sound at peace with what has happened and how your family was able to be with him and say your goodbyes. I know you all will miss him but you know he is not suffering from this disease. Palm Sunday is a beautiful day to have a memorial service. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. take care,
Donna700 -
friends weep...
Tina,
I hate that one more of our csn family has left us---but again glad he is no longer suffering with what we have come to call the "beast". I, like Erika felt close to you guys. Us daughters and their dads, huh? I am glad you all were at peace. I know it will still be painful and his passing will leave an empty spot in your families & hearts. Thanks for all the support you have given everyone here. Email if you'd like.
God Bless through the sadness...
Kim0 -
Sorry
Tina, So sorry to hear of Ray's passing. Words cannot express what I am feeling...as someone said, it has not been a good week here at CSN. I hope knowing your dad is in a better place gives you some comfort. Will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.
Jane0 -
Tina,
Everyone is right ---
Tina,
Everyone is right --- this has been a difficult week at CSN. As another daughter here I am so sorry to hear your news. I take some comfort in the wonderful way you shared your last days with your dad and shared them with us. I am glad you were there for him through these dark days. Your resolve has helped me as I try to help and I thank you for your friendship on this site. If you want to talk feel free to email me.
And I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you go through the next few weeks.
Cindy0 -
Tina, I am so sorry for yourunclaw2002 said:Tina,
Everyone is right ---
Tina,
Everyone is right --- this has been a difficult week at CSN. As another daughter here I am so sorry to hear your news. I take some comfort in the wonderful way you shared your last days with your dad and shared them with us. I am glad you were there for him through these dark days. Your resolve has helped me as I try to help and I thank you for your friendship on this site. If you want to talk feel free to email me.
And I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you go through the next few weeks.
Cindy
Tina, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot believe the news, i know that you believed he would get through this. I will pray that your father finds peace now. Please visit in chat sometime.0 -
So sorry for your loss. My
So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.0 -
Tina,dragonflymom said:So sorry for your loss. My
So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
I am very sorry for
Tina,
I am very sorry for your loss. You guys know that you TOOK wonderful care of your father. My thoughts are with you during this time of need.
Tina also!0 -
Tina,
I am so very sorry for
Tina,
I am so very sorry for your loss. One of Steve's daughters wasn't there when he passed, and I think you are riught...sometimes they wont let go! So I am glad to know that you rae at peace with that. My prayers are with you and your family.
{{{BIG HUGS}}}
Chris0 -
I lost my husband tuesday
I lost my husband tuesday morning March 9 to Esophageal cancer. He fought for 16 mos. At 64 years old your not ready. He was at home with me by his side. I miss him so much and can't yet comprehend that he's gone. I think our biggest mistake was going to Cancer Treatment Center of America and not staying with Mayo Clinic. The treatment was so aggressive that he went down fast, and for all their advertising about caring, once we came home they never called to check on him. I have yet to hear from them, no condolences nothing. They told us they were 99% sure they could put it in remission. Please anyone considering going there check it out.0 -
so so so sorry for our lossnalee said:I lost my husband tuesday
I lost my husband tuesday morning March 9 to Esophageal cancer. He fought for 16 mos. At 64 years old your not ready. He was at home with me by his side. I miss him so much and can't yet comprehend that he's gone. I think our biggest mistake was going to Cancer Treatment Center of America and not staying with Mayo Clinic. The treatment was so aggressive that he went down fast, and for all their advertising about caring, once we came home they never called to check on him. I have yet to hear from them, no condolences nothing. They told us they were 99% sure they could put it in remission. Please anyone considering going there check it out.
so so so sorry for our loss "nalee". I can't imagine what you are going through. I just hear that somehow, it does get easier with time. I will pray that it does for you.
kim0 -
My Condolencesnalee said:I lost my husband tuesday
I lost my husband tuesday morning March 9 to Esophageal cancer. He fought for 16 mos. At 64 years old your not ready. He was at home with me by his side. I miss him so much and can't yet comprehend that he's gone. I think our biggest mistake was going to Cancer Treatment Center of America and not staying with Mayo Clinic. The treatment was so aggressive that he went down fast, and for all their advertising about caring, once we came home they never called to check on him. I have yet to hear from them, no condolences nothing. They told us they were 99% sure they could put it in remission. Please anyone considering going there check it out.
Dearest Nalee,
Wow, I was amazed to read that your husband and my dad passed away from the same cancer, fought the same amount of months, and died on the same day. What a small world! My dad beat the ec, but got mets to his liver in December. His treatment of chemo for this was much different. He got almost all of the side effects. I feel that the treatments made him even more sicker than he was. Mom and I sometimes wish we did not even bother with the treatments. You know the should haves. At any rate we are glad that he had a peaceful passing, and is now no longer suffering or in pain. Sorry you had such a bad experience with the cancer center. That is not right. We had everything done at UVA. We were very satisfied. The drs there may even be coming to my dad's memorial service. Best of luck to you. Stay positive, and keep your faith. Keep in touch, we can help eachother get through this time.
Tina0 -
Keeping in touchTina Blondek said:My Condolences
Dearest Nalee,
Wow, I was amazed to read that your husband and my dad passed away from the same cancer, fought the same amount of months, and died on the same day. What a small world! My dad beat the ec, but got mets to his liver in December. His treatment of chemo for this was much different. He got almost all of the side effects. I feel that the treatments made him even more sicker than he was. Mom and I sometimes wish we did not even bother with the treatments. You know the should haves. At any rate we are glad that he had a peaceful passing, and is now no longer suffering or in pain. Sorry you had such a bad experience with the cancer center. That is not right. We had everything done at UVA. We were very satisfied. The drs there may even be coming to my dad's memorial service. Best of luck to you. Stay positive, and keep your faith. Keep in touch, we can help eachother get through this time.
Tina
I was also amazed that they passed the same day from the same thing. I think God saw them both suffering and said enough! Now if he would just help us with our suffering, I didn't know the heart could hurt so bad or that I had that many tears in me to cry. The 16 mos. of caregiving consumes you, it completely takes over your mind and time and when it ends suddenly, your at a loss of what to do or think. When the week of people, and arrangements, and the service are over, and other people go on with their lives and here you are suddenly with no life so to speak, it's complete devastation! The kids live in Texas and we're in Mn. so it's hard. You have to get everything in order and can't leave and they have to go back to jobs. You can only talk on the phone so long. I'm finding that you really don't know who true friends are until this happens. Our closest friends ( or so I thought) the ones we fished and vacationed with left on their vacation the day of my husbands death knowing he had passed, telling me they couldn't get a refund on their tickets. I can't even imagine doing this to a best friend. Maybe this is how some people deal with a tragedy, set themselves apart from it. But the hurt is so strong I don't think I can forgive. I also know where you're coming from with thinking maybe we should just not done treatments. It haunts me because my husband said " if i'm going to be sick all the time that i've got left I don't want to do it." Well he was and I feel so bad. It wasn't quite so bad when we did the chemo at Mayo, he'd have good days, but after we went to the cancer center he never had another day of feeling good. I'm just so down on that place that everytime I see one of their commercials on TV, I get sick to my stomach. We met a couple there, stayed at the same place for 3 wks., her husband passed a wk. after they got home and she said she's yet to hear from them also.VERY SAD!!!! Thank you for letting me vent, it's easier sometimes just to write this stuff down. God bless and stay in touch.0 -
You can always vent here andnalee said:Keeping in touch
I was also amazed that they passed the same day from the same thing. I think God saw them both suffering and said enough! Now if he would just help us with our suffering, I didn't know the heart could hurt so bad or that I had that many tears in me to cry. The 16 mos. of caregiving consumes you, it completely takes over your mind and time and when it ends suddenly, your at a loss of what to do or think. When the week of people, and arrangements, and the service are over, and other people go on with their lives and here you are suddenly with no life so to speak, it's complete devastation! The kids live in Texas and we're in Mn. so it's hard. You have to get everything in order and can't leave and they have to go back to jobs. You can only talk on the phone so long. I'm finding that you really don't know who true friends are until this happens. Our closest friends ( or so I thought) the ones we fished and vacationed with left on their vacation the day of my husbands death knowing he had passed, telling me they couldn't get a refund on their tickets. I can't even imagine doing this to a best friend. Maybe this is how some people deal with a tragedy, set themselves apart from it. But the hurt is so strong I don't think I can forgive. I also know where you're coming from with thinking maybe we should just not done treatments. It haunts me because my husband said " if i'm going to be sick all the time that i've got left I don't want to do it." Well he was and I feel so bad. It wasn't quite so bad when we did the chemo at Mayo, he'd have good days, but after we went to the cancer center he never had another day of feeling good. I'm just so down on that place that everytime I see one of their commercials on TV, I get sick to my stomach. We met a couple there, stayed at the same place for 3 wks., her husband passed a wk. after they got home and she said she's yet to hear from them also.VERY SAD!!!! Thank you for letting me vent, it's easier sometimes just to write this stuff down. God bless and stay in touch.
You can always vent here and you should keep in touch. Perhaps your story can help someone else. I can't begin to imagine your heartbreak but hold on to the good times with your dear husband and take it one day at a time. And as a daughter I am sure I speak for your children --- call them whenever you need to hear a friendly loving voice. Perhaps they can't speak to you for an hour but even a few words of love to each other may help you through that time when you feel alone and need to reach out. Keep the faith and God bless you for having been there for your husband - I am sure it was a blessing to him.
God bless,
Cindy0
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